Family issues and school

Been posting a lot haha, but I guess a lot of stuff is going on.

So I am finishing year 12 off at a private school right now. Last year my parents separated, and now my dad doesn't pay any of the school fees, and my mum has to pay them (she left the house, and had to start from scratch). So the fees is like 12 grand a year, money my mum doesn't have (as my three sisters also attend the school, and she has to rent). Now she is going to force me to pay back the whole of my school fees from year 7 to 12 if I don't achieve up to her standards (which is long gone due to some poor performances in assessments throughout the year), something I cannot do, cause I get like $180 per week from work (if i was to pay her this amount per week, it would take something like 7 and a half years to pay back the full amount, but I would obviously have a better paying job after I finish school)

I try to tell her that I will prepare for my exams (cause why wouldn't you?), she doesn't believe me and is going to make me pay back all of my school fees. I am obviously going to try in my exams, but the end result is not going to be what she wants, no matter how hard I try (and I never think anything was). 

Now I understand that she, as my parent, wants to see me succeed, and do great, but I think its gone past that. This has now become about money and an investment, and if she deems I haven't done well, I could be left in a terrible economic situation for a number of years possibly.

I'm just fed up with the constant hassling from her, its causing a great emotional toll on me, something I don't need before exams (how funny is that, she wants me to do well, but is making me feel like honeysuckle). At the moment, I'm just at a point of not knowing what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

Hmm.. I don't really know what to say about this. It sounds like a challenging situation. 
At the end of the day, all you can do is try your very best on the exams. Try not to think too much about the "what if". That's harder to say than to do, I know that for sure. 
I hope it works out for you. 

Hi Mate,

It sounds as though you need to have a sit-down chat with her if possible. There's a lot of pressure on both of you (and the rest of the family), and what you need to do is sit down and express how you both feel and for you to express particularly how counter-productive the pressure is. The way I see it here it's about communication and trying to get through a very difficult situation together as a family rather than being divided and pressurised by the money.

Mate,  allow me to elaborate on Yeti1980's good advice - as in, what to specifically say.

First, some background stipulations:

• Your parents' financial help to some degree is a normal obligation, and I expect few would really expect repayment back from their children for providing this help and opportunity.

• Your mother's financial duress gives her justification to expect that her financial sacrifice for your education was a worthwhile expense.

• Your mother's expectation for you to succeed in school is normal and warranted.

• It's unlikely that your mother can legally require repayment from you in any case, whether you succeed or fail at school.

• Morally though, it would be respectful, kind and loving of you to repay her if her financial duress continues and she accepts the help.

• Obviously, any such potential repayment would need to occur on a reasonable monthly schedule after you graduate and obtain a decent job.

• In the end, what she says or threatens now does not necessarily reflect her real intended actions or expectations for the future.  She's speaking out of frustration and concern, and you should be able to empathize and help her with that, hoping that doing so will bring the behavior that you need from her now.

So, sit down with her if you can and have a slow, calm, simple talk.  I'd tell her:

• how much you appreciate the financial help she's given you for school,
• that you recognize the financial hardship she faces now,
• that you both want the same thing - your success in school and life,
• that such success is dependent on current studies and upcoming tests,
• that all financial repayment issues can and will be discussed later,
• that you love her and will help her financially if she needs it - after this school phase,
• and that right now, you need peace and support for the task at hand, which is school, not pressures about money or reminders of what's at stake with your tests.

To help you make peace with your mom, finish school out all right, and carry you through the challenging months ahead, I offer this Youtube video link.  It's a short, half hour, interesting and entertaining sermon that might give you some guidance and strength.



[size=small] 

If the school is too expensive, why doesn't your mom put you and your sister's in a public school?

I seriously doubt you forced your parents to send you to that school, so the obligation to pay for it isn't on you and even if it was after the separation, it certainly wouldn't have been before.
Have your parents divorced and is your mother getting child support? I don't know where you live, so I don't know child support laws where you are, but in America, if they are separated, your mom should be getting child support and there could be a stipulation in the divorce that says daddy has to pay for school, if it's done right. But again, that's America, I can't speak for other countries.

I would say to attempt to stop stressing about honeysuckle you can't control and focus on the things you can control. Like studying and getting to work and every day responsibilities. YOUR responsibilities, not your mom's.