It gets better when you turn 30

It was a Friday night, Summer of 2002. I was telling to myself: “It will get better when I get older”. What did it have to get better?

My anxiety used to start hitting my chest by Tuesday evening. I could tolerate Mondays: breakfast, college, quickly nap, study, dinner and sleep. The thoughts of being alone on a Friday night when everybody had plans to get together made me feel the most miserable guys on earth.

Does it change when you hit the 30’s.. I guess that for some people out there it does (or perhaps it never had to change) but I will be 36 in 3 weeks and IT STILL CONTINUES THE SAME!

What is it worse?
Being alone on a Friday night.
Torture yourself trying to think of a plan to avoid this situation.
The shame when someone @work asks.. many plans for the weekend? 

This is my first post EVER and I do not know why, but thinking about being alone again this Fridays has a funny flavour...

Tell me people... does it get better when you hit your 30s? 


Thanks for reading. Just trying to connect.
,)

i used to hit the book store, malls alone with my bike.
i get married at 30 have ups and downs, get rid toxic people it gets better and better now, knowledge is power. narc free.

It only gets better when you let it. Doesn't matter how old you are, it matters what you do to change it.

lookatbrightside said:

i used to hit the book store, malls alone with my bike.
i get married at 30 have ups and downs, get rid toxic people it gets better and better now, knowledge is power. narc free.

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lookatbrightside, I go to the book store quite a lot too, despite I do not really read that much.. Bike is a good ally too, time flies.
Obviously having a partner helps. You have someone to take care of, to laugh, to fight...
Thanks for your comments!

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TheRealCallie said:

It only gets better when you let it.  Doesn't matter how old you are, it matters what you do to change it.

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TheRealCallie, I agree 100%. Age is only a number. ,)

I'm 46 and I'm still hoping it gets better when I hit my 30's.

I used to think the same thing really. When I was 15 I would tell myself that things would get better once I finished high school and could get away from all the bullying. It didn’t. Then I told myself at 18 it would get better when I had finished University. It didn’t. When I was 23 I told myself it would get better when I had a job. It didn’t ....

Despite what anyone says, sometimes we don’t have all that much control over what makes us anxious, or depressed. I wish I could switch loneliness off like a light switch, like some people on here seem to think everyone can do. But I can’t. No group, or hobby, fills that void where I just want someone to share things with. No. Not make me happy, but be part of the path that I can follow to get there ....

I am 32, and it never got better for me, but I suppose now I don’t care any longer. I’m waiting on God and have resigned from this world, its expectations, my expectations for my life.

The only thing I look forward to is escaping this matrix.

TheRealCallie said:

It only gets better when you let it.  Doesn't matter how old you are, it matters what you do to change it.

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Yep got to  agree here.Didn't get better in my thirties or forties because I was so blinkered and lacking ideas on how to change.Wish I had more knowledge , forums like this to help but it's not too late it's getting better now.

TheRealCallie said:

It only gets better when you let it.  Doesn't matter how old you are, it matters what you do to change it.

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And sometimes trying to change it doesn’t make it better, even when you follow all the advice AND try to have an open and positive mindset. 

And sometimes focusing on other things, hoping and waiting for that “one day when you least expect it”, doesn’t make it better either. 

Not everyone has the same experiences, and not everything works out the same for everyone.

Cucuboth said:

TheRealCallie said:

It only gets better when you let it.  Doesn't matter how old you are, it matters what you do to change it.

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And sometimes trying to change it doesn’t make it better, even when you follow all the advice AND try to have an open and positive mindset. 

And sometimes focusing on other things, hoping and waiting for that “one day when you least expect it”, doesn’t make it better either. 

Not everyone has the same experiences, and not everything works out the same for everyone.

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Yeah, see, I don't believe that.  It's just that you haven't found what will work for you yet.  You haven't found the....motivation/drive/determination/whatever word I'm looking for that I can't seem to find right now....to get you out of whatever is troubling you. 

Of course not everyone has the same experiences and what works for someone may not work for anyone else.  The trick is sorting through all the advice and whatnot to find what will work for you.  And sometimes that requires trying a million and 50 things before you find that one that will work for you. 

I also believe that sometimes people don't put in as much effort as they could be.  Now, don't get me wrong and don't attack me here.  I'm not saying you aren't trying.  I'm saying you (generalized you, of course) may not even be aware that you are just half assing it.  Because of the state of mind you have, because of the fear of the unknown, because of whatever reason, you aren't ready to let go of what is holding you back.  I have found that it is usually due to fear.  The fear of changing and nothing actually changing.  The fear of still being miserable. 
When I was in my deep depression and alone and miserable, I honestly thought I was trying EVERYTHING I could to change it.  Hindsight tells me I wasn't.  It was just a pitiful attempt so I could tell myself (and anyone who would listen) that I TRIED. 

And now I hear children waking up, so I am out of here. lol