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What type of loneliness do you experience?
#1
Question 
I must have read the following article a few times: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/...it-matters

After reading the article (link provided above), I realized that I have been dealing with many types of loneliness throughout my life.  Sure, I have some friends I speak with in real life as well as online.  And sure, I do what I can to socialize and connect with other humans.  But I can be a room filled with all of my friends and STILL experience loneliness.  Although social support does help a little, there are different types of social support that offer different benefits, such as instrumental social support and emotional social support.  

INSTRUMENTAL social support offers financial support, educational support, instructional support, technological support, therapeutic support, medical support, mentoring support, guidance support, and others related to more non-emotional forms of social support.   

EMOTIONAL social support, on the other hand, offers comfort, sympathy, empathy, potential for long-term relationships, relational bonding, intimacy, and some aspects of therapeutic support.  

In some relationships, both instrumental and emotional supports are offered, such as in therapeutic relationships, family relationships, romantic relationships, and close business partnerships.  However, with any given relationship, there are boundaries involved.  Such boundaries may place limits on the amount of instrumental and emotional suppots offered.   

By and large, a lack of emotional support is one of the many factors related to loneliness.  Many people who receive instrumental support only, or even therapeutic support that combines a limited amount of both instrumental and social supports, may still feel lonely because they lack certain kinds of emotional support in their lives.  Sure, some might even be married with children and still feel lonely.  Why?  Perhaps they don't have the kind of emotional support they seek, such as acceptance, understanding, a sense of belonging, comfort, empathy, and the kind of bonds we as humans were made for.  Others are lonely because they lack family, friends, and social capital.  Still, others are lonely because they do not have a conservation of resources.  According to the conservation of resources theory, the effects of losing past resources (or social capital) are stronger than the effects of gaining new resources (in order to rebuild social capital).  You can do a general Google and/or Google Scholar search on the conservation of resources theory and find many articles that demonstrate the effects of losing resources.  

Other key words and phrases that you might be interested in researching include: "compensatory relationships"; "social support as a protective factor"; and "loneliness".  Upon researching the aforementioned terms related to, and including "loneliness," you will find that the effects of loneliness and all of its linked etiologies comprise poor quality of life factors, including poor health and poor mental health.  There are degrees to which we are affected by loneliness, just like there are degres to the types of loneliness we experience.  

Sometimes counseling or mentoring relationships help us with improving our own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in order to be more open to new and longlasting relationships, including work relationships, friendships, filial relationships, and romantic relationships.  For instance, in therapy, a person can learn to communicate better with others, or a person can learn to desensitize from fears affiliated with social anxiety.  In mentoring relationships, a person can learn how to cultivate professional relationships and communicate better in professional environments.  

Sometimes relocating to a new place and/or finding new social groups help us find people who fit better with our likes, lifestyles, cultures, and personalities.  For instance, a person who recently became disabled might have difficulties with maintaining friendships with peers who are able-bodied and accustomed to a more fast-paced lifestyle.  Sadly, many disabled persons feel abandoned by their families and friends who became more focused on offering us instrumental support, as opposed to emotional support.  In such cases, there were losses affiliated with the kinds of relationships we had, which leads to a loss of conservation of resources and its resulting loneliness.  One solution, which may not alleviate the grief and loss issues with losing friendships, is by gaining social capital in new circles that cater to disabled persons.  Although our losses are many, our gains comprising, and readjustment toward, a new "disabled lifestyle" might relieve some symptoms of loneliness.  

Overall, it is important to note that loneliness encompasses some levels of grief and loss.  Even if the people we were once in a relationship are still alive and part of our lives, we may feel that our closeness has dissipated, which results in feelings of grief and loss.  The effects of grief/loss and loneliness include depression and, in some cases, anticipatory anxiety.  We're depressed from the losses we've encountered, and we're anxious about forming new relationships because of our past experiences.  

I hope everyone here can find proactive ways to identify and heal from their loneliness.  In many ways, online forums such as this one is one way to alleviate symptoms of loneliness.  The key is to identify what kinds of loneliness we are experiencing in order for us to find solutions.  

What kinds of loneliness do you experience?  If you know of any other articles related to loneliness typologies/taxonomies/lexicons, or other types of loneliness that aren't mentioned within the article linked above, please do share.  
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#2
I'll go first: 

I'm experiencing the following types of loneliness, according to the article linked in the thread:

1. New-situation loneliness: I relocated to a new state and don't know anyone in that new state. I also have mobility issues that I've not had before, so I've lost the friends I used to have that were more active, and I miss having active relationships and an active body to be able to form active relationships, such as those who enjoy hiking. 

2. I'm different loneliness: I identify as a minority, a disabled person, a non-traditional grad student applicant, a non-traditional disabled veteran, and many other minority status positions.  I feel different from most people, so it is hard for me to connect and bond with them, even though I appreciate diversity.  As a disabled person with chronic fatigue syndrome, I feel that my disorder is so controversial that I am treated and looked upon differently than other patients or members of society.  That lack of understanding reinforces my feelings of not belonging due to differences that others cannot tolerate and/or understand.  

3. Untrustworthy friends loneliness: I have many "friends," or what we in the USA refer to as "acquaintances."  They are not "close" friends, but rather people you enjoy hanging out with or conversing with from time to time, but their mannerisms or characteristics lessen your ability to trust them with.  For instance, some people I've known have disrespected my boundaries, gossiped about me, or sabotaged my relationships and/or careers.  In some cases, those relationships were salvaged through adequate communication, but in most cases, I've had to let go of those people whose behaviors were toxic.  For those relationships I managed to salvage, I remain distant yet open to the possibilities of rebuilding trust.  Nevertheless, during this time, it is lonely for me because I've essentially lost the relationships I once had when trust was there, regardless of whether it was earned or established appropriately.  

4. Quiet-presence loneliness: I miss having roommates sometimes, but not all the time.  I am asexual, so I've gotten used to not having a significant other.  I'm not really "lonely" per se from the lack of a significant other, but I'm lonely because I do miss having the quiet presence of someone around.  Living alone for the past 15 years has been an adjustment - I can tell you that!  I've gotten acclimated to living alone, but I'm still afraid of having no one around in case of emergencies.  Thankfully, I live in an apartment building, so my neighbors serve as wonderful "compensatory relationships" to replace roommates; having neighbors may not be the same types of relationships as having roommates, but their presence helps in terms of relieving my anxiety.

So I have 4 out of 7 types of loneliness at the moment, if there are only 7 types (per the article link in the first thread post).  If there are additional types of loneliness (to the 7 mentioned in the article), please let me know.  

Thank you for allowing me to share and not feel so alone in the process - pun intended, I think (that is if I didn't fail at making a pun, hee hee).  
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#3
I miss a girl friend in my life

I really love to have a girl friend in my Whatsapp
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#4
All of them.
I'm actually David Blane.
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#5
I'd have to say all as well.
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#6
I think many people experience every type at any given point in their lives. My current one is just loneliness for a significant other.
"You can't wake someone up who is just pretending to be asleep" --

[Image: tenor.gif?itemid=5280231]
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#7
At one time my intense attractiveness caused me to avoid social places and parties because men used to hit on me and even women gave jealous glances, making me feel uncomfortable. Being beautiful had at one time a very serious effect on me, and I will explain further.

Having experienced low esteem from past hurts and betrayals, I learnt to become assertive. Assertiveness even stopped nastiness from other women, jealous because of my good looks. Still, my attractiveness is having to be constantly worked on when I have to look presentable all the time I'm on duty. It's a constant balance to look presentable, but not deliberately look seductive.

Citing Anderson and Nida (1978): 'Highly attractive people of the same sex were judged as less talented than average-looking people'. Consequently my becoming a doctor changed that perception except it was to my emotional cost of becoming very lonely, afraid to engage with people in a social way. An example of this was my medical talent has not easily been acknowledged. 

Surely my looks would be just too good to be true for me to be considered as intelligent? Instead, newcomers froze at my dazzling smile and bewitching eyes, and they just can't get their eyes off me. And when I was with my best friend, she wouldn't introduce me to her boyfriend for fear of losing him to me. When I felt something was wrong and I asked, she admitted to feeling intimidated by my attractiveness, and then said it wasn't possible to be friends with me anymore. Well, bugger. But that's life.

I tried counselling, but it didn't help, though my best decision was wearing mirrored sunglasses to lessen the impact of being stared at. Men, even teenage boys would eye me in the street and wolf whistle. I'd avoid going near building sites, for those places were toxic and I would avoid them like plague.

I'm blonde with piercing blue eyes, and each are ringed with dark edges. My eyes, beautiful as they are can look larger if I apply eyeliner and mascara - because I like that look. But that never stopped people staring wherever I went, even in supermarkets. Consequently I retreated into myself, afraid for that fear returning: what would they do to me? My teenage years were painful, too, so I stayed at home and did extra studies, avoiding social media only because I couldn't be bothered or felt too tired. But the reality of being on social media was attracting all the wrong people who just wanted to get me laid, and that is why I developed a distrust until my confidence eventually started improving.

Looking back, I remember some went gone out of their way to harrass me on social media. And then there are those who find it easy to quickly hate me once they realised that I'm highly articulate as well as attractive. Because as soon as you possess a few of the traits most valued by our society - beauty, intelligence, a sense of humour, etc. - you have officially become the target of fuming resent. This was why half my activities was to work around that and try not to do anything to further aggravate the problem. And gradually, gradually, I realised the good things I was doing were bringing joy and happiness back into my life. And there came hope. Smile 

Hope came when my daughter's minder arrived to live with us full time, so everything changed for the bette. Now, being seen with her has put stop to this constant harrassment. Men still stare as they will, but they look at our lovely friend and stay away. I've had to tell my daughter to wear sunglasses lest she receives the same treatment from boys, but she's far better about handling it than me despite inheriting my attractiveness. She also gave me permission to share this, lovely that she is.

Looking back to a while ago, loud-talking guys would ogle me as I leaned across the cafe table enjoying my coffee. I remember feeling their collective gazes crawling over me like ants. All the time I'd been at this cafe, they elbowed each other like they'd never seen a pair of boobs before. The downside of being beautiful is that it draws creeps out of the woodwork and makes them feel entitled to treat me like a piece of meat. If my 12 year old daughter had been with me, she'd have jumped the table and whacked the grins off their faces. It wouldn't have been the first time. But now times have changed since I have this special friend who has made a big difference to my life and that of my daughter, and I'm feeling good knowing that beauty brings with it intelligence to prove those very wrong, and I am finally living a happier life.

I apologise if my comments may have triggered anyone, but I hope that this issue of being beautiful can reach more attention in society, but without self-centredness and barely disguised judgemental remarks, I don't think this is ever going to be happening. Especially from a certain type of man because they think differently from women, and act very differently and most definitely with sarcasm. If the previous man got at me again or sniped at my child who inherited my looks, I wouldn't hesitate to smash him right in the face. 

So... I am mostly over the issue that once weighed so heavily on me. Now I've about to start a relationship with someone very special and who adores my daughter, I believe that what I had been going through will eventually fade into nothingness.
Reply
#8
(10-30-2019, 06:14 AM)Rosie007 Wrote: At one time my intense attractiveness caused me to avoid social places and parties because men used to hit on me and even women gave jealous glances, making me feel uncomfortable. Being beautiful had at one time a very serious effect on me, and I will explain further.

Having experienced low esteem from past hurts and betrayals, I learnt to become assertive. Assertiveness even stopped nastiness from other women, jealous because of my good looks. Still, my attractiveness is having to be constantly worked on when I have to look presentable all the time I'm on duty. It's a constant balance to look presentable, but not deliberately look seductive.

Citing Anderson and Nida (1978): 'Highly attractive people of the same sex were judged as less talented than average-looking people'. Consequently my becoming a doctor changed that perception except it was to my emotional cost of becoming very lonely, afraid to engage with people in a social way. An example of this was my medical talent has not easily been acknowledged. 

Surely my looks would be just too good to be true for me to be considered as intelligent? Instead, newcomers froze at my dazzling smile and bewitching eyes, and they just can't get their eyes off me. And when I was with my best friend, she wouldn't introduce me to her boyfriend for fear of losing him to me. When I felt something was wrong and I asked, she admitted to feeling intimidated by my attractiveness, and then said it wasn't possible to be friends with me anymore. Well, bugger. But that's life.

I tried counselling, but it didn't help, though my best decision was wearing mirrored sunglasses to lessen the impact of being stared at. Men, even teenage boys would eye me in the street and wolf whistle. I'd avoid going near building sites, for those places were toxic and I would avoid them like plague.

I'm blonde with piercing blue eyes, and each are ringed with dark edges. My eyes, beautiful as they are can look larger if I apply eyeliner and mascara - because I like that look. But that never stopped people staring wherever I went, even in supermarkets. Consequently I retreated into myself, afraid for that fear returning: what would they do to me? My teenage years were painful, too, so I stayed at home and did extra studies, avoiding social media only because I couldn't be bothered or felt too tired. But the reality of being on social media was attracting all the wrong people who just wanted to get me laid, and that is why I developed a distrust until my confidence eventually started improving.

Looking back, I remember some went gone out of their way to harrass me on social media. And then there are those who find it easy to quickly hate me once they realised that I'm highly articulate as well as attractive. Because as soon as you possess a few of the traits most valued by our society - beauty, intelligence, a sense of humour, etc. - you have officially become the target of fuming resent. This was why half my activities was to work around that and try not to do anything to further aggravate the problem. And gradually, gradually, I realised the good things I was doing were bringing joy and happiness back into my life. And there came hope. Smile 

Hope came when my daughter's minder arrived to live with us full time, so everything changed for the bette. Now, being seen with her has put stop to this constant harrassment. Men still stare as they will, but they look at our lovely friend and stay away. I've had to tell my daughter to wear sunglasses lest she receives the same treatment from boys, but she's far better about handling it than me despite inheriting my attractiveness. She also gave me permission to share this, lovely that she is.

Looking back to a while ago, loud-talking guys would ogle me as I leaned across the cafe table enjoying my coffee. I remember feeling their collective gazes crawling over me like ants. All the time I'd been at this cafe, they elbowed each other like they'd never seen a pair of boobs before. The downside of being beautiful is that it draws creeps out of the woodwork and makes them feel entitled to treat me like a piece of meat. If my 12 year old daughter had been with me, she'd have jumped the table and whacked the grins off their faces. It wouldn't have been the first time. But now times have changed since I have this special friend who has made a big difference to my life and that of my daughter, and I'm feeling good knowing that beauty brings with it intelligence to prove those very wrong, and I am finally living a happier life.

I apologise if my comments may have triggered anyone, but I hope that this issue of being beautiful can reach more attention in society, but without self-centredness and barely disguised judgemental remarks, I don't think this is ever going to be happening. Especially from a certain type of man because they think differently from women, and act very differently and most definitely with sarcasm. If the previous man got at me again or sniped at my child who inherited my looks, I wouldn't hesitate to smash him right in the face. 

So... I am mostly over the issue that once weighed so heavily on me. Now I've about to start a relationship with someone very special and who adores my daughter, I believe that what I had been going through will eventually fade into nothingness.

Oh Rossiy!😂

After this intro you'll need another nick or account. Ha! 😉

If you were in Venezuela you'll be found to be another queen, but I'm the ugly unachiever type who always missed a chance to lose and avoided to be kicked. 
Uff
I'll be all I want to be!
Reply
#9
(10-28-2019, 04:14 PM)Lilly2 Wrote: I'll go first: 

I'm experiencing the following types of loneliness, according to the article linked in the thread:

1. New-situation loneliness: I relocated to a new state and don't know anyone in that new state. I also have mobility issues that I've not had before, so I've lost the friends I used to have that were more active, and I miss having active relationships and an active body to be able to form active relationships, such as those who enjoy hiking. 

2. I'm different loneliness: I identify as a minority, a disabled person, a non-traditional grad student applicant, a non-traditional disabled veteran, and many other minority status positions.  I feel different from most people, so it is hard for me to connect and bond with them, even though I appreciate diversity.  As a disabled person with chronic fatigue syndrome, I feel that my disorder is so controversial that I am treated and looked upon differently than other patients or members of society.  That lack of understanding reinforces my feelings of not belonging due to differences that others cannot tolerate and/or understand.  

3. Untrustworthy friends loneliness: I have many "friends," or what we in the USA refer to as "acquaintances."  They are not "close" friends, but rather people you enjoy hanging out with or conversing with from time to time, but their mannerisms or characteristics lessen your ability to trust them with.  For instance, some people I've known have disrespected my boundaries, gossiped about me, or sabotaged my relationships and/or careers.  In some cases, those relationships were salvaged through adequate communication, but in most cases, I've had to let go of those people whose behaviors were toxic.  For those relationships I managed to salvage, I remain distant yet open to the possibilities of rebuilding trust.  Nevertheless, during this time, it is lonely for me because I've essentially lost the relationships I once had when trust was there, regardless of whether it was earned or established appropriately.  

4. Quiet-presence loneliness: I miss having roommates sometimes, but not all the time.  I am asexual, so I've gotten used to not having a significant other.  I'm not really "lonely" per se from the lack of a significant other, but I'm lonely because I do miss having the quiet presence of someone around.  Living alone for the past 15 years has been an adjustment - I can tell you that!  I've gotten acclimated to living alone, but I'm still afraid of having no one around in case of emergencies.  Thankfully, I live in an apartment building, so my neighbors serve as wonderful "compensatory relationships" to replace roommates; having neighbors may not be the same types of relationships as having roommates, but their presence helps in terms of relieving my anxiety.  

So I have 4 out of 7 types of loneliness at the moment, if there are only 7 types (per the article link in the first thread post).  If there are additional types of loneliness (to the 7 mentioned in the article), please let me know.  

Thank you for allowing me to share and not feel so alone in the process - pun intended, I think (that is if I didn't fail at making a pun, hee hee).  
 I wish i had a friend like you next door!

I enjoyed your openess and certainly regret youdecided to be asexual ( l've tried that in my mind with no sucess). The more i walked and see ppl I regret I have no control on those likes I have cherrished since childhood and, If I were granted a life in the afterlife, I wish i weren't aware of the feelings i have or have had.

Since I have lived more than I planned my views can be different from any of you. I wish i had kept one real female friend but, as soon as I saw them got married, I left those bonds and, as soon as I got married, I left all my friends and I concentrarse on the things concerning my kids and on my Ex wife. Nowadays I think I have 3 friends and what I miss it's their belief system, which is different to mine and, If they were women, I would feel alone, but I'm used to being alone or dismissed. That helped to know I did that and too many times, that NOW I'm ashamed for all my wrongdoings. 😉

I'm aware of the "risks" of openess but, If I ever connect online, i could be reached by secularhermit@gmail.com
I'll be all I want to be!
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#10
(10-30-2019, 06:47 AM)Diagnosed Wrote:
(10-30-2019, 06:14 AM)Rosie007 Wrote: At one time my intense attractiveness caused me to avoid social places and parties because men used to hit on me and even women gave jealous glances, making me feel uncomfortable. Being beautiful had at one time a very serious effect on me, and I will explain further.

Having experienced low esteem from past hurts and betrayals, I learnt to become assertive. Assertiveness even stopped nastiness from other women, jealous because of my good looks. Still, my attractiveness is having to be constantly worked on when I have to look presentable all the time I'm on duty. It's a constant balance to look presentable, but not deliberately look seductive.

Citing Anderson and Nida (1978): 'Highly attractive people of the same sex were judged as less talented than average-looking people'. Consequently my becoming a doctor changed that perception except it was to my emotional cost of becoming very lonely, afraid to engage with people in a social way. An example of this was my medical talent has not easily been acknowledged. 

Surely my looks would be just too good to be true for me to be considered as intelligent? Instead, newcomers froze at my dazzling smile and bewitching eyes, and they just can't get their eyes off me. And when I was with my best friend, she wouldn't introduce me to her boyfriend for fear of losing him to me. When I felt something was wrong and I asked, she admitted to feeling intimidated by my attractiveness, and then said it wasn't possible to be friends with me anymore. Well, bugger. But that's life.

I tried counselling, but it didn't help, though my best decision was wearing mirrored sunglasses to lessen the impact of being stared at. Men, even teenage boys would eye me in the street and wolf whistle. I'd avoid going near building sites, for those places were toxic and I would avoid them like plague.

I'm blonde with piercing blue eyes, and each are ringed with dark edges. My eyes, beautiful as they are can look larger if I apply eyeliner and mascara - because I like that look. But that never stopped people staring wherever I went, even in supermarkets. Consequently I retreated into myself, afraid for that fear returning: what would they do to me? My teenage years were painful, too, so I stayed at home and did extra studies, avoiding social media only because I couldn't be bothered or felt too tired. But the reality of being on social media was attracting all the wrong people who just wanted to get me laid, and that is why I developed a distrust until my confidence eventually started improving.

Looking back, I remember some went gone out of their way to harrass me on social media. And then there are those who find it easy to quickly hate me once they realised that I'm highly articulate as well as attractive. Because as soon as you possess a few of the traits most valued by our society - beauty, intelligence, a sense of humour, etc. - you have officially become the target of fuming resent. This was why half my activities was to work around that and try not to do anything to further aggravate the problem. And gradually, gradually, I realised the good things I was doing were bringing joy and happiness back into my life. And there came hope. Smile 

Hope came when my daughter's minder arrived to live with us full time, so everything changed for the bette. Now, being seen with her has put stop to this constant harrassment. Men still stare as they will, but they look at our lovely friend and stay away. I've had to tell my daughter to wear sunglasses lest she receives the same treatment from boys, but she's far better about handling it than me despite inheriting my attractiveness. She also gave me permission to share this, lovely that she is.

Looking back to a while ago, loud-talking guys would ogle me as I leaned across the cafe table enjoying my coffee. I remember feeling their collective gazes crawling over me like ants. All the time I'd been at this cafe, they elbowed each other like they'd never seen a pair of boobs before. The downside of being beautiful is that it draws creeps out of the woodwork and makes them feel entitled to treat me like a piece of meat. If my 12 year old daughter had been with me, she'd have jumped the table and whacked the grins off their faces. It wouldn't have been the first time. But now times have changed since I have this special friend who has made a big difference to my life and that of my daughter, and I'm feeling good knowing that beauty brings with it intelligence to prove those very wrong, and I am finally living a happier life.

I apologise if my comments may have triggered anyone, but I hope that this issue of being beautiful can reach more attention in society, but without self-centredness and barely disguised judgemental remarks, I don't think this is ever going to be happening. Especially from a certain type of man because they think differently from women, and act very differently and most definitely with sarcasm. If the previous man got at me again or sniped at my child who inherited my looks, I wouldn't hesitate to smash him right in the face. 

So... I am mostly over the issue that once weighed so heavily on me. Now I've about to start a relationship with someone very special and who adores my daughter, I believe that what I had been going through will eventually fade into nothingness.

Oh Rossiy!😂

After this intro you'll need another nick or account. Ha! 😉

If you were in Venezuela you'll be found to be another queen, but I'm the ugly unachiever type who always missed a chance to lose and avoided to be kicked. 
Uff

You do me no favours replying in that sarcastic manner, because if you had to tolerate what I have had to throughout my teenage and professional life, then you would have written more tactfully.

Bend over: Club
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