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The Journey
#1
Please excuse the length of this, I was told journaling was a good way to acknowledge feelings and emotions when you have no one to talk to but it just made me feel bitchy and whiny and truthfully those things are damned depressing.  Knowing I still need to work on those things to move forward I decided to take a very Dr. Seuss approach to get those feelings and emotions written down.  This is the result.  I apologize in advance.

The Journey

 
Because nobody deemed me worthy or perhaps they just felt
 It would be easy for me even with no tools in my belt.
So with no guide to lead me in my journey of life.
I set out unaware of the upcoming strife.
In the beginning so naïve and also quite young,
I didn’t even realize the journey had begun.
 
And oh how many turns I would take wrong,
having to go back, start over it took very long.
Some of those wrong turns would become dead ends,
then I would pray for help from someone I could depend. 
No help ever arrived I had to continue on my own,
I fell in every hole and tripped on every stone.
Many of the trails contained dangers to be braved,
and I did get scared and injured by many a close shave.   
Occasionally so mixed up I would fall,
I ended up going backwards making no progress at all. 
 
But eventually with enough tries
I would find the right path., and breathe a quick sigh.
Somehow I managed through the most difficult part,
of this my life’s journey but still I do walk.  
I am not in such a hurry to get to its end,
now wise enough to know what’s waiting is not my friend.
 
Emerging from this trip damaged from all that transpired,
I am wounded and scarred but mostly just tired. 
Oft times tormented by the question of “why”,
what purpose or meaning has been gained by all that’s gone by.
Then I see a traveler starting to load up his pack,
my soul yearns to protect him from all that’ll attack. 
While my heart fills with nostalgia maybe a little sadness too
knowing that my best years are behind me and how that time flew. 
But back to the precious traveler what help can I give,
that will help them succeed that will help them to live.
 
So I yell out to them that I have a map,
that will help them avoid every pitfall and trap.
Young and so cocky as kids are today
they say thanks but no thanks we will do it our way.
So just like that it begins that first step they do take,
and I confirm with my map that was their first mistake.
 
So I yell even louder yet still nice words I do say
“please let me help you I know the way”
They look up with a sympathetic look on their face
kindly but firmly put me back in my place. 
Saying that time that you traveled is so far away,
and point out all the new paths not around in my day. 
We can tell you every part of this journey we’ve gripped
 and can also assure you we’ve come quite equipped. 
So they stumble and fumble and get turned right round,
now hurt, tired and worried about all the trouble they’d found.
 
So I say one more time in a pleading sort of way,
choosing words wisely so they might hear what I say.
My map is very old, but it’s tried and its true,
don’t follow it blindly let it be one of your tools too.
But my beloved travelers don’t even seem to hear,
tired of listening to me with so much more to fear.  
So forward into danger the arrogant traveler does go
thinking to themselves “old people don’t know half of what we know”
 
So I sat down and watched what more could I do
and I cringed at the thought of what next, I might view.
Wait….. an idea! And I yell down once more
hoping they might hear me unlike before.
“what if I carry you all on my back
relieving your burdens while taking my path? 
In their eyes acceptance I see in no time
and before I know it on my back, they all climb.   
but wait…. another thought pops into my head
“what the hell am I doing?  I’m tired, near dead. 
How will I ever complete such a task?”
then I see the travelers face and know I would do anything they ask. 
My heart swells its size, now it’s bigger than my brain
and with my new burden I head out again.
 
My map does help me so no hazards I fear
but each step I take makes something else clear. 
I can barely continue and really need a rest
but I promised my charges that I would do my best. 
But I am drained and do start to go slow
when the shock of all shocks nearly shuts down the show. 
One of them just kicked me asking “what can be wrong,
why are you going so slow, you are taking too long”?  
The words I won’t lie cut me down to the quick
but I excuse because they are tired maybe scared or they’re sick. 
I dig down deep to pick up my pace,
not even yet aware of my great fall from grace.   
 
The faster and farther I carry them on their trek,
the more that I change in their eyes. what the heck? 
It seems that in putting myself last for their sake,
made them think less of me too…Oh, what a mistake. 
Each transgression that I chose to ignore,
was like a silent approval for them to transgress more. 
Excusing the pain they inflicted took a toll,
each word and deed remembered hell etched on my soul.
 
So now it seemed twas my duty to haul them all the way,
and I would be the only one that would ever have to pay. 
When I knew surely it couldn’t get any worse
one of them asked me “hey where is your purse?” 
Then I heard “She gets to carry us so one should give due
when this ride is over, she’d better say “Thank you” 
So that is my story up to this point and time,
I am still on this journey and if you ask me “I am fine.” 
Sometimes even the devil on my shoulder asks "What the hell are you doing now?"

I have completely mastered the art of doing everything wrong.
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