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xephier102

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It's like from before I was even born into this world, I instantly won the messed for life lottery. born with a cleft pallet, mild hyper nasal resonance, and mental disorders that to this day have not been fully and properly diagnosed. And to add insult to injury, father took off after birth (and to this day, denies I was ever his), and a mother with all the understanding and compassion of a Nazi war criminal.. My entire life I've tried so damned hard to be nice, to be the good guy, and to put maximum effort into anyone that would give me the time of day, but the truth is; underneath the surface, I've always had a burning anger.. I've never been a violent person, and despite all I've been through, I've only ever hit one person, and they deserved it. But I think that anger has come out more in my words and my passive actions, rather than taking a direct physical form. Or even a direct verbal form. I've tried to keep it in, but I think it just comes out all the same in one form or another. It's hard not to be angry when so many people have failed me. All I wanted as a child was to be loved. All I got was hate, disdain, rejection, neglect.. In my nature, I'm the nicest person that you could ever hope to meet, but the nurture side of me... I feel at times that it's pushing me towards psychosis.. There's something going on in my mind. I think I might be going catatonic.. I spend a lot of time with my mind in loops; lost in empty, or meaningless thought, or lost on a different train of thought than what I was even trying to think about..
 
Your words break me. No child ever deserves this.
I feel your anger and rightfully so.
I don't like giving advice but this time I will. Feel free to ignore or embrace it.
But if you are physically able, try to take up a sport..and better yet sthg like martial arts.
I think it will be a great help. Although I know that "getting up" itself might be a problem.
But wow to feel in command and to get all the energy out..I wish I can too.
 
Martial arts is an excellent idea. Or even things like boxing and the like. Something to get your frustrations out and help you learn some discipline. Get a punching bag.
As a side note, I can tell you that anger will only drag you down deeper. It helps to keep depression and sadness at bay, but it will eat you alive. You need to find a way to let go of the anger. You need to find a way to let go of the resentment and hate. And after that, you need to find a way to move beyond the depression.

And for the, apparently ever needed disclaimer.....I did NOT say it was easy. :)
 
I agree with the other posters with this additional note.

It's OK to be angry. It's a normal reaction to what's happened and is still happening to you. It's ok to be angry.

What YOU have to do is to decide what to DO with that anger because, as you've already noticed, it has a way of making itself be expressed whether you want it to or not. So... martial arts or sports or some other physical exertion is a great way of helping to express it safely. Or something else, if it appeals to you.

Remember. The anger is normal. The anger is a reaction to what THEY did. But THEY don't get to decide what you do with it. YOU do.

And that's how you win.

(and to steal The Real Callie's disclaimer - it isn't easy).
 
I\ said:
I agree with the other posters with this additional note.

It's OK to be angry. It's a normal reaction to what's happened and is still happening to you. It's ok to be angry.

What YOU have to do is to decide what to DO with that anger because, as you've already noticed, it has a way of making itself be expressed whether you want it to or not. So... martial arts or sports or some other physical exertion is a great way of helping to express it safely. Or something else, if it appeals to you.

Remember. The anger is normal. The anger is a reaction to what THEY did. But THEY don't get to decide what you do with it. YOU do.

And that's how you win.

(and to steal The Real Callie's disclaimer - it isn't easy).

While I mostly agree with what you said, at some point you have to let go of the anger or you will never move passed it. Anger, in my opinion allows whatever the issue is to have control over you.  So by continuing to be angry at his parents, his parents still have power over him.  By staying angry at the situation, it has power over him.  In my experience, unless you let the anger go, life will not get any better.
 
TheRealCallie said:
I\ said:
I agree with the other posters with this additional note.

It's OK to be angry. It's a normal reaction to what's happened and is still happening to you. It's ok to be angry.

What YOU have to do is to decide what to DO with that anger because, as you've already noticed, it has a way of making itself be expressed whether you want it to or not. So... martial arts or sports or some other physical exertion is a great way of helping to express it safely. Or something else, if it appeals to you.

Remember. The anger is normal. The anger is a reaction to what THEY did. But THEY don't get to decide what you do with it. YOU do.

And that's how you win.

(and to steal The Real Callie's disclaimer - it isn't easy).

While I mostly agree with what you said, at some point you have to let go of the anger or you will never move passed it. Anger, in my opinion allows whatever the issue is to have control over you.  So by continuing to be angry at his parents, his parents still have power over him.  By staying angry at the situation, it has power over him.  In my experience, unless you let the anger go, life will not get any better.

Absolutely agree with you. You SHOULD let go of the anger. But I think the first step in doing that is to ACCEPT that the anger is normal. Work out what to do with it and THEN you can start to move past it. I was mostly talking about the beginning stages rather than the full set because it had already been covered earlier. Sorry if I wasn't being clear.
 
I\ said:
TheRealCallie said:
While I mostly agree with what you said, at some point you have to let go of the anger or you will never move passed it. Anger, in my opinion allows whatever the issue is to have control over you.  So by continuing to be angry at his parents, his parents still have power over him.  By staying angry at the situation, it has power over him.  In my experience, unless you let the anger go, life will not get any better.

Absolutely agree with you. You SHOULD let go of the anger. But I think the first step in doing that is to ACCEPT that the anger is normal. Work out what to do with it and THEN you can start to move past it. I was mostly talking about the beginning stages rather than the full set because it had already been covered earlier. Sorry if I wasn't being clear.

No, I get it.  The problem is, I think the OP is well beyond the beginning stages from what he's said in this and other posts, so I just wanted to chime in and bring up more of the end stage.
 
Broken heart said:
But if you are physically able, try to take up a sport..and better yet sthg like martial arts.
I think it will be a great help. Although I know that "getting up" itself might be a problem.
Yea, it would be, since I lost my legs in NAM...
Jk.. lol.. Still got my legs, but I do got a bad SI joint, so sadly martial arts is off the table. As for sports, I was turned off of those at an early age. Due to my slow processing power, I was never good at the whole ,tossing to the right team, thing; unless they had easily distinguishable shirts or markers of some kind. So with that said, I was always the last one picked. And yea, someone is always going to be the last one, that's just logic, but what hit me was when the team captains started arguing after about who HAD to take me.. I was that kid that would sit at the edge of the park at recess just hoping that the tether-ball would free up (since that was the one thing I could do on my own).


TheRealCallie said:
As a side note, I can tell you that anger will only drag you down deeper.  It helps to keep depression and sadness at bay, but it will eat you alive.  You need to find a way to let go of the anger.  You need to find a way to let go of the resentment and hate.  And after that, you need to find a way to move beyond the depression.  

That's not really the order that it works in for me. Anger isn't used to cover up or mitigate depression; it's what forms from the depression and frustration. I don't like anger and generally try to avoid it. My mother was a very angry person. But when, no matter what I do, nothing works out. I just want to scream.. When I can't figure out where I'm going wrong and no one wants to tell me; because, god forbid, that would go against the Canadian politeness quota, and someone won't get their much needed vanity points.. When your entire life is a perpetual contradiction, it's hard not to get angry or be driven insane/catatonic. It's like trying to go into the kitchen when I was a kid and mother was making dinner. I stand a moment, she whips around, nearly runs into me, yells "get the fresia out of my way", I try, nervously, to do just that, and end up walking in the direction she's going and she gets even more pissed off. That's been like, an example of my entire life. No matter what choices I make, the outcome is always worse..

I\ said:
I'm an Optimistic Pessimist. I'm absolutely POSITIVE that it's all going to go horribly wrong...


Sorry, just had to comment on your sig. That's called being a realist. When statistically speaking, it has always gone wrong, it would be highly illogical to assume it would do otherwise. My take on it is to hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

TheRealCallie said:
I\ said:
TheRealCallie said:
While I mostly agree with what you said, at some point you have to let go of the anger or you will never move passed it. Anger, in my opinion allows whatever the issue is to have control over you.  So by continuing to be angry at his parents, his parents still have power over him.  By staying angry at the situation, it has power over him.  In my experience, unless you let the anger go, life will not get any better.

Absolutely agree with you. You SHOULD let go of the anger. But I think the first step in doing that is to ACCEPT that the anger is normal. Work out what to do with it and THEN you can start to move past it. I was mostly talking about the beginning stages rather than the full set because it had already been covered earlier. Sorry if I wasn't being clear.

No, I get it.  The problem is, I think the OP is well beyond the beginning stages from what he's said in this and other posts, so I just wanted to chime in and bring up more of the end stage.

Naw, I think he was closer to correct on this one. You can't just let go of anger in the same way that you can't just let go of depression or anxiety. You need to first deal with the cause before you can remedy the effect. To suggest otherwise is like telling someone with a big splinter in their foot to just deal with the pain, lol. Gotta get that splinter out first or it's not really gonna work in the end. Too often people run to the fire and start spraying water at the flames, it's just bad psychology. 

Honestly, for me, it's not a matter of not being able to work out the  best route to recovery, but more of dealing with too many unpredictable variables. It's like drowning in dark waters and not knowing which way is up. ya spend so much time swimming and eventually just get tired when you find yourself no closer to the surface.
 
There are multiple possible ways to express anger. Sports, as have been mentioned - and let's not forget that some sports can be solitary, if the group thing is an issue. You can even do some physical activity at home so no-one has to see you - as strenuous or gentle as you wish. Sometimes it can help just to have something to punch (and failing a punching bag, there's always the home-made alternative of a pillow or two. Doesn't even have to be suspended).

If physical isn't your thing - and it's not for everyone - there's always creative expression. Such as writing. As long as you know no-one is going to read it, you can feel free to inflict all sorts of pain and suffering on your imaginary characters (and some of them could, in theory, be based on real people although I would suggest changing names and stuff just in case). Or art, throwing some paint around might help. They say great art comes from pain so... it's a thought anyway.

There's also computer games - some are violent some aren't. Hey, even the Sims can be an outlet if you want to give yourself a chance to put an imaginary character in a room with no door and watch them as they slowly die. Better an imaginary character than a real one, right?

I'm sure others can make more suggestions that I haven't thought of. It's just a few things to give you ideas (I hope).

Accept the anger. Just choose to direct it at what you wish. Something productive. Something that gives YOU a chance to find out who YOU are underneath it.

And thanks for commenting on my sig. The hope for the best and prepare for the worst is pretty much what I do. All the time. So yeah, your take is spot on.
 

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