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Being Yourself
#11
To Who it may concern:

I have filled in the questions of the MMPI-2 test thismorning. It{s morethan 550 questions to know how to be myself...

If I was younger and was granted the chance to be engage with a woman who liked me (when I liked her) I wish she filled that TEST to know who she is (that will spare me time and sufferings)

By the way...

Some tips here remindded me I ned to update a picture of MYSELF to be myself on line.

It´s foolish I gave an advice as a tip not applying it to be truthful.

I´m talking to myself, not addressing a particular ppl on this thread.
I'll be all I want to be!
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#12
That sounds like an interesting test Diagnosed. And that is why I put a picture of myself up I have come to realize I hide a lot and need to not do that so much. I may not leave it up long but I did it for now. I wish you the best with everything Diagnosed.
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#13
(11-27-2019, 06:56 PM)Cucuboth Wrote: Or that you get told to speak your mind, even show your emotions more, and then when you do you get shut down for it. 

Seems to happen a lot.

Yes, I have noticed this.


(11-28-2019, 12:12 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: You should be yourself and you should speak your mind (to an extent).  The people that have a problem with that aren't deserving of your time.

The trick is when is the right time to speak your mind.


(12-06-2019, 02:34 PM)Sci-Fi Wrote: I know who I am and I like who I am.  You don't have to be what society or people tell you you have to be.  You just be you.

We all should be like this and if we were we would be better for it.
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#14
(12-24-2019, 11:30 AM)BeyondShy Wrote:
(11-27-2019, 06:56 PM)Cucuboth Wrote: Or that you get told to speak your mind, even show your emotions more, and then when you do you get shut down for it. 

Seems to happen a lot.

Yes, I have noticed this.


(11-28-2019, 12:12 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: You should be yourself and you should speak your mind (to an extent).  The people that have a problem with that aren't deserving of your time.

The trick is when is the right time to speak your mind.


(12-06-2019, 02:34 PM)Sci-Fi Wrote: I know who I am and I like who I am.  You don't have to be what society or people tell you you have to be.  You just be you.

We all should be like this and if we were we would be better for it.

Would be good if we could be like that, and all be ourselves. But how often are we told conflicting advice? Be yourself, but also be someone completely different at the same time. The old “fake it till you make it” advice. 

I guess it confuses me how some people can be themselves, and be accepted, even praised, for it, even if they are mean. Yet others can be themselves, and be nice, and be totally rejected for it. I don’t believe it is just down to luck. People are well aware of how they treat others.
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#15
(12-24-2019, 11:30 AM)BeyondShy Wrote:
(11-28-2019, 12:12 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: You should be yourself and you should speak your mind (to an extent).  The people that have a problem with that aren't deserving of your time.

The trick is when is the right time to speak your mind.

In my opinion, the only time it's NOT okay to speak your mind is when it would hurt someone else. Such as being racist or sexist or judgmental for whatever reason.  
Another thing that matters when you speak is your is the delivery.  Like if you have an angry tone or if you come off as superior or whatever.  Sure, some will think you are angry and/or superior or whatever anyway, but still.  

(12-24-2019, 12:06 PM)Cucuboth Wrote: Would be good if we could be like that, and all be ourselves. But how often are we told conflicting advice? Be yourself, but also be someone completely different at the same time. The old “fake it till you make it” advice. 

I guess it confuses me how some people can be themselves, and be accepted, even praised, for it, even if they are mean. Yet others can be themselves, and be nice, and be totally rejected for it. I don’t believe it is just down to luck. People are well aware of how they treat others.

Fake it til you make it has a purpose. It's not really for other people, though it does help with other people.  It's for you, it's so YOU can get through whatever you are going through.  It's so you can find your way through life until you get a handle on yourself.  Fake it til you make it is a temporary fix to help you cope and get you to the point where you don't have to fake it.

Now, there really are people who are actually mean to others and are accepted, but sometimes, it's perception.  You don't like what they say and do, so you deem them an asshole or whatever, but they aren't really being mean. 
Also, people are different around certain types of people.  Take my ex, for example.  He will do anything and everything for his friends, but he was abusive (especially verbally) to me.  Still is when he gets mad at me.  So in his friends' minds, he is a great guy, but in my mind, not so much. 
And sometimes, the people accepting the person are also assholes. lol
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#16
Yeah all the time.

If "Being ourselves" was the right answer. Most of us would not be on this forum.
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#17
I used to really try to listen to people. And, others say what they think, feel, etc. But, then I realized, when i said anything, that nobody listens to or acknowledges me so now I don't bother. If someone won't listen to my BS, then i have no interest to listen to theirs anymore.
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#18
(01-16-2020, 11:32 PM)fluffer Wrote: I used to really try to listen to people.  And, others say what they think, feel, etc.  But, then I realized, when i said anything, that nobody listens to or acknowledges me so now I don't bother.    If someone won't listen to my BS, then i have no interest to listen to theirs anymore.

So do you only listen and help others because you expect them to listen and help you?  I suppose it's a matter of perspective and why you do whatever you do. 
I listen to people here (regardless of what people here think) and I know a lot of what I say will go in one ear and out the other, if they bother to read it at all.  I know a lot of what I say will be picked apart and attacked.  I know a lot won't care what I have to say or sympathize with me or offer help.  I know a lot will try to turn what I say into something it's not.  I know some will later use what I went through or my current situation to attack me. 
None of that matters.  I am here to try to help people.  I am here to give a different perspective on things.  I don't care what other people do and don't do for me.  It's not much different in real life.  If I think I can help someone, even by just listening to them rant and complain, I will do so because helping others ultimately helps me.  Not by receiving something in return, but by knowing I did my part to help another person in this world.

(01-16-2020, 10:20 PM)pad79 Wrote: Yeah all the time.

If "Being ourselves" was the right answer. Most of us would not be on this forum.

I'm not saying it's easy to "be yourself" and obtain what you want, but how can anyone else accept you if you're aren't yourself?  If you're pretending to be someone you aren't, people aren't liking YOU, they are liking what you are pretending to be.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
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#19
(01-17-2020, 12:08 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote:
(01-16-2020, 11:32 PM)fluffer Wrote: I used to really try to listen to people.  And, others say what they think, feel, etc.  But, then I realized, when i said anything, that nobody listens to or acknowledges me so now I don't bother.    If someone won't listen to my BS, then i have no interest to listen to theirs anymore.

So do you only listen and help others because you expect them to listen and help you?  I suppose it's a matter of perspective and why you do whatever you do. 
I listen to people here (regardless of what people here think) and I know a lot of what I say will go in one ear and out the other, if they bother to read it at all.  I know a lot of what I say will be picked apart and attacked.  I know a lot won't care what I have to say or sympathize with me or offer help.  I know a lot will try to turn what I say into something it's not.  I know some will later use what I went through or my current situation to attack me. 
None of that matters.  I am here to try to help people.  I am here to give a different perspective on things.  I don't care what other people do and don't do for me.  It's not much different in real life.  If I think I can help someone, even by just listening to them rant and complain, I will do so because helping others ultimately helps me.  Not by receiving something in return, but by knowing I did my part to help another person in this world.

(01-16-2020, 10:20 PM)pad79 Wrote: Yeah all the time.

If "Being ourselves" was the right answer. Most of us would not be on this forum.

I'm not saying it's easy to "be yourself" and obtain what you want, but how can anyone else accept you if you're aren't yourself?  If you're pretending to be someone you aren't, people aren't liking YOU, they are liking what you are pretending to be.

And yet I have been told, even by therapists, to pretend to be someone else. 

That is what I have never understood. Be yourself, but nobody seems to like that. Get told to be someone else, and then get accused of being fake and a liar. Go back to being yourself, and round and round we go ....
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#20
The phrase, "be yourself," is a double bind. It's a command to be spontaneous; when, spontaneity has to be a choice made of one's own accord; if even that. It's something you just do. Society is riddled with such situations; which, is probably why people are constantly tense, frustrated, and have a general feeling of dis-ease. It's been this way probably since the beginning of there for a way to be; and it will probably continue on as long as there is a way to be.

There is no way NOT to be yourself; you are already doing it. Even if you are being a complete, utter, fake, phoney; you, are being yourself, and probably doing what the majority of people are doing. The people who are really playing at, 'being themselves,' couldn't tell you how to do it, any more than some one could explain to you in a few words how to play Bethoven's Piano Concerto No. 5. Worse than that, at least there are probably instructions to eventually learn how to play the Piano Concerto No. 5. You won't find a book or tutorial in the world that covers how YOU, specifically you, can and should go about being yourself.

Accordingly, my words will fail just as well. I don't know how to, 'be myself'. I care what others think when I shouldn't and probably don't care what others think when I should. I put others before myself, often at my own expense. I self deprecate constantly. I feel all sorts of guilts and shames for things, I really perhaps shouldn't give a shit about, if not, to a certain modest degree, celebrate. The list goes on. Yet, those are the things my, 'self', is doing, so how is that not being me? It's still me playing at not being the real me.

However, that's no excuse to sit it out instead of dance. It's no excuse not to ask a pretty girl out, even if I fear making a fool of myself and getting rejected. It's no excuse not to take leaps of faith for my life in the direction I'd like to take it; paths I choose not to go down for fear of whatever failure or calamity might ensue if things don't go right, etc.. etc.. Just because you are being yourself when you are not being yourself doesn't mean you get a free pass at not being yourself. You know what's inside of you, and, THAT, is what tears you up inside. It's what eats away at, probably, ALL of us, in one form or another, even though the forms of others may be hidden from us or indistinguishable at different moments.

Perhaps even those who give such advice and seem to be able to do the, 'dance', themselves, must have their own problems. What's the use of knowing how to dance the Tango if you've no partner to dance with? To me, I guess, sometimes the sun shines, and other times, the clouds block out the heavens; but, where I live, it's nice to get rain. Other places, it rains more than not, and it's nice to get clear skies..

It's just one of those things. No one can tell you how to do it, and there is no way to figure out how to do it; and yet, it must be done. Right?
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard inner battle.
Namu Amida Butsu.

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