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What is wrong with me
#1
Something is majorly NOT OKAY with me. I’m a pathetic person—a pathetic man. I’m a loser with no job, no money, no consequence, living with my parents, and I sit and do nothing all day. I dream of a day soon when I will get up and get the ball rolling, but that day never comes. Every day is the same routine. I waste every day sitting in my detached house on my parent’s property fidgeting on my phone watching videos, posting bs, going out to get a sub once a day, and doing nothing, and I’m 29. 

I look at guys 8-10 years younger than me with their act together, being go-getters, influencers, achievers, and I always see myself as that in some fantasy daydream when I’m sitting around doing nothing at home. I always thought I was not like a lot of the losers I’ve seen throughout my life, but alas, I’m a loser compared to even them now. I’m basically a junkie in every way minus the drug addiction. Junkies are higher functioning and more productive than I am.

I have absolutely no energy. No charisma. No drive. No fire under my ass. My 74 year old father is still out there working, has immense energy, and completely makes a fool out of me. 

I can only say wow, how did I get this way? I know the answer is probably severe depression, which I most certainly have. But I guess on the deeper level it must mean I’m a defective human being due to the fact that I’m susceptible to this kind of depression and self-destruction. It is undoubtedly genetic.

I look for literally EVERY reason to hate myself and destroy myself. My mentality is “if that’s the way life wants it, then I’ll make sure that’s how it has it!” In other words, I intentionally destroy myself out of spite.

I’m completely blocked mentally from helping myself, because I’ve grown so disgusted and bitter that I don’t want happiness. I want things to go bad. I don’t want success or happiness now. It’s too late. I’m too old. It doesn’t mean anything now. Getting your life together at 30? Wow! That’s a smart cookie and over-achiever right there! Nothing can get off the ground when you’re 30. You’re too old. Your window has passed. 

I think about suicide every day. I increasingly feel more prone to doing it. What reason is there to be alive? I know some will say “well maybe you can’t become the best at age 30, but you can still make your life better than it was before.”

Nuh uh. That’s fucking mediocrity, and it’s nothing to strive for. I would rather go ahead and die than to “reinvent myself” into some better version of myself that is still mediocre. I’ve already tarnished my reputation. Everybody knows me as a lazy loser, and I’ll never live that down as long as I live. That is the image that forever rings synonymous with me in everyone’s minds when my name is mentioned, kind of like how 9/11 is the first thought people get when Bin Laden is mentioned.

I’ve got no future, and my life was a total waste. If you’re a teen or early 20 something reading this. Heed my advice. DON’T BE ME!!!
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#2
[Image: giphy.gif]
must be me right?  Cool

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#3
I'm really sorry you feel this way. It has to be very painful.
Don't you think that somehow you can make this life into something that will feel ok? Finding a sliver of contentment in the things you are able to reach?
*big hug*
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#4
(02-15-2020, 03:52 PM)lookatbrightside Wrote: [Image: giphy.gif]

What do you gain by posting an unhelpful smart-ass post like this? Fuck you
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#5
^ Yes that is completely unnecessary. That is part of the problem too, people who want to act like that when someone is obviously in a bad place. It doesn't help.

As for the original question, you seemed to answer it yourself. Pulling yourself out of the state you are in can be very difficult and most of the time you only have yourself to rely on to do it. There are some on here that will tell you that having been where you are before, myself included. You might get to that point where you say, fuck it, and make the decision to change how you are feeling.
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#6
@lookingatbrightside both you and your post have been reported. I hope you’re extremely happy with yourself and content with your life if you can openly kick and mock someone with clear mental issues who is earnestly reaching out for help. Scum!
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#7
if you decide to kill your self this year why still need a pity party?
when you have the time to complains you have the time to fix yourself.


[Image: giphy.gif]
must be me right?  Cool

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#8
(02-15-2020, 10:10 PM)ITellYouHhwut Wrote: @lookingatbrightside both you and your post have been reported. I hope you’re extremely happy with yourself and content with your life if you can openly kick and mock someone with clear mental issues who is earnestly reaching out for help. Scum!

Was it necessary?  Of course not, but wait a minute.  You have insulted several of us and generalized women and placed all your problems on women.  You have ignored or criticized every single piece of advice anyone has given you, unless it matched up to what you wanted to hear.  You have largely proclaimed none of us can understand because your situation is so much different than anyone else's that no one could even possibly come close to anyone understanding.  Pot meet kettle.  You're no better, IMO. 

My advice is the same as always.  STOP blaming everything else in the world and start looking at yourself for the issues.  Change what you don't like about yourself.  YES, it is possible.  Not easy, but possible.  I have done it and so have several others.  And don't come back saying I couldn't understand because you have no idea what I could and could not understand because you don't know what I've been through and what I've overcome.  The change you want and need is up to you.  Do something, try everything...and if you want to come back and say you have, no you haven't.  If you tried everything, you would be better off than you are now.  Doesn't matter if you have no energy, do it anyway.  Force yourself, but start small and work your way up.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
[Image: the-top-10-craziest-laws-in-the-us-9-638...1433876877]
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#9
Anyway, getting back to the main topic.

There are three main focus points that stick out from your post, lack of self worth, self criticism and actual circumstances.

It can be very hard to find ways into work when you're getting older. I had health problems which meant I didn't get into full time work until I was 35. Yes, 35. Its doable. I now own a house, I'm married etc, all in the space of 5 years or so.

What isn't helping you is sitting around thinking that you're a failure and generally ruminating on stuff in your own mind without any outside, daily influences to straighten out your thinking. I used to think I was useless and going nowhere, no I feel like one of life's better people. You have to be on the canvas of the outside world to realise where you fit in the picture. It's no good looking at it and assuming a place in the background.
Oh and stop entertaining ideas of suicide, it's a complete waste. You obviously have a brain to be doing all this thinking, but you're using your powers in a negative spiral. Think positively and try things, I promise it works.
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#10
(02-15-2020, 10:18 PM)lookatbrightside Wrote: if you decide to kill your self this year why still need a pity party?
when you have the time to complains you have the time to fix yourself.


[Image: giphy.gif]

I told you buddy, you don’t post here again unless it’s an apology and retractment of your hateful post. You don’t get to decide here. I do! You either do as I’ve said or I will not leave you alone until you are banned. Not another post from you unless it is what I’ve told you to do. Don’t ignore me again.
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