Dreary Sunday

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Slick

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2019
Messages
80
Reaction score
29
Hello everyone..I am a very young 65 year old widow. I have been widowed for 9 years, my husband was dx at 51 and passed at 54..I was 57...I feel like I have been alone forever..I did so much for maybe 6-7 years after he passed. Now I am tired of being alone and doing everything I do alone...All my closest girlfriends have also passed away very young...and my only sibling is gone..I have tried clubs, volunteering, meeting new friends and being very flexible in doing what they wanted most of the time..I was happy to get out and have someone to talk to. I dated once, and he ended up to have some real issues....I have been ill for the past 9 months..and have been forced to spend at least 5-6 days a week, home alone with no one to talk to ..I feel as if the isolation has caught up with me....with the holidays coming all is worse...the past few years I have had people around , now I don't....and it's even lonelier...I have lost my middle daughter at 21 but I do have 2 grown daughters and grandkids...everyone has their own life and I am happy for that...BUT being alone all the time makes me not really want to even be with my kids on holidays...I just don't feel like talking to anyone after being alone so much.....I have no idea how to go on..I am from the Phila. suburbs.
 
8146513108_d56071c986_o.gif



So sorry ur husband passed.
 
Hey.
Welcome to the forum. 🤗
I'm sorry to hear about your husband and your loneliness. It's so painful to be lonely. 
Are you able to do some volunteering or join some group that does something that you like to do? 
If you can do that, then why not try it. 
This is the time to see what you can do that you haven't gotten around to as well. 
Maybe you have a list of things you want to try, places to see, stuff to experience? 
Hope you have a nice day ❤
 
I have tried everything, have volunteered and joined many groups...I don't like demanding people...I have been so flexible and bent to other's wishes one too many times ...that seems to be all I meet...nothing good has come out of everything I have tried, including dating...
Thank you to those who welcomed me ...and answered me..I appreciate being acknowledged...
 
Slick said:
Hello everyone..I am a very young 65 year old widow. I have been widowed for 9 years, my husband was dx at 51 and passed at 54..I was 57...I feel like I have been alone forever..I did so much for maybe 6-7 years after he passed. Now I am tired of being alone and doing everything I do alone...All my closest girlfriends have also passed away very young...and my only sibling is gone..I have tried clubs, volunteering, meeting new friends and being very flexible in doing what they wanted most of the time..I was happy to get out and have someone to talk to. I dated once, and he ended up to have some real issues....I have been ill for the past 9 months..and have been forced to spend at least 5-6 days a week, home alone with no one to talk to ..I feel as if the isolation has caught up with me....with the holidays coming all is worse...the past few years I have had people around , now I don't....and it's even lonelier...I have lost my middle daughter at 21 but I do have 2 grown daughters and grandkids...everyone has their own life and I am happy for that...BUT being alone all the time makes me not really want to even be with my kids on holidays...I just don't feel like talking to anyone after being alone so much.....I have no idea how to go on..I am from the Phila. suburbs.

Welcome, Slick!

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine how I'd continue living if my partner passed away, so the fact you've been living a healthy fulfilled life for years after your partner passed away is a testament to the true courage you possess! 

You say you have two grown daughters and grand kids, but they're fairly busy. Keep on asking your daughters and/or grand kids to go around their houses or ask them to come to yours every now and again. YES they may be busy, but NO ONE is so busy that they can't make time for a quick cup of tea/coffee with their Mum/Grandma, and they WILL start making time for you, especially if they know that you really want to see them.

Please, try to talk to anyone! Even though you really feel like you don't want to talk to people, I can talk from personal experience, it REALLY helps! Even if at first you don't want to talk to people, after a few sentences of dialogue, you will start to feel better about yourself, and you'll start to feel more 'connected' to your surrounding people!

Sorry my 'advice' is a bit basic, but it works as I've felt a similar loneliness (not down to widowhood, but just down to being so **** socially anxious). 

Wishing you the best!  :)
 
hi i know how you feel , i have people phoning my and the od visit at the weekend but still have this lonly feeling i just cant shake ok........
 
:D Just talked to my youngest daughter for about 2 hours..it was so nice...she knows and wishes she had more time...she does invite me to spend the night a lot....BUT ..I have been alone in my home for so long I feel safe here...I prefer sleeping at my house..but think it would be good to take her up on it a little more often....she has a 4 year old who is my dreamboat...we have a special relationship...I also have an older daughter who I have asked to go to happy hours with me...(I don't drink but she is recently divorced) never has time but goes out with her friends...I have asked for a movies night and overnight..never happens...she has two teens..17 and my grandson will be 20 on Sat...although they have their own lives the kids do make a real effort to reach out to me whether it's a call or a couple of quick texts....so my family is doing what they can, what they think they can, I could do movies and spend the night but my daughter has no interest really in doing anything with me...we talk on the phone once a week and email a quick hello , everyday....other then that if neither daughter is available I have no one to reach out to..

Good advise to talk to everyone...I do....I make conversation with strangers everywhere I go....doesn't help when I have no where to go for a week or 10 days and I am totally alone...

It's the worse when I don't sleep good , am up at 4 in the morning for weeks...it's a really long day...I love to walk, I can't seem to drag myself out to take a walk alone anymore...I had music, my headset broke, and then I had a man I walked with for 2 years with his little dog...so it's hard to walk alone now......

Thank you all for reaching out...
 
Slick, your life and story of loneliness is a common thread here and prevalent for too many of us all throughout the country.  You though, have already done well in engaging society in many ways for several years, keeping both busy and meeting many people.  Yet, it has not yielded the daily companionship you need.

I can relate in many ways, except that I lack the family you have.  And since retirement, I have found myself particularly alone nearly every day.  I travel the world full time and stay quite busy, but resist going out at times because I simply don't have the energy or desire to do so.  So what do I do and how do I cope with such loneliness?

I started studying Christian apologetics 25 years ago, but my extraordinary career and fun outdoor life of trips and adventures kept me from dedicating serious time and attention to it.  Retirement changed that, and I've transitioned to spend significant time each day reading articles, watching videos, praying, and being more active with my faith - specifically knowing and loving God more and showing love and kindness to others.  Each day has a definite purpose for me now and I've found that focusing on God and others helps me better tolerate, manage, or accept my own life's deficiencies.  This is no discovery of mine, since many other more productive Christians have followed this same path.  But, it's a perspective that I remind you of now since it seems relevant to your situation.

Spending more time each day with God may give you the strength you need to find peace and joy in your life despite the circumstances.  And with that, you may rekindle a desire to reach out to others and become more socially active again - even if it is you being the one who gives all and receives little.  Your effort will be noticed by the Lord and your reward established in heaven.

Although I don't have any great video for specifically defeating loneliness, I do have a recommendation that may give you support and encouragement during this difficult period of your life.   It's a short, interesting, entertaining sermon that's worth your time.    

 
Thank you Sir Joseph for the link..I not only learned from it...but saved it..I am so grateful everyday for my children and grandchildren....I have lost one daughter, my husband , only sister, 3 closest friends from childhood....both parents and in-laws...and am not retired due to injuries and PTSD. I still smile, am at peace, and a calm person. Jesus has never left me or I wouldn;t be writing to you right now...I know there are Churches that have different potluck dinners and events where the congregation all get together after a service...I can't find any in my area...I pray more then once a day....as I am alone at least 6 days a week...so it is Jesus and me....I thank you again for your words and the link...my faith for my life to move alone in the right direction is here....as you know there are times that it gets harder then others...and just a friendly exchange of life's ideas even with a stranger takes the edge of...God bless you.
 
Wow Slick, you gave me the nicest, best response I've ever received from anyone on this site.  In fact your encouraging words made my Sunday brighter thank you.  I'm used to interacting far more with antagonistic Atheists than loving believers both online and in my worldly travels.  Coming upon a fellow believer seems like a rare privilege and treat to me.
 
I'm so pleased to hear that you're a solid Christian and that you appreciated my video.  We both know that being close to God and having a personal relationship with Jesus doesn't prevent or solve all of our worldly problems - and you've certainly had your share.  But, I'm pleased and impressed that you've got your head, heart and life's values on the right path for helping you cope with the challenges.

I work on projects that consume many hours of my time, which helps me to manage my own life's deficiencies in love, family and companionship.  It took me over 10 years to develop a music mix, going through about 50 years and thousands of songs in order to ween out my few favorites that I still hold on to.  I didn't get to the Christian genre til last year, and going through 20 years worth of most of those hits and albums only produced 30 songs I like. You may already know them if you've listened to such music more than me.  But, if not, then I'd like to share 2 of my favorites with you.  They might add a few minutes of distracting thought or joy in your days at home.

[size=small]

[size=small]
 
Thank you for the songs...they're both wonderful...I am very surprised you aren't many Christians on here..how do you get through life and loneliness without Jesus....with how my life has been I would have never made it ..and am happy He is in my heart...I find the world isn;t a very nice place anymore...I don't know how old you are but people are nothing like they were when I was a kid and raising my kids....we all need help coping if we want to be happy, at peace and be able to keep smiling....Have a wonderful rest of your day...
 
Slick, I agree with your points and will add more here on this Sunday before Christmas (in Thailand).

I'd say that over half of my personal friends are Atheists or Agnostics and probably three quarters of the people I contact or meet in daily life or on websites are too.  It's sad to see them struggle through life on their own misguided paths.  And so often, I see messed up lives that don't need to be, and probably wouldn't be, if they had their beliefs and values steered right.  Like you though, my close relationship with the Lord has helped me better manage life's problems and deficiencies - especially loneliness, which plagues much of society these days. 

Our increased perception of the world's faults and problems is an inevitable tendency as we grow older, smarter, and more experienced with bad people and bad incidents.  I think that's exasperated though by the decline of America's Christian heritage and certain cultural values that have occured within our own life times.  Consider, for almost 300 years children were encouraged in Christian beliefs and values for hours a day in school from the Bible and other religious textbooks now banned.  They were taught that they were special creations made in the image of God, that they had moral responsibilities, and that there was a judgment day they'd face.  Love and respect for God and others was a repeated theme, and it no doubt had a behavioral influence on the learned generations of American citizens. Now, they're taught that they are mere animals produced through accidental evolutionary processes and subject to no objective morality or religious truths - and certainly no day of pending judgement coming to encourage one's own accountability in life.  It's not surprising that we have churned out new generations of unbelieving, disrespectful, immoral, irresponsible, confused people since the mid 1900's.  Unfortuantely, the secular trend is only gaining ground, so the results will only worsen.  

As I become more active with my faith, care more about what's going on in the world, and perceive the many negatives, I continue to counter that with a frequent dose of nature.  Getting outside and experiencing a bit of nature every day is definately a good prescription for improving one's emotional attitude and life.  And making trips to the most scenic places that exist throughout the world still allows me to recognize the incredible beauty that God blessed us with in this creation.  In short, it is a beautiful world, even if there's a lot of messed up people and activities within it.  We each need to see and appreciate the beauty and not let the daily news or real problems jade our hearts too much.

Now, for you and any others here, I offer 3 more songs related to this topic that have great tunes and meaningful words - an uplifting Christmas song for the season, a simple country song with a messsage on point, and a wonderful Christian song worth enjoying several times.  With 3 differing options, I predict at least one of them will become a favorite of your own worth keeping and sharing.





 

Latest posts

Back
Top