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Dreary Sunday
#1
Hello everyone..I am a very young 65 year old widow. I have been widowed for 9 years, my husband was dx at 51 and passed at 54..I was 57...I feel like I have been alone forever..I did so much for maybe 6-7 years after he passed. Now I am tired of being alone and doing everything I do alone...All my closest girlfriends have also passed away very young...and my only sibling is gone..I have tried clubs, volunteering, meeting new friends and being very flexible in doing what they wanted most of the time..I was happy to get out and have someone to talk to. I dated once, and he ended up to have some real issues....I have been ill for the past 9 months..and have been forced to spend at least 5-6 days a week, home alone with no one to talk to ..I feel as if the isolation has caught up with me....with the holidays coming all is worse...the past few years I have had people around , now I don't....and it's even lonelier...I have lost my middle daughter at 21 but I do have 2 grown daughters and grandkids...everyone has their own life and I am happy for that...BUT being alone all the time makes me not really want to even be with my kids on holidays...I just don't feel like talking to anyone after being alone so much.....I have no idea how to go on..I am from the Phila. suburbs.
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#2
[Image: 8146513108_d56071c986_o.gif]


So sorry ur husband passed.
[Image: ?u=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.giphy.com%2Fmedia...f=1&nofb=1]
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#3
i feel you.
must be me right?  Cool

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#4
Hey.
Welcome to the forum. 🤗
I'm sorry to hear about your husband and your loneliness. It's so painful to be lonely. 
Are you able to do some volunteering or join some group that does something that you like to do? 
If you can do that, then why not try it. 
This is the time to see what you can do that you haven't gotten around to as well. 
Maybe you have a list of things you want to try, places to see, stuff to experience? 
Hope you have a nice day ❤
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#5
I have tried everything, have volunteered and joined many groups...I don't like demanding people...I have been so flexible and bent to other's wishes one too many times ...that seems to be all I meet...nothing good has come out of everything I have tried, including dating...
Thank you to those who welcomed me ...and answered me..I appreciate being acknowledged...
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#6
Sorry things have been tough.
[Image: ?u=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.giphy.com%2Fmedia...f=1&nofb=1]
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#7
(12-02-2019, 07:33 AM)Slick Wrote: Hello everyone..I am a very young 65 year old widow. I have been widowed for 9 years, my husband was dx at 51 and passed at 54..I was 57...I feel like I have been alone forever..I did so much for maybe 6-7 years after he passed. Now I am tired of being alone and doing everything I do alone...All my closest girlfriends have also passed away very young...and my only sibling is gone..I have tried clubs, volunteering, meeting new friends and being very flexible in doing what they wanted most of the time..I was happy to get out and have someone to talk to. I dated once, and he ended up to have some real issues....I have been ill for the past 9 months..and have been forced to spend at least 5-6 days a week, home alone with no one to talk to ..I feel as if the isolation has caught up with me....with the holidays coming all is worse...the past few years I have had people around , now I don't....and it's even lonelier...I have lost my middle daughter at 21 but I do have 2 grown daughters and grandkids...everyone has their own life and I am happy for that...BUT being alone all the time makes me not really want to even be with my kids on holidays...I just don't feel like talking to anyone after being alone so much.....I have no idea how to go on..I am from the Phila. suburbs.

Welcome, Slick!

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine how I'd continue living if my partner passed away, so the fact you've been living a healthy fulfilled life for years after your partner passed away is a testament to the true courage you possess! 

You say you have two grown daughters and grand kids, but they're fairly busy. Keep on asking your daughters and/or grand kids to go around their houses or ask them to come to yours every now and again. YES they may be busy, but NO ONE is so busy that they can't make time for a quick cup of tea/coffee with their Mum/Grandma, and they WILL start making time for you, especially if they know that you really want to see them.

Please, try to talk to anyone! Even though you really feel like you don't want to talk to people, I can talk from personal experience, it REALLY helps! Even if at first you don't want to talk to people, after a few sentences of dialogue, you will start to feel better about yourself, and you'll start to feel more 'connected' to your surrounding people!

Sorry my 'advice' is a bit basic, but it works as I've felt a similar loneliness (not down to widowhood, but just down to being so damn socially anxious). 

Wishing you the best!  Smile
Quote:What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. ~ Henry David Thoreau
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#8
hi i know how you feel , i have people phoning my and the od visit at the weekend but still have this lonly feeling i just cant shake ok........
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#9
Big Grin Just talked to my youngest daughter for about 2 hours..it was so nice...she knows and wishes she had more time...she does invite me to spend the night a lot....BUT ..I have been alone in my home for so long I feel safe here...I prefer sleeping at my house..but think it would be good to take her up on it a little more often....she has a 4 year old who is my dreamboat...we have a special relationship...I also have an older daughter who I have asked to go to happy hours with me...(I don't drink but she is recently divorced) never has time but goes out with her friends...I have asked for a movies night and overnight..never happens...she has two teens..17 and my grandson will be 20 on Sat...although they have their own lives the kids do make a real effort to reach out to me whether it's a call or a couple of quick texts....so my family is doing what they can, what they think they can, I could do movies and spend the night but my daughter has no interest really in doing anything with me...we talk on the phone once a week and email a quick hello , everyday....other then that if neither daughter is available I have no one to reach out to..

Good advise to talk to everyone...I do....I make conversation with strangers everywhere I go....doesn't help when I have no where to go for a week or 10 days and I am totally alone...

It's the worse when I don't sleep good , am up at 4 in the morning for weeks...it's a really long day...I love to walk, I can't seem to drag myself out to take a walk alone anymore...I had music, my headset broke, and then I had a man I walked with for 2 years with his little dog...so it's hard to walk alone now......

Thank you all for reaching out...
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#10
Slick, your life and story of loneliness is a common thread here and prevalent for too many of us all throughout the country.  You though, have already done well in engaging society in many ways for several years, keeping both busy and meeting many people.  Yet, it has not yielded the daily companionship you need.

I can relate in many ways, except that I lack the family you have.  And since retirement, I have found myself particularly alone nearly every day.  I travel the world full time and stay quite busy, but resist going out at times because I simply don't have the energy or desire to do so.  So what do I do and how do I cope with such loneliness?

I started studying Christian apologetics 25 years ago, but my extraordinary career and fun outdoor life of trips and adventures kept me from dedicating serious time and attention to it.  Retirement changed that, and I've transitioned to spend significant time each day reading articles, watching videos, praying, and being more active with my faith - specifically knowing and loving God more and showing love and kindness to others.  Each day has a definite purpose for me now and I've found that focusing on God and others helps me better tolerate, manage, or accept my own life's deficiencies.  This is no discovery of mine, since many other more productive Christians have followed this same path.  But, it's a perspective that I remind you of now since it seems relevant to your situation.

Spending more time each day with God may give you the strength you need to find peace and joy in your life despite the circumstances.  And with that, you may rekindle a desire to reach out to others and become more socially active again - even if it is you being the one who gives all and receives little.  Your effort will be noticed by the Lord and your reward established in heaven.

Although I don't have any great video for specifically defeating loneliness, I do have a recommendation that may give you support and encouragement during this difficult period of your life.   It's a short, interesting, entertaining sermon that's worth your time.    

https://youtu.be/GWK-zbsmNlw
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