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It went too far this time...
#1
Recently I made a post about this. 

https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=40527


____________________________________________

So this happened last week and I had a chance to look back. 

This has gone too far. I have made several people cry. I am not a good person. If I look at myself from a 3rd person's view. I have become a heartless person. Not even a heart made of stone. And that's not a feeling of pride or superiority. 

The real problem is, I don't feel guilty, or as much guilty about it. And it maybe a bad sign for the future.

ABOUT THE INCIDENT:

She sends me a message. Shocking. The two opposite ends of the spectrum, us to. She was that girl who stole the hearts of most of the guys in school. Many used to dream about being with her. But many couldn't even dream that. 
She was beautiful, charming, and I would say, she was perfect. And I don't like using that word on anyone but in this case...!!

We were in the same class but never interacted much because
1. I was the typical incel, beta guy. (Refer to my earliest posts)
2. She had endless options. I was invisible to her. She was a goddess to many of the 'alpha' guys and they would keep trying to become their partner. She used to avoid me as well.
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I wasn't pleased by her message. No ego boost. I have moved on. 
I replied, 'hi'. 
We started talking. I only continued because I wanted to find out her intentions.

After she has done her bullshitting ritual to get me to believe that everything was always normal, I straightforward asked her, "What do you want? What brings you here?"

She went something like this: "I know how you feel. I am sorry that I have ignored you all the time. I am sorry. Let's give this a new start."


BAZINGA!! She did it knowingly. Caught red handed now!! I am ready to destroy her now.

I asked her, "But I am the same person. The only thing that has changed is my career, my status." (She doesn't know that I quit my job). 

Since my job, my status had changed. Everyone respected me. 

She said, "No. You're completely changed now. You are a successful man. You have proved that you're a...... bla bla bla"

---------------------------------------
At this point, I was enraged. 
So I started talking harshly. I wanted to make her cry. I was being rude. 

But I successfully made her cry, and then asked her a question, only to knowingly block her while she's typing so that she'll be left with something unsaid forever....

I'll describe what happened next, if this post gets any response. Why waste time in having monologues...

PS: I don't hate women. But I know for sure that I will never be able to love anyone. Not even my mother or my sister.
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#2
I'm not sure what you are expecting as a reply? Do you want people to tell you what you did was justified? Do you want people to agree that you're heartless?
Neither is accurate. What you did is let revenge overtake you, as well as superiority and arrogance. By the title of this thread (I didn't read the other one, too long), I would assume you are at least a little remorseful. If you don't want to be heartless, apologize. You don't have to continue talking to her, but you should at least send something of an apology.
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#3
Yeah, what's done is done. Revenge can be sweet, but there's often a bitter aftertaste. I can understand why you did what you did and I get it. It was still wasn't a good thing to do, I'd say it's one of those "You're better than that" situations. But plenty of people don't always want to be most righteous man.

Unblock her, say you are sorry and that vengeance got a hold of you. You don't need to justify yourself further. Even if regret taking revenge, it doesn't mean you have to negate your feelings. It's just something you should keep to yourself, no need to work it out with that person in a positive or negative manner.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I go...
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#4
(02-14-2020, 03:45 AM)Rodent Wrote: Yeah, what's done is done. Revenge can be sweet, but there's often a bitter aftertaste. I can understand why you did what you did and I get it. It was still wasn't a good thing to do, I'd say it's one of those "You're better than that" situations. But plenty of people don't always want to be most righteous man.

Unblock her, say you are sorry and that vengeance got a hold of you. You don't need to justify yourself further. Even if regret taking revenge, it doesn't mean you have to negate your feelings. It's just something you should keep to yourself, no need to work it out with that person in a positive or negative manner.

Thanks you.
I will try that.

But that's not my main concern. My main concern is that, I don't feel as bad about doing it. And I think that  in the future, it could lead to me to become someone I shouldn't become. I am unable to feel empathy, love, desire or attraction, etc. anymore. Those feelings just don't arise. I don't feel angry or sad, it just feels empty. There seems to be a void. Incompleteness. Lack of the emotions I described above. I could apologize, it takes a few clicks. But why don't I feel it anymore... That's my concern.
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