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Brief moments of heightened mood, then returning to a low mood...
#1
Hello everyone

I've been feeling really down for the last few weeks (just constantly feeling crappy based on how my life is going compared to everyone else), so my general mood has been very low. 

Does anyone else have brief moments (maybe one, two second moments) during a day when for whatever reason you, all of a sudden, feel really content about your life/mood, and then you instantly return to a lower mood? It's happened a few times during the last few days, and it's really odd. Whenever I realise it's happening, it's over before I can even understand what happened!
Quote:What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. ~ Henry David Thoreau
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#2
the abuses from my narcissists in my life will never gone in my mind but i managed to control my memories about them nowadays i tried not to remember about them or have a talk or have anything that triggers me about them.

in any mood, i should control my anger, i feel my anger but i don't want to shout it out it really not worth it after really. i'm avoiding arguing, i said what it meant to be said, i am grateful for what i am now.


i like relaxing, i made a textile word art it's written RELAXING DAY because i need to relax because i am too tired, that wall art is a reminder that's help. i do what i like as a therapy such sewing, craft stuff, watch motivational videos.

what's best is i pray, faith is important role in my life.
must be me right?  Cool

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#3
I've had this for a little over a couple years now. I know the exact moment when I suddenly felt a numb emptiness inside, as if all the beauty in my life was a candle that was blown out. From time to time it seems as if that candle is being lit again; but, it never fully takes a light. I've had times where it lasts more than a moment; but, I feel as though the person I used to be is gone.

I can still laugh, enjoy food, and things; but, rarely can I enjoy music. Music used to be everything to me. I wish I knew how to feel hopeful again, and have a beautiful view of the world. No matter how bad things got, there was always this sense of wonderous beauty in the world; and that, in their own way, even the ugliness of this world had it's own beauty. I've held this view, sense, and understanding of the world all my life, and it was always the one thing that gave color to life. It's the one thing I've always held inside of me that made me want to share it with others and especially a SO/partner.

I tried explaining this to a therapist and her response was basically, this is the new me and I should accept it. I can't accept this. Maybe I failed to properly convey in words my mindstate to her, or she just didn't understand; but, I can't accept it. I can't accept it the way some one who has had their freedom taken away from them can't accept it. You don't accept something like that. Perhaps for the moment you have no choice but too accept the situation; but, you know if life is worth anything, it's to be lived free.

So, I get glimpses, of how things were before; but, mostly I am empty, in pain, tired or exhausted, angry, etc..

But, I remember the way a Sitar used to sound in a classical hindustani song. I remember the way a sweet voice in a song can feel like being rocked in my mothers arms as a child. I remember what it feels like to be overcome with the most delightful melancholy, the way perhaps a snowy days chill, perks up the senses, and bring a sense of wonder to the winter-land, despite the harsh biting cold of reality.

I suppose as long as I can remember, that's okay. I spent most of my life, if not, all my life with that inner-flame inside of me; which now, feels blown out. I guess it leaves me grateful for the time it has been there, and I long for it to return; but, I'm scared too, because I don't think it will come back. I don't believe it/me will come back. And if it was a matter of only being lost, I have no idea how to find my way out of this.

I want to write to people again. I want to talk to people again. I want to truly connect with people again. I want to feel again. I want there to be a story to my life, such that, the pages can get turned, instead of being stuck. I want to to know kindness from others and do kindness for others. I want to feel for others. I want my old self back..

Yes, I get glimpses. Some are for the moment. Some have lasted several hours, of sort of feeling like myself again. And I suppose I have even had moments of beauty; but, they always feel a bit muffled, blurry, or watered down like light coming in through the window, rather than fresh sunlight on my face outdoors... And then things return to the way I feel now.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard inner battle."
-Namu Amida Butsu
--Hippo Sad
---May your jimmies be forever unrustled...
----"At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice." -Maya Angelou
-----"Lack of personal justice does not excuse one's own ignorance.  Do not be blinded by the wrongs done to you, lest you stumble and wrong others."
------"...There's jazz going on..." -Alan Watts
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#4
(12-03-2019, 07:26 PM)TropicalStarfish Wrote: I've had this for a little over a couple years now.  I know the exact moment when I suddenly felt a numb emptiness inside, as if all the beauty in my life was a candle that was blown out.  From time to time it seems as if that candle is being lit again; but, it never fully takes a light.  I've had times where it lasts more than a moment; but, I feel as though the person I used to be is gone.

I can still laugh, enjoy food, and things; but, rarely can I enjoy music.  Music used to be everything to me.  I wish I knew how to feel hopeful again, and have a beautiful view of the world.  No matter how bad things got, there was always this sense of wonderous beauty in the world; and that, in their own way, even the ugliness of this world had it's own beauty.  I've held this view, sense, and understanding of the world all my life, and it was always the one thing that gave color to life.  It's the one thing I've always held inside of me that made me want to share it with others and especially a SO/partner.

I tried explaining this to a therapist and her response was basically, this is the new me and I should accept it.  I can't accept this.  Maybe I failed to properly convey in words my mindstate to her, or she just didn't understand; but, I can't accept it.  I can't accept it the way some one who has had their freedom taken away from them can't accept it.  You don't accept something like that.  Perhaps for the moment you have no choice but too accept the situation; but, you know if life is worth anything, it's to be lived free.

(1) So, I get glimpses, of how things were before; but, mostly I am empty, in pain, tired or exhausted, angry, etc..

But, I remember the way a Sitar used to sound in a classical hindustani song.  I remember the way a sweet voice in a song can feel like being rocked in my mothers arms as a child.  I remember what it feels like to be overcome with the most delightful melancholy, the way perhaps a snowy days chill, perks up the senses, and bring a sense of wonder to the winter-land, despite the harsh biting cold of reality.

I suppose as long as I can remember, that's okay.  I spent most of my life, if not, all my life with that inner-flame inside of me; which now, feels blown out.  I guess it leaves me grateful for the time it has been there, and I long for it to return; but, I'm scared too, because I don't think it will come back. 2) I don't believe it/me will come back.  And if it was a matter of only being lost, I have no idea how to find my way out of this.

3) I want to write to people again.  I want to talk to people again.  I want to truly connect with people again.  I want to feel again.  I want there to be a story to my life, such that, the pages can get turned, instead of being stuck.  I want to to know kindness from others and do kindness for others.  I want to feel for others.  I want my old self back..

Yes, I get glimpses.  Some are for the moment.  Some have lasted several hours, of sort of feeling like myself again.  And I suppose I have even had moments of beauty; but, they always feel a bit muffled, blurry, or watered down like light coming in through the window, rather than fresh sunlight on my face outdoors...  And then things return to the way I feel now.

1) Yes, I feel the same unfortunately. Such pain lingers internally... 

2) It feels so terrible. Feels like you're alone, even when you're standing/sitting in the biggest crowd. Argh.

3) Yeah it feels like we're in a world where those things should be easier than ever, but, at the same time, it feels almost impossible to do without either turning people away, or just flat out scaring people who thing you're messed up.

Thanks for sharing your story, It must have been difficult, but it's helped me put my life in perspective, and maybe, this small forum on the internet, will allow us all to discuss issues like this with each other without judgement.
Quote:What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. ~ Henry David Thoreau
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