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What is wrong with me
(02-16-2020, 05:55 AM)MissBehave Wrote: You had the work ethic and guts to try that out. Maybe a new project would give you a little break in these thoughts?
You clearly possess good qualities. 🌼
That’s just not true. It’s much more complicated than that. This doesn’t change the fact that I’m worthless one bit. It was not a sign of good work ethic or guts. It was a stupid scheme that lost my dad a lot of money.
(02-15-2020, 02:26 PM)ITellYouHhwut Wrote: I’ve got no future, and my life was a total waste. If you’re a teen or early 20 something reading this. Heed my advice. DON’T BE ME!!!

Well, I served in the military, worked my ass off, saved money, invested, got my masters degree, earned many certifications, and did everything I was supposed to do. But at age 40 I looked a round and said fuck it all! I quit my career and avoided nearly all contact with people. I wasn't doing anything I enjoyed. None of the stuff I did was worth it or meant a damn thing. It just ate up a large chunk of my life. BTW, I still haven't had my mid-life crisis yet. I hate to think what that will be like. Ha! ha! 

Look here, your life is your life. Do not compare yourself to others. If your life is a total waste so what. It doesn't matter. Screw everybody else. That's your biggest problem. I always did what I was supposed to do not what I wanted to do. Most people are really messed up. They are just hiding it better. Do whatever you want to do. If you want to to smash lady bug babies or fry ants with a magnifying glass then do it. 
This is your life. Nobody else is going to give a shit about you although they will say different. You have all the power you need. If you were seriously depressed you wouldn't get out of bed and/or eat. You definitely wouldn't be seeking attention on a forum.

So, just think of something you want to do, whatever it is. Then go do it. It'll feel good because you are rewarding yourself. Then smile when you are doing it whether you feel like it or not. You will train your brain into receiving a reward for allowing yourself to feel pleasure. In the past, you have trained your brain that it is normal to feel like shit. You have to re-train it to accept being happy as the new normal. After awhile you start believing that you deserve and can be happy. You just need to find what you like to do and the hell with everybody else and their BS standards.
You're born at zero ---------------------------------------------------------------------------die at 80/90

That's your life, right there.

Walk back 5 yards and it becomes fainter. Walk back another 100 yards and it disappears. 

Imagine it in 3D, just disappearing into nothingness, like Carl Sagan's famous little blue dot picture.

In the ether of time, your life (your time on earth) does not matter. No human life matters - not even the great humans - the Churchill's, Gandhi's and Mother Theresa's. 

Ultimately, nobody gives a flying fig about our lives.

May as well just decide you're going to enjoy what you've got left of it.  

In Dickens' famous fictional tale 'A Christmas Carol' Scrooge 'gets it' towards the end of his life. He makes amends and enjoys himself. We can only assume he died with a smile on his face, in his own mind realising everything he did in his last few years made up for the misery he caused before.

You don't seem to be causing misery to anyone, apart from yourself.  You just need to find some joy.

When my wife battled cancer, our hopes and dreams got destroyed.  Many, many times I cried for her and cried for the loss of our dreams. She'd bought me a guitar many years before. Tried it , couldn't do it!  In my despair I picked it up again.  Bit by bit I started to learn, two steps forward - one step back, then I couldn't do it again. She got me lessons. Ten steps forward - one step back. Then she died.  100 steps back.

A few months ago, I picked up that guitar. I'm now playing tunes from just a handful of chords and singing along to them.  Facebooked it, people have liked it (even if in a piss taking way), I've given them a little bit of joy and in doing so given myself more joy.

Nobody gives a flying fig about us (see above). So just start taking steps (yes, go and buy a cheap guitar and tuner - get it restrung and tune it, then start learning chords) or get out a paintbrush or a cookbook or whatever....

Step by step, chunk by chunk, all the time focusing on 'something nice' happening and always remember that in the ether of time, nothing really matters.

Except God. But no need to go there just yet. Although, reading a page a day from the Bible and saying some prayers, bizarrely does seem to help.  Actually maybe it's not that bizarre. 

Put down that video shit and pick up that guitar (and bible!)

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