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It went too far this time...
#1
Recently I made a post about this. 

https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=40527


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So this happened last week and I had a chance to look back. 

This has gone too far. I have made several people cry. I am not a good person. If I look at myself from a 3rd person's view. I have become a heartless person. Not even a heart made of stone. And that's not a feeling of pride or superiority. 

The real problem is, I don't feel guilty, or as much guilty about it. And it maybe a bad sign for the future.

ABOUT THE INCIDENT:

She sends me a message. Shocking. The two opposite ends of the spectrum, us to. She was that girl who stole the hearts of most of the guys in school. Many used to dream about being with her. But many couldn't even dream that. 
She was beautiful, charming, and I would say, she was perfect. And I don't like using that word on anyone but in this case...!!

We were in the same class but never interacted much because
1. I was the typical incel, beta guy. (Refer to my earliest posts)
2. She had endless options. I was invisible to her. She was a goddess to many of the 'alpha' guys and they would keep trying to become their partner. She used to avoid me as well.
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I wasn't pleased by her message. No ego boost. I have moved on. 
I replied, 'hi'. 
We started talking. I only continued because I wanted to find out her intentions.

After she has done her bullshitting ritual to get me to believe that everything was always normal, I straightforward asked her, "What do you want? What brings you here?"

She went something like this: "I know how you feel. I am sorry that I have ignored you all the time. I am sorry. Let's give this a new start."


BAZINGA!! She did it knowingly. Caught red handed now!! I am ready to destroy her now.

I asked her, "But I am the same person. The only thing that has changed is my career, my status." (She doesn't know that I quit my job). 

Since my job, my status had changed. Everyone respected me. 

She said, "No. You're completely changed now. You are a successful man. You have proved that you're a...... bla bla bla"

---------------------------------------
At this point, I was enraged. 
So I started talking harshly. I wanted to make her cry. I was being rude. 

But I successfully made her cry, and then asked her a question, only to knowingly block her while she's typing so that she'll be left with something unsaid forever....

I'll describe what happened next, if this post gets any response. Why waste time in having monologues...

PS: I don't hate women. But I know for sure that I will never be able to love anyone. Not even my mother or my sister.
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#2
I'm not sure what you are expecting as a reply? Do you want people to tell you what you did was justified? Do you want people to agree that you're heartless?
Neither is accurate. What you did is let revenge overtake you, as well as superiority and arrogance. By the title of this thread (I didn't read the other one, too long), I would assume you are at least a little remorseful. If you don't want to be heartless, apologize. You don't have to continue talking to her, but you should at least send something of an apology.
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#3
Yeah, what's done is done. Revenge can be sweet, but there's often a bitter aftertaste. I can understand why you did what you did and I get it. It was still wasn't a good thing to do, I'd say it's one of those "You're better than that" situations. But plenty of people don't always want to be most righteous man.

Unblock her, say you are sorry and that vengeance got a hold of you. You don't need to justify yourself further. Even if regret taking revenge, it doesn't mean you have to negate your feelings. It's just something you should keep to yourself, no need to work it out with that person in a positive or negative manner.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I go...
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#4
(02-14-2020, 03:45 AM)Rodent Wrote: Yeah, what's done is done. Revenge can be sweet, but there's often a bitter aftertaste. I can understand why you did what you did and I get it. It was still wasn't a good thing to do, I'd say it's one of those "You're better than that" situations. But plenty of people don't always want to be most righteous man.

Unblock her, say you are sorry and that vengeance got a hold of you. You don't need to justify yourself further. Even if regret taking revenge, it doesn't mean you have to negate your feelings. It's just something you should keep to yourself, no need to work it out with that person in a positive or negative manner.

Thanks you.
I will try that.

But that's not my main concern. My main concern is that, I don't feel as bad about doing it. And I think that  in the future, it could lead to me to become someone I shouldn't become. I am unable to feel empathy, love, desire or attraction, etc. anymore. Those feelings just don't arise. I don't feel angry or sad, it just feels empty. There seems to be a void. Incompleteness. Lack of the emotions I described above. I could apologize, it takes a few clicks. But why don't I feel it anymore... That's my concern.
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#5
(02-15-2020, 11:16 PM)M_also_lonely Wrote: But that's not my main concern. My main concern is that, I don't feel as bad about doing it. And I think that  in the future, it could lead to me to become someone I shouldn't become. I am unable to feel empathy, love, desire or attraction, etc. anymore. Those feelings just don't arise. I don't feel angry or sad, it just feels empty. There seems to be a void. Incompleteness. Lack of the emotions I described above. I could apologize, it takes a few clicks. But why don't I feel it anymore... That's my concern.

Well, F it. Your wall is high now. Sometimes it's good to be an ahole. Nice guys finish last. Personally I don't see a problem responding like you did and not giving a shit about doing it. Chad does it all the time because the tap never runs dry for him. Obviously there is some caring that remains otherwise it wouldn't have been worth mentioning. IMO, you don't seem as closed off as you think you are. I only see a problem if it's done to innocent people whom have never caused you any grief. And don't tell me that everybody deserves it. They do, just don't tell me that. Just kidding! Ha! Ha!
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#6
Well, she's probably a nice girl. If she's the type that get anyone she wants then you've likely become a challenge to her. She's got to chase you, knowing that you don't give a flying fig about her.

Thing is, you do. Otherwise you wouldn't be talking about her on here.

Basically, you've kicked her in the teeth and she's not used to that (well, that's what we assume by your post). It's all a new experience to her. She now finds you interesting. An asshole, but interesting.

Three things can happen:
1. Nothing. You never communicate with one another ever again. Her thinking you're an asshole and you not caring whether she does or not. She'll find another man and go on to live her life, for better or worse. You continue in your own existence, whatever you wish that to be.
2. You contact her to say sorry. Morally right, but you may then become less interesting to her at that point.
3. She chases you, in which case you remain interesting and it gives you the opportunity to apologise whilst still keeping her interested.

By the way, there's nothing wrong on her part with being attracted to your money or status. They are two attractants that attract males to females and vice versa.

As you don't seem to give a flying fig about anyone, including yourself (each to their own, that's up to you), I would guess that at this moment in time it's not right for you to be in a relationship anyway, so best just to let it ride.

Your one question is 'Why don't I feel it anymore?' and the simple answer to that is...because at this stage in your life, you just don't. You're bored of life.

Something needs to come along and 'kickstart you'. By the way, call it divine intervention or whatever but something coming along and 'kickstarting you' does tend to happen in life. A bout of serious illness can do it. Likewise an injury that affects you to be more mobile, where you then realise your freedom to do whatever you want is not a given and that life is fragile.

Just walking out of your front door can help. Keep walking in a Forrest Gump way. Knacker yourself out. Breathe heavily. Climb a hill, then a mountain. Breathe the air. Pump your lungs until you feel sick. Challenge yourself to see what your physical body is capable of. You don't have to care about it, but just do it anyway.

Listen to the Sex Pistols. Get angry with the world and then challenge yourself to do something about it. Kick yourself up the arse. Read a Christmas Carol and then decide whether you want to be old Scrooge or new Scrooge. Go to church, tell the pastor how you feel, ask him/her to challenge you.

Make an effort to look as good as you possibly can. Not because you give a shit but because...well...why not? If you really don't care about yourself then it doesn't matter anyway, you may as well just do it.

Go to the coast, take a trip out to sea, wake up on a boat miles from land with just seawater and sealife for company (don't do it alone, you will probably die).

You ask 'Why don't I feel it anymore' and I'll repeat again, it's just because you don't. So get the hell out there and kickstart your life, you've got nothing to lose by trying.
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#7
Let's say there was a girl who wasn't that physically attractive to you when she was in her teens and then she got really attractive in her late teens/early 20s? Would you be more inclined to want her when you weren't interested before? Most men would.

Let's face it, most of the time romantic love isn't all about loving the other person for who they are but usually there are also some things they have to bring to the table. My point being, you might look at her negatively for only being interested once you acquired career status, etc, etc but if you look honestly at the example I gave then I think you might come to the conclusion that men aren't so different.
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#8
Nothing is selfless in romantic attachments... but it seems like the average woman just has to keep her weight under control to be attractive to a sizable portion of men. whereas men have to improve themselves on several fronts. I'm trying to get past blaming others but it's that apparent difference in options that makes it easy to become bitter.
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#9
(05-06-2020, 05:21 PM)ardour Wrote: Nothing is selfless in romantic attachments... but it seems like  the average woman just has to keep her weight under control to be attractive to a sizable portion of men. whereas men have to improve themselves on several fronts. I'm trying to get past blaming others but it's that apparent difference in options that makes it easy to  become bitter.

Would you just stop with this generalizing illogical bullshit already?  You really have no fucking clue.
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#10
You mean mistaken? I mean you got interest from a decent guy with nothing but an empty profile. Someone's willfully blind to their own advantages.
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