This Is Christmas

[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It is a week until Christmas Day. 
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]I can't remember the last Christmas that actually felt like it was something to look forward to. Something to enjoy. Even as a kid, Christmas was always a lesson in disappointment, more a reminder that I wasn't wanted. It is not even about presents any more. Not about material objects. All I want is someone to spend time with. Have a lunch or dinner with. Even get a coffee with. See a movie with. But .... [/font]
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]As far as I know, this is going to be another Christmas alone. I haven't heard anything from my family. Haven't talked to any of them for so long. Last week was my nephews birthday, but I didn't hear anything if there was going to be a party. My texts and phone calls went unanswered. So I sent him a birthday card, but, I don't know if he even got it. 
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Yes. I know there are community and charity Christmas lunches. I have been to them before, both to have lunch, and as a volunteer. My experiences at them have not been good. Not the places I would go to, to feel any less lonely. [/font]
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]I know people will say that I should get myself a Christmas present. Do something nice for myself. But, I can't really think of anything I want. Nothing material. Anything I want, needs someone else to be involved. Like Insaid before, to have lunch with someone, or dinner. Go to a movie, or get a coffee. The touch deprivation is very bad right now, so, a hug. A hand to hold. A kiss. Those things would mean so much more than any object would. 

Often, when I go to the shops at this time of year, I will see so much, so many things I would get as a present if a had a girlfriend, if I had a partner. But there isn't. I've never had someone special to buy a Christmas present for. 
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]But, being told "maybe next year", will be as close as I will get. And how many years have I heard that? This will be about the 30th year in a row that I will have to wait for "maybe next year". There is really only so many times you can hear that, before it becomes meaningless. Well, maybe not meaningless, but they are words that form a solitary confinement cell, words that just mean that nobody wants to. Words that hurt. Like the other gift I get at Christmas. Silence. 
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It is one week until Christmas Day. And this is Christmas again. [/font]

My friend, why haven't you asked for a Christmas card? I posted a thread and offered to send cards to anyone, including you. It's not too late.

-Teresa

Hi Cucuboth,

I spent many years doing the single thing at Christmas. I managed to find a singles group at a nearby church. They would usually have pot-lucks on the Holidays. I found that to be a good place to engage in meaningful conversation and even sing a few songs together. I found the group on meetup.com. There are lots of other groups on meetup.com - depending on your interests.

Church is often a good place to catch an uplifting message and sing with others. Many times there is some fellowship time - and possible meal time as well.

Prayers that you find a group that is right for you - or start your own group.

catch_the_music said:

Hi Cucuboth,

I spent many years doing the single thing at Christmas.  I managed to find a singles group at a nearby church.  They would usually have pot-lucks on the Holidays.  I found that to be a good place to engage in meaningful conversation and even sing a few songs together.  I found the group on meetup.com.  There are lots of other groups on meetup.com - depending on your interests.      

Church is often a good place to catch an uplifting message and sing with others.  Many times there is some fellowship time - and possible meal time as well.  

Prayers that you find a group that is right for you - or start your own group.

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Have tried going to churches, even though I am in no way religious at all, and found them not very good places. Not for me anyway. Have tried other community and charity groups, especially Christmas lunches, but likewise, found them not very nice places, even when I volunteered at them. 

Yes, have tried meetup.com, but there are not many groups in my area, and those that are are mostly mothers groups or for people much older than me. I don’t want to just be around people for the sake of being around people. That makes me feel even more lonely really. And yes, I tried starting my own groups too, but never got any responses of interest. From my experiences, meetup.com is not as good as people say ... but then, maybe if you live in a more populated area, or maybe it is just not popular here in Australia. 

But yeah, churches and religion are not my thing thanks.

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SofiasMami said:

My friend, why haven't you asked for a Christmas card? I posted a thread and offered to send cards to anyone, including you. It's not too late.

-Teresa

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Thanks for the offer, but, nah. A card from someone I don’t know just feels ....

Cucuboth, there are millions of others who share your extreme loneliness at Christmas time and the combination of having a dysfunctional or uncaring family AND being single is understandably depressing and tough.  I know, because I've been in that boat all of my life and still am.
 
I make considerable effort to reach out to all of my friends and family with letters and calls.  And though it's unfair and disheartening that they don't do the same for me, I get satisfaction from the responding social interaction. If you're not being the assertive one to write or call all of your relationships this time of year, then you're not trying hard enough to address the problem.  I understand that such interaction won't replace a loving mate to share the occasion with, but it is a great diversion and good purpose for spending time.  It's a way of showing love, and you can't go wrong doing that, especially this time of year.

You've done well to try so many activities and interactive events.  It's too bad they haven't helped, since I do think that engaging other people is a good, unselfish goal.  I understand though that just being around people doesn't negate true loneliness.  Like me, you need a mate to share the occasion with. So, what's a single in our shoes to do to survive the Christmas season?

Like most problems in life, I believe that focusing on God and others rather than ourselves is the formula for peace and joy.  Maybe you should reconsider your outright rejection of religious answers.  In my case, I have focused on Jesus as the reason for the season, and this has led me to enjoy and appreciate the occasion - despite my loneliness.  It's a shame to struggle through the Christmas season every year because you choose to neglect the celebratory reasons for it.  I'd suggest that you have choices to make that can overcome your circumstances.  You'd do well to have Jesus in your life rather than go it alone.