Crazy artist in need of change

I need an outsider to look at my crazy life.

I was once married and had 2 kids, 1 has special needs.  About 10 years ago there was a car accident with a drunk driver that killed my wife and one of my kids.  Afterwords my mom moved in with my and my special needs daughter.  I kept working as a pottery professor full time, stopped making pottery in my spare time, and started writing books.

The next year I bought a dual use building and renovated into a home, studio, and show room.  My mom moved with us and for the last 8 years I only work at the collage 3 days a week (about18 hours).  I work at work at my home studio 3 days a week (about 21 hours).  By 1:45 pm every day (unless I'm kiln firing the gas kiln) I'm in the shower and spend the rest of the day with my mom and daughter.  There are times that I will work on a book or there is a studio showing in the afternoon, but dose not happen that often.

My mom more or less works as my personal assistant.  She ships all of my book sales and deals with most of my studio showings / sales.

For about the last year I have not been happy with my life, but at the same time I'm not able to identify what it is.  I just need a change of some sort.  I have 3 semesters left on my collage contract and if I want to stay I will need to sing a 2 to 5 year contract in the next 2 months.  Dating with a special needs daughter is rather difficult as I feel that were a package deal.  Last year my books and studio made made $80,000 after taxes / payroll.

I'm not truly in dept, but every few years I make a large purchase and get a 2 year loan.  Right now I'm paying off a van.  3 years ago I got a new car.  I have been dreaming of a second gas kiln so I can make larger work.  If i stopped working I have about 5 years worth of savings I could live off of.

Over the last 9 months I have seen 2 different therapist.  They did not helped much.  They both confirmed that I'm a crazy, disheveled, artist, but I have known that for about 30 years.  I stopped seeing the first one once she did some research on me and brought up arts background / training.

What life changes are meaningful?
What brings out the spark in life?

i'm sorry to read your life situation, you a good father and a good son.
pottery certainly is a great art work.

i'd like to think my self as an artist too especially fabrics and textile, all sewing.

for me God is my comforter in life.
what brings out the spark in life is hope.

I think that the first thing you need to do is find out what is missing in your life.
Only then can you find what brings you that spark. 
What gives meaning or a spark is something different in everyone.
I’m sorry that you are feeling down. Sucks to be in that situation.

Glad you are here though!
Haven’t seen you around before so I’ll say welcome.

The things that put spark into my life...
Opening my kiln to see the work I made over the last month of work.
Laying around for hours at a time listening to music and playing with my daughter.
The moment when your teaching someone something and the light clicks and they get it.

I was talking to my mom about this again tonight and she thinks we need to take a trip south and visit some of the potters that worked worked with my dad and grandpa.

Then saving up to get that kiln thingy for your pottery work seems like a great idea. 
Go for it! 
We all should do those things that pleases us.
Makes life worth it.

I've been laying around most of the daybjudt listening to music so I get that love for sure. 
Today I only had 1 song on repeat.
It's nice when you find a song that resonates with what you are and feel.

Today at 2:00 after my shower my daughter decided It was movie night. I got to work on a book as I watched 2 movies, cooked a great meal, and watched 2 more movies. I ended up getting a lot of computer work done.

Potter, it sounds to me like you've handled the past crisis pretty well and your current life is reasonably pleasant and productive.  Maybe you're a bit bored, unsatisfied, or uncertain with your current path, but I don't perceive a depressing or hopeless situation.

I'll leave it to you to decide the short term, temporary tweaks to make in your life, be it work projects, new purchases, or a badly needed trip.  To find true peace, joy and satisfaction with your self and your life though will require a more serious, long term assessment of what your purpose in this world is.

As a Christian, may I suggest that our entire purpose in this world is to know and love the God that created us and to love others as Jesus demonstrated towards us.  If you're not spending time and effort towards this goal each day, then you're missing something immeasurably valuable in your life.  This is the truth that will fill your heart in a more permanent, satisfying fashion than any of the typical worldly interests that tend to consume us.

I commend you with the time and devotion you spend on your family.  Since you're seeking answers, seem receptive to outside counsel, and have many afternoons free to spend with your daughter, I have a video to suggest.  It's a serious sermon, but a good one that you both may appreciate.

potter said:

The things that put spark into my life...
Opening my kiln to see the work I made over the last month of work.
Laying around for hours at a time listening to music and playing with my daughter.
The moment when your teaching someone something and the light clicks and they get it.

I was talking to my mom about this again tonight and she thinks we need to take a trip south and visit some of the potters that worked worked with my dad and grandpa.

Click to expand...

That trip sounds like a good idea.

I watched part of that video. I'm not very religious and could only watch so much. There were some good pints.

I sent out a bunch of emails the other night and found some of the old timer potters my dad worked with. I also Found a few my age still working in pottery. I hope to make a trip down to hang out with them in the next month or so. If nothing else it will remind me where my roots came from. I think my mom wants to take the trip more than me at this point.

Got a sweet job making 20 custom bonsai pots today. It'll give me something fun to do this week.
I forgot that my first class Monday is production pottery and didn't practice for it. Most times when I teach production I do 2 or 3 coffee cups and then get blindfolded and do the next 15. My second class on Monday starts off in the class room on clay chemistry. I hate class room work...

Fair enough Potter; good of you to give the sermon a try.  I understand you're seeking immediate action that'll improve your worldy satisfaction with life.  I wish you well in finding that.

If the trips and work don't satisfy your heart and mind in the years ahead, you may find yourself still seeking "something."  I offer another short, entertaining video that may not interest you now, but it's a good one to mark on your watch later YouTube list.  It concerns the meaning of life that King Soloman pondered in his old age - something that we should all do.  

I'm not truly looking for something immediate, but feel like a need a change. The important thing is that I'm still happy in life. X-mas week I'm headed off on a road trip to see old friends, but I think everyone needs to do that every few years. I have looked at so many new kilns over the last week I think I'm going to order one first of the year.

So far he is Ok to listen to. I'll book mark it. Thank you