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I think I'm lonely
Hello everyone,

I just want to vent and I don't really have anyone to listen.

I have been married 18 years.  My wife and my mother never really got along.    In 2016 my mom got cancer and before long she was living with us so I could take care of her.  It looked like she was going into remission, but then it popped up elsewhere.  During this time relations between my wife and mom did not improve. 

Last year,  my wife essentially gave me an ultimatum to put her in a home or she was going to leave and she left me to take care of someone who needed 24hr care until she passed in my home in August.  I just can't bring myself to forgive this, although I do not mention it.

Fast forward to today all of my blood relatives are dead, my wife left me, I've got no friends, and the kids are grown.  I'm on three antidepressants and still cry at nothing all day.

I'm only in my early 40s but I'm having a hard time putting everything back together again.

I feel an eerie kind of loneliness like I am truly alone for the first time and I don't care for it.  

Thanks for letting me vent.
It sounds like you had some rough decisions where there was no path that wasn't going to hurt.

Welcome to the forums.
I second what Minus has said. There was no way someone wasn't going to get hurt there. You did the best that you could in very difficult circumstances and this is the result. Doesn't seem fair, does it.

Personally, I think you're perfectly entitled to cry given what's gone on.

I suspect it's going to take a while before you start to feel better. Sometimes the worst things we can do is try to rush it (not sure if that makes sense).

As Minus said - welcome to the forums.
I'm an Optimistic Pessimist. I'm absolutely POSITIVE that it's all going to go horribly wrong...

Marge: I'm not afraid
Grampa: Then you're not paying close enough attention
(from episode entitled 'Strong Arms of the Ma')
Anyone in your situation will definitely be lonely, especially when life throws you something like this. I went through something as well but I met people who went along my side and with their help I found strength and joy in faith. Consider going to a nearby church and ask the pastor for a simple conversation to talk over what you went through and what you are going though right now. Some churches today have volunteers who will go out of their way to really help you. Please consider that and you might get the healing that you really need.
Trioxin245, your situation does sound distressing but not hopeless.  You've done well to open up here where you'll find many supportive people also struggling with life and relationships.

I think you'll find Desensio's advice to be quite relevant to your life and situation now.  A good church with small groups generally offers love, friendship, and support, giving you the relationships and emotional healing that you need.  If you're not taking advantage of that social environment and support system, then you're struggling alone unnecessarily.

I can't determine what your faith views are, but I know that being a Christian has helped me manage life's deficiencies and problems so much better than going it alone.  It's also given me a comforting sense of identity and purpose in life - being in tune with my Creator.  If you don't have this, I'd encourage you to ponder this seriously.
Here's a half hour video sermon that you should find relevant, interesting, and entertaining.  It might be a good start towards getting your life on a better track.

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