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Good morning!
#1
Toungue 
Hello everyone  Shy


Bit of a weird (and lengthy) one this, because I'm sure some of you will read this and think 'well he's not really alone', but hey, if you can be bothered to read this then you're decent person!

I'm 24, got a good paying job (£30,000 a year), but no car, no girlfriend, very few friends, and I'm living at home.

I feel like I'm in a state of flux, where I know I COULD move into my own place, buy a car, make a whole load of friends, but there's something inside of me that keeps holding me back from making those big steps!

In terms of the place, I just know I haven't got the skills to live on my own yet (can only cook the very basic things, everywhere around me is so expensive that I would literally have no money left over to actually live a life worth living outside work, and living on my own would probably make me go mad lol!).
The car, I passed my driving test back in 2012 but haven't had a car since because I've always relied on public transport, or the odd lift from a family member to get to places.

With friends, I had to sort of shut them out in secondary school and sixth form because I was struggling with my grades, so had to take the tough decision to revise over lunchtimes and after school when they were going out on night outs and all that, so they simply faded away. I've got a really good friend that I've known for 12 years now, but I know I can't rely on him forever. I need to widen my circle.

On the girlfriend front, I've actually been on two really positive dates recently with a girl who seems to like me a lot (lots of kissing, lots of laughter etc.), but her Instagram story shows that she's always out with tonnes of her friends and living a fun life, whereas I'm a relative hermit and feel like I have to lie about 'what I'm up to on the weekend'. She's got a car, seems to be completely switched on as to where she wants to go in life, whereas I (at the same age as her) feel like a fish out of water still.

My sister is 22, she's just got a boyfriend and they are always in the house laughing and joking, and it sort of feels like she's ahead of me already in life despite being 2 years younger...

The pain inside of me about all of this comes from the knowledge that I know I COULD take the leap in a lot of those areas (getting a car, a place, girlfriend etc.) but I just don't feel completely ready yet, but I also feel I NEED to get a move on quick or I will just fall further behind and become an even bigger 'stranger' if you like (still living as if I'm a kid when I'm in my 20s). 

Why am I posting this list of essentially life problems? Because I feel like I'm alone in my own little bubble here, and that everyone around me 'seems' to be totally fine with making these massive steps forward in their lives.

Not sure why I wrote all of this, because I sort of know the cure ('JUST DO IT') but felt cathartic to type all this out, so I suppose that's a positive. Anyone else feel a similar sense of pain/confusion, or is this feeling of being in 'flux' unique to me (doubt it)?

Regards, 
'D'
Quote:What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. ~ Henry David Thoreau
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#2
seem to me you likely have no problem at all.

no car, no gf, no problem.

welcome!!!
must be me right?  Cool

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#3
Welcome! 🌸
I would figure out what you wanted the most and work from that.
At some point you just have to go for it.
And the living at home thing, I think everyone is a little nervous about making the first step and being on their own. If I were in your shoes I’d start with that, but that’s me. 
Hope you have a nice stay here. 🌸
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#4
(11-16-2019, 07:14 PM)anIsolatedMan96 Wrote: ...

The pain inside of me about all of this comes from the knowledge that I know I COULD take the leap in a lot of those areas (getting a car, a place, girlfriend etc.) but I just don't feel completely ready yet, but I also feel I NEED to get a move on quick or I will just fall further behind and become an even bigger 'stranger' if you like (still living as if I'm a kid when I'm in my 20s). 

Why am I posting this list of essentially life problems? Because I feel like I'm alone in my own little bubble here, and that everyone around me 'seems' to be totally fine with making these massive steps forward in their lives.

Not sure why I wrote all of this, because I sort of know the cure ('JUST DO IT') but felt cathartic to type all this out, so I suppose that's a positive. Anyone else feel a similar sense of pain/confusion, or is this feeling of being in 'flux' unique to me (doubt it)?

Regards, 
'D'

I'm in my 40s and I'm living as if I'm a kid, not because I want it, but because I have no choice. My job doesn't pay much, and I'm looking for a new one (that won't pay so much more, but I have to take steps...), and it's been hard to find. It'll be a year I'm looking for, now. (I hope it'll pay off sooner than later, but I'm always afraid.) How I envy you, man! (Not in a bitter way, at least not against you, but against the god who's given you a normal life (if you want to have one¹), and why doesn't he help me???
 
Ok, now: (¹) "If you want to have one" (that is, a life). Sorry, I mean, I'm sure you do want to. You can, and I encourage you. But I get that it feels difficult, I guess. It is easy to live at our parents'. A lot easy, if they're good people, and once you don't complain, I believe yours are, as mine are too. Maybe it's a matter of what you want of your life, I guess. We tend to get used to life as it is. I say this because I should have started looking for a new job a long time ago, at least three, two years ago. It happened now, this year, only this year (I mean, I did make little efforts back then, in 2015, I guess, and 2018, though these efforts weren't with persistence), it just happened now because it came to the extreme situation, because of some things that happened at the beginning of this year, that were unbearable, and I could not endure any longer. I can't, so now I will not give up until something changes for real. Sometimes we only act when it comes to some sort of extreme point.
 
You have the means. Ok, maybe it isn't the time yet, I don't know. However, once you do have means, use what you've got. I don't know, go know the world... travel. Go outside. Life is not having a home, a car, a girlfriend, you know? There's a lot of things you can do, inside (within yourself, your soul) and outside (for yourself to grow in knowledge, experience). A place of yours will be consequence of the person you become, I believe. So, don't worry about what you can have in your life, but live, once you can. I cannot. I wish I could, and hopefully I will do more than I can do right now. With my limited resources I do enjoy living...
 
Anyway, welcome to this forum. It's a good place. Nice people.
 
Cheers from distant South America.
Gus
Hello. I'm Gustavo. (If you call me Gus, it's all right too.)
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#5
Hi D. Welcome!
Taking that first leap is never easy and, sadly, 'just do it' isn't really a cure. I remember the feeling. Now I'm almost 40 and one thing I have never encountered, not once, was a 'right time' or 'right moment' for anything. I think if you wait for things to feel 100 % right, you might wait your whole lifetime. Aim for 70 % right instead.
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#6
Toungue 
(11-16-2019, 08:02 PM)lookatbrightside Wrote: seem to me you likely have no problem at all.

no car, no gf, no problem.

welcome!!!

Haha, I guess I just need to change my perspective  Smile Thanks!

(11-16-2019, 08:23 PM)MissBehave Wrote: Welcome! 🌸
I would figure out what you wanted the most and work from that.
At some point you just have to go for it.
And the living at home thing, I think everyone is a little nervous about making the first step and being on their own. If I were in your shoes I’d start with that, but that’s me. 
Hope you have a nice stay here. 🌸

Thanks MissBehave! I feel like leaving home would be the most beneficial, if most difficult step I can take next. Living at home is of course very beneficial financially and practical, but having my own place to call home would allow me to do so many more things that I can't really do living at home in terms of social and romantic relationships  Smile

(11-17-2019, 06:44 AM)cozy Wrote: Hi D. Welcome!
Taking that first leap is never easy and, sadly, 'just do it' isn't really a cure. I remember the feeling. Now I'm almost 40 and one thing I have never encountered, not once, was a 'right time' or 'right moment' for anything. I think if you wait for things to feel 100 % right, you might wait your whole lifetime. Aim for 70 % right instead.

Thanks for your wise words, cozy! Yeah I don't feel there will ever be a 100% right moment, so I'll have to take a leap at some point. Will wait until I reach a level that I can live with before I do it!

(11-17-2019, 12:21 AM)GustavusMacer Wrote:
(11-16-2019, 07:14 PM)anIsolatedMan96 Wrote: ...

The pain inside of me about all of this comes from the knowledge that I know I COULD take the leap in a lot of those areas (getting a car, a place, girlfriend etc.) but I just don't feel completely ready yet, but I also feel I NEED to get a move on quick or I will just fall further behind and become an even bigger 'stranger' if you like (still living as if I'm a kid when I'm in my 20s). 

Why am I posting this list of essentially life problems? Because I feel like I'm alone in my own little bubble here, and that everyone around me 'seems' to be totally fine with making these massive steps forward in their lives.

Not sure why I wrote all of this, because I sort of know the cure ('JUST DO IT') but felt cathartic to type all this out, so I suppose that's a positive. Anyone else feel a similar sense of pain/confusion, or is this feeling of being in 'flux' unique to me (doubt it)?

Regards, 
'D'

I'm in my 40s and I'm living as if I'm a kid, not because I want it, but because I have no choice. My job doesn't pay much, and I'm looking for a new one (that won't pay so much more, but I have to take steps...), and it's been hard to find. It'll be a year I'm looking for, now. (I hope it'll pay off sooner than later, but I'm always afraid.) How I envy you, man! (Not in a bitter way, at least not against you, but against the god who's given you a normal life (if you want to have one¹), and why doesn't he help me???
 
Ok, now: (¹) "If you want to have one" (that is, a life). Sorry, I mean, I'm sure you do want to. You can, and I encourage you. But I get that it feels difficult, I guess. It is easy to live at our parents'. A lot easy, if they're good people, and once you don't complain, I believe yours are, as mine are too. Maybe it's a matter of what you want of your life, I guess. We tend to get used to life as it is. I say this because I should have started looking for a new job a long time ago, at least three, two years ago. It happened now, this year, only this year (I mean, I did make little efforts back then, in 2015, I guess, and 2018, though these efforts weren't with persistence), it just happened now because it came to the extreme situation, because of some things that happened at the beginning of this year, that were unbearable, and I could not endure any longer. I can't, so now I will not give up until something changes for real. Sometimes we only act when it comes to some sort of extreme point.
 
You have the means. Ok, maybe it isn't the time yet, I don't know. However, once you do have means, use what you've got. I don't know, go know the world... travel. Go outside. Life is not having a home, a car, a girlfriend, you know? There's a lot of things you can do, inside (within yourself, your soul) and outside (for yourself to grow in knowledge, experience). A place of yours will be consequence of the person you become, I believe. So, don't worry about what you can have in your life, but live, once you can. I cannot. I wish I could, and hopefully I will do more than I can do right now. With my limited resources I do enjoy living...
 
Anyway, welcome to this forum. It's a good place. Nice people.
 
Cheers from distant South America.
Gus

Very interesting words, Gus! Thanks for taking the time to write all of that! 

I'm sorry to hear your situation! You sound like a strong willed person though with lots of grit and determination, things will definitely improve for you! I wish I had that determination! 

Your point about only taking the step when you reach an extreme moment resonates with me. I've put off a lot of things in my life, and eventually something really big and nasty forces me to take that step! It's horrible! 

I will try to realign my priorities, but it's very difficult to do that over night. I will have to take some time! 

Thanks again for the response, Gus! (from lovely South America)  Big Grin
Quote:What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. ~ Henry David Thoreau
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#7
Wish you all the best with that!
Think you are gonna do just fine 😉
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#8
(South America is definitely not that lovely nowadays... But why not dream a little of distant lands? lol)
Hello. I'm Gustavo. (If you call me Gus, it's all right too.)
Reply
#9
UPDATE for anyone who is interested!

So since my original 'Good morning!' post, I've started turning my life around. It's been unbelievably difficult, and I've had to step so far outside of my comfort zone that I feel like a different person completely to what I was before the last few weeks!

The girl I was seeing for a few weeks is officially my girlfriend now. We get on really well, and she's so friendly and beautiful that I still feel in a state of 'how long is this actually going to last because she's out of my league!'. 

I bought a CAR! Took all the guts and bravery to just go out there and buy a car (considering I haven't driven for SIX years) but I did it! Feels really cool to be able to go out and do what I want to do, without having to pester my Mum for a lift! 

On the 'moving out' front, I still haven't done that, and it may take a bit more time for me to pluck up the courage (and the money) to do that. 

But managing to essentially 'complete' two of my three core problems that I outlined in my original post feels really good!

Anyway, I'm sure you all have interesting things to do with your evening, so I'll stop waffling! Thanks for reading! 
Quote:What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. ~ Henry David Thoreau
Reply
#10
(12-01-2019, 04:38 AM)anIsolatedMan96 Wrote: UPDATE for anyone who is interested!

So since my original 'Good morning!' post, I've started turning my life around. It's been unbelievably difficult, and I've had to step so far outside of my comfort zone that I feel like a different person completely to what I was before the last few weeks!

The girl I was seeing for a few weeks is officially my girlfriend now. We get on really well, and she's so friendly and beautiful that I still feel in a state of 'how long is this actually going to last because she's out of my league!'. 

I bought a CAR! Took all the guts and bravery to just go out there and buy a car (considering I haven't driven for SIX years) but I did it! Feels really cool to be able to go out and do what I want to do, without having to pester my Mum for a lift! 

On the 'moving out' front, I still haven't done that, and it may take a bit more time for me to pluck up the courage (and the money) to do that. 

But managing to essentially 'complete' two of my three core problems that I outlined in my original post feels really good!

Anyway, I'm sure you all have interesting things to do with your evening, so I'll stop waffling! Thanks for reading

congrats  Smile
must be me right?  Cool

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