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How Do You Deal With Social Anxiety?
#1
I hope I'm putting this in the right category. I want to make it clear, first and foremost, that I'm not looking for a cure-all or anything here. I'm just want advice, tips, personal experiences, etc.

To give a bit of background, I feel like my social anxiety has and still is ruining my life. People have reached out to me, but I can never muster up the courage to reach back until it's too late. I discover people with similar interests, feelings, etc., but I can never get myself to talk to them, online or otherwise. 

It's always a constant loop of the worst-case scenario in my head and it's practically torture. I want to reach out, I'm trying to reach out, I'm trying my best, but it still isn't enough! I keep getting caught up in those worst-case scenarios, I keep stopping myself from making friends and connecting with others, I keep telling myself that it's better to be lonely than risk being hurt even though I know it's not true.

So, tell me: how do you cope with social anxiety disorder? What are your tips for overcoming it or, at the very least, making it a non-issue in day-to-day life? I'm tired of letting my SAD control my life like this.
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#2
Wishing you all the best in your struggle with this, you seem like a bright and decent person and you deserve to overcome it. Easier said than done, I know from my own experience that it can be a complete nuisance.
I don't tend to have trouble with computer based contact or phone etc, but face to face can be a real challenge. My own trick is to have a kind of "prepared top three" of subjects to talk about, and maybe have a couple of current affairs topics in my head to converse over. This generally gives me enough material to fill the gap with. I compare it to prepping kindling for a fire, get the small talk going then throw on the bigger stuff and then it kinda goes by itself no matter what.
As I say, I really wish you the best. I'm sure all those worse case scenarios A) won't happen and the B) they probably aren't so terrible on the grand scheme of things.
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#3
I can relate . Social anxiety is hell. Sorry u suffer from it as well. It's very difficult to deal with. I wish I had tips. I think it I could to be high a lot it would be way easier to deal with. Can't really afford drugs though.lol
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#4
It depends on the person mostly. However, meeting the right person and conversing with them daily especially if they are mature and the opposite of you can do wonders.

It's surrounding yourself with the right people who think positive and not negative is what works best in my opinion. Forget common interests, they mean nothing and will only get you conversing with them and no one else. It doesn't rid you of your social anxiety, you just become more comfortable around that select group.

Conquering fear is what pushes you out of your anxiety. We shouldn't let people who are crap keep us from talking to other people. Then you just become part of the same crappy bunch yourself over time when you isolate yourself lol. Everyone absorbs and learns from one another. Stay away from the like-minded in order to grow and change into a better you.
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#5
(12-01-2019, 09:45 AM)Yeti1980 Wrote: I don't tend to have trouble with computer based contact or phone etc, but face to face can be a real challenge. 

Unfortunately, I have the misfortune of struggling with online and real-life communication. I know I shouldn't be so anxious about talking to people online because I'm talking to strangers who'll never know me personally, but it's still really difficult for some reason.

Quote:My own trick is to have a kind of "prepared top three" of subjects to talk about, and maybe have a couple of current affairs topics in my head to converse over. This generally gives me enough material to fill the gap with. I compare it to prepping kindling for a fire, get the small talk going then throw on the bigger stuff and then it kinda goes by itself no matter what.

The "Prepared Top 3" is a good idea. I might try that in the future, but I have to get through the difficulties of actually starting a conversation first. I can't, for the life of me, strike up a conversation with a stranger IRL. I see plenty of opportunities, but I usually talk myself out of it or I find that I'm literally incapable of getting myself to speak.  

Quote:As I say, I really wish you the best. I'm sure all those worse case scenarios A) won't happen and the B) they probably aren't so terrible on the grand scheme of things.

Yeah, you're probably right, but when it comes to anxiety, our brains love to lie to us. Nevertheless, I'll try to take that advice to heart. In the heat of the moment, it's easy forget that the worst thing that can happen usually isn't all that bad at all. 

Thanks for the reply, and best wishes to you and yours as well!  Big Grin
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#6
(12-01-2019, 10:26 AM)ahsatan Wrote: I can relate . Social anxiety is hell. Sorry u suffer from it as well. It's very difficult to deal with.I wish I had tips.
It's good to know that I'm not alone in this... well, "good" is the wrong word, but you know what I mean. 
And that's okay. It's the thought that counts, right? ^^

Quote:I think it I could to be high a lot  it would be way easier to deal with.  Can't really afford drugs though.lol
I wish I could get my hands on some marijuana, I've heard it really helps with anxiety and depression, but it hasn't been legalised in my homestate yet. Not even for medicinal use. Rolleyes
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#7
Edit: Aaand I just realized I'm replying to a banned account. Whoops...

(12-01-2019, 10:08 PM)Seeky Wrote: It depends on the person mostly. However, meeting the right person and conversing with them daily especially if they are mature and the opposite of you can do wonders.

It's surrounding yourself with the right people who think positive and not negative is what works best in my opinion. Forget common interests, they mean nothing and will only get you conversing with them and no one else. It doesn't rid you of your social anxiety, you just become more comfortable around that select group.

Conquering fear is what pushes you out of your anxiety. We shouldn't let people who are crap keep us from talking to other people. Then you just become part of the same crappy bunch yourself over time when you isolate yourself lol. Everyone absorbs and learns from one another. Stay away from the like-minded in order to grow and change into a better you.

I don't think I agree with that, I think it's quite the opposite personally. How are you supposed to form a bond with someone that you don't have anything in common with? 


I mean, of course you're supposed to surround yourself with different people with different views and interests so you're not in an echo-chamber, but 100% of the people you surround yourself with? I dunno, that doesn't sound, for lack of a better word, healthy.

That's just my 2¢ though.
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#8
I empathise with your feelings my friend.

I've actually had social anxiety all my life (I'm 23), but I didn't really realise I had it until my late teens. I've managed to crawl out of social anxiety a bit in the last few years. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with the emotional side of it (e.g. feeling drained often). 


Quote:It's always a constant loop of the worst-case scenario in my head and it's practically torture. I want to reach out, I'm trying to reach out, I'm trying my best, but it still isn't enough! I keep getting caught up in those worst-case scenarios, I keep stopping myself from making friends and connecting with others, I keep telling myself that it's better to be lonely than risk being hurt even though I know it's not true.

Firstly, try to switch off and open yourself up to possible embarrassment. I know how hard that seems, but everything POSITIVE I've ever done in my life happened because I just thought "You know what, I'm just gonna go for it and see what happens". I know the mind tells you that things will go wrong and you'll make a mistake and you'll be so uncomfortable that it'll kill your internally. Trust me! You WILL feel sooooo much better for taking your chances! 

Secondly, it's totally normal (especially in today's cynical world) to feel like you want to isolate and be in your own safe space if you like.

Thirdly, try keeping a diary! I'm not talking a classic morning night diary, I'm saying to a notepad with you wherever you go and when you feel slightly wobbly (anxious, lonely, a general feeling of fear in your stomach), open up the notepad, write the date and time, and just write exactly what you are thinking. I started doing this a few years ago when I felt low, and just the act of writing exactly what I was feeling without feeling I had to lie made me feel slightly better. 

Sorry if these pieces of advice are not very expert, I'm only offering some methods that worked for me as I have the same issue! 

Best of like my friend! Life DOES get better, and it always tend to happen when you least expect it so carry on plugging away and it'll come!
Quote:What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. ~ Henry David Thoreau
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#9
Yes i know what u mean. It makes me feel a little better that i'm not the only one suffering from social anxiety.

I'm so sorry weed is not legal where you are . It's legal where I am and so the price is jacked up which sux. It just became legal this year.Yea I heard it's suppose to be great for anxiety and depression too. Even pain.
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#10
(12-02-2019, 04:28 AM)anIsolatedMan96 Wrote: I've actually had social anxiety all my life (I'm 23), but I didn't really realise I had it until my late teens. I've managed to crawl out of social anxiety a bit in the last few years. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with the emotional side of it (e.g. feeling drained often).

I was diagnosed with SAD about... four years ago. I don't think I was born with it considering it didn't really flare up until then, though I could be wrong; I don't know a thing about psychology. =P And it's great to hear that you overcame it... mostly, it's definitely not an easy feat to achieve.

Quote:Firstly, try to switch off and open yourself up to possible embarrassment. I know how hard that seems, but everything POSITIVE I've ever done in my life happened because I just thought "You know what, I'm just gonna go for it and see what happens". I know the mind tells you that things will go wrong and you'll make a mistake and you'll be so uncomfortable that it'll kill your internally. Trust me! You WILL feel sooooo much better for taking your chances!

Years ago, I've tried doing that before and I gave up because I just couldn't "master" it, but I've missed countless opportunities since then because I was too afraid to try it again. You've encouraged me to give it another chance, however, and hopefully, it'll have a better outcome this time around. I know that's just life, that things can't turn out perfectly 100% of the time, but do you have any tips for what to do when it does and how to "bounce back" from it? It's okay if you don't, but it doesn't hurt to ask. ^^ 

Quote:Secondly, it's totally normal (especially in today's cynical world) to feel like you want to isolate and be in your own safe space if you like.

Growing up, I've always been told that you have to be sociable and "get out more" to have a happy, fulfilling life and that loners are sociopathic freaks that can't love or be loved (I wish I was making up those examples). It's actually kind of liberating to be reminded that it's normal to feel this way. Thank you.

Quote:Thirdly, try keeping a diary! I'm not talking a classic morning night diary, I'm saying to a notepad with you wherever you go and when you feel slightly wobbly (anxious, lonely, a general feeling of fear in your stomach), open up the notepad, write the date and time, and just write exactly what you are thinking. I started doing this a few years ago when I felt low, and just the act of writing exactly what I was feeling without feeling I had to lie made me feel slightly better.

Hmm. I'll have to keep that in mind!

Quote:Sorry if these pieces of advice are not very expert, I'm only offering some methods that worked for me as I have the same issue!

No need to apologize! I personally found your advice very helpful... if what I said above didn't make that clear enough. =P

Quote:Best of luck my friend! Life DOES get better, and it always tend to happen when you least expect it so carry on plugging away and it'll come!


You're right. It has and it does, even when, sometimes, it doesn't seem like it.

By the way, I love your signature!
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