[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It is a week until Christmas Day.
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]I can't remember the last Christmas that actually felt like it was something to look forward to. Something to enjoy. Even as a kid, Christmas was always a lesson in disappointment, more a reminder that I wasn't wanted. It is not even about presents any more. Not about material objects. All I want is someone to spend time with. Have a lunch or dinner with. Even get a coffee with. See a movie with. But .... [/font]
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]As far as I know, this is going to be another Christmas alone. I haven't heard anything from my family. Haven't talked to any of them for so long. Last week was my nephews birthday, but I didn't hear anything if there was going to be a party. My texts and phone calls went unanswered. So I sent him a birthday card, but, I don't know if he even got it.
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Yes. I know there are community and charity Christmas lunches. I have been to them before, both to have lunch, and as a volunteer. My experiences at them have not been good. Not the places I would go to, to feel any less lonely. [/font]
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]I know people will say that I should get myself a Christmas present. Do something nice for myself. But, I can't really think of anything I want. Nothing material. Anything I want, needs someone else to be involved. Like Insaid before, to have lunch with someone, or dinner. Go to a movie, or get a coffee. The touch deprivation is very bad right now, so, a hug. A hand to hold. A kiss. Those things would mean so much more than any object would.
Often, when I go to the shops at this time of year, I will see so much, so many things I would get as a present if a had a girlfriend, if I had a partner. But there isn't. I've never had someone special to buy a Christmas present for.
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]But, being told "maybe next year", will be as close as I will get. And how many years have I heard that? This will be about the 30th year in a row that I will have to wait for "maybe next year". There is really only so many times you can hear that, before it becomes meaningless. Well, maybe not meaningless, but they are words that form a solitary confinement cell, words that just mean that nobody wants to. Words that hurt. Like the other gift I get at Christmas. Silence.
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It is one week until Christmas Day. And this is Christmas again. [/font]
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]I can't remember the last Christmas that actually felt like it was something to look forward to. Something to enjoy. Even as a kid, Christmas was always a lesson in disappointment, more a reminder that I wasn't wanted. It is not even about presents any more. Not about material objects. All I want is someone to spend time with. Have a lunch or dinner with. Even get a coffee with. See a movie with. But .... [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif] [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]As far as I know, this is going to be another Christmas alone. I haven't heard anything from my family. Haven't talked to any of them for so long. Last week was my nephews birthday, but I didn't hear anything if there was going to be a party. My texts and phone calls went unanswered. So I sent him a birthday card, but, I don't know if he even got it.
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Yes. I know there are community and charity Christmas lunches. I have been to them before, both to have lunch, and as a volunteer. My experiences at them have not been good. Not the places I would go to, to feel any less lonely. [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif] [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]I know people will say that I should get myself a Christmas present. Do something nice for myself. But, I can't really think of anything I want. Nothing material. Anything I want, needs someone else to be involved. Like Insaid before, to have lunch with someone, or dinner. Go to a movie, or get a coffee. The touch deprivation is very bad right now, so, a hug. A hand to hold. A kiss. Those things would mean so much more than any object would.
Often, when I go to the shops at this time of year, I will see so much, so many things I would get as a present if a had a girlfriend, if I had a partner. But there isn't. I've never had someone special to buy a Christmas present for.
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]But, being told "maybe next year", will be as close as I will get. And how many years have I heard that? This will be about the 30th year in a row that I will have to wait for "maybe next year". There is really only so many times you can hear that, before it becomes meaningless. Well, maybe not meaningless, but they are words that form a solitary confinement cell, words that just mean that nobody wants to. Words that hurt. Like the other gift I get at Christmas. Silence.
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[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It is one week until Christmas Day. And this is Christmas again. [/font]