Social networks are making us less social

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Are you using social media?

  • I am using social media regularly.

    Votes: 7 33.3%
  • I don't have any social media account.

    Votes: 5 23.8%
  • I have reduced my use of social media

    Votes: 9 42.9%

  • Total voters
    21

DarkWoods

Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2020
Messages
16
Reaction score
1
Location
Canada
Hi everyone.

For years, I have been struggling while I was on different social networks (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram).

For example, I didn't a lot of Facebook friends when I was on this platform. When I was posting a comment, a photo or a link, I was always anxious to see if my post would attract lots of likes or comments. If I was not happy with the result, I would delete my post and felt anxious and depressed afterward.

I was also stalking a few cute work colleagues and girls I have been dating in the past. Some of them were maintaining a platonic virtual relationship with me. 

Same thing on LinkedIn. Like Facebook, I didn't have a big group of contacts so it felt weird , in the eyes of the possible employer to see my profile with only 30 contacts. And when people sent me a LinkedIn request and I accepted it, I always sent them a private message. I would say that probably more than 85% never answered my message. Their goal was just to add more and more contacts to increase the visibility of their profile.

So, after a few years of that social media crap, I decide to delete all my social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram). It's been a few months now and I feel way happier.

Sure, there are some people who would not be able to contact me. But those people were not my true friends. In a before internet age, I would never have been interested to stay in touch with school colleagues that I knew more than ten or twenty years ago or ex girlfriends or ex work colleagues that left the city to more in another region or another country.

And you, are you on social media? Which one? Do you feel overwhelmed by all that fear of missing out and the fake lifestyle of your "Facebook friends"?

Have you taken some steps to reduce the anxiety of social media on your life? Have you been thinking to delete your accounts? What is stopping you from doing it?
 
Social media is what you make it. If you are on there for a popularity contest or just to get noticed, it's likely not going to work out great for you. Personally, I look at social media as a way to keep in contact with people who don't live near me. So I can keep track of what's going on and all that. Every person on my social media platforms are either family, friends, other people I know IRL or online friends I have known for several years. I'm perfectly happy using social media because I don't have an expectations of it.
 
This is what I don't understand how people let social media control them.  You the individual has all the control over what you post.  Don't want controversy?  Don't post it or share it.  Or understand what risk you invite by saying what you're saying. It could be anything. What might be benign to you could trigger someone else.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Social media is what you make it.  If you are on there for a popularity contest or just to get noticed, it's likely not going to work out great for you.  Personally, I look at social media as a way to keep in contact with people who don't live near me.  So I can keep track of what's going on and all that.  Every person on my social media platforms are either family, friends, other people I know IRL or online friends I have known for several years.  I'm perfectly happy using social media because I don't have an expectations of it.

Yes I know but for a lot of people, like me, it makes us feel anxious and depressed. Lots of studies have proved this. And a lot of studies have also proved the opposite but most of those studies were made by scientists paid by the social networks companies themselves.

Today, people have only three ways to contact me; by calling my home phone, by email or in person. That's all. I don't need to be everywhere like I was before and I stay in touch only with my close friends and family members which is around 6 or 7 people.

SirPanda said:
This is what I don't understand how people let social media control them.  The individual that posts has all the control.  Don't want controversy?  Don't post it. or share it.

Like I said earlier to TheRealCallie, some people like me don't control the degree with which anxiety will develop when using social media.

I invited you to watch this video. Cal Newport is a specialist of productivity and he never had any social media. He has written a few books on the subject; "Digital Minimalism" and "Deep Work".

 
Because you care too much what other people think. You do something, so you expect other people to reciprocate in the same way. But life doesn't work that way because you are the only you. Other people don't have your thoughts and values and morals. It all boils down to expectations. If you have them, you will be disappointed.
As for whether you control the degree of your anxiety. You do. You may not think you do, but it's in your power to help yourself not care so much what other people think. It's hard to accomplish, but it's possible.
 
I am on few social media sites Instagram , facebook. It's just for fun. I don't care how many likes I get.I don't care who doesn't like my posts either.
Doesn't give me more anxiety or depression.
 
Hi everyone.

There have been some news recently on that topic.

After being off social media for a few months earlier this year, I thought it could be a good thing to come back when the pandemic started. My goal was just to connect with others during those lonely times.

So I opened new Facebook and new Twitter accounts. I also created a LinkedIn account to help me search for a new job.

After a few months of this, I closed my LinkedIn a few months ago. I also closed my Facebook and Twitter a few days ago. I was seeing the same results again. I saw lots of negativity and I was spending too much time again on those websites.

What about you? Does social media helped you during this pandemic or if it has been more of a negative experience?

Have you quit social media? Do you plan to do it?
 
I really thought about how I want to use facebook and do my best to keep to that purpose. For me, I like facebook for the connection to distant family members such as cousins, aunts, etc... I dont post alot, but I like seeing thier post, such as when they post a pic of their xmas 🎄 tree. Facebook also seems best way to find out about events such as a birth or a death 😳 I was horrified first time I read about a death notice posted on FB, but got over it and accepted that is how some people prefer to communicate. Remember: you dont need to use FB the some way others do, use it the way it works for you.

I also have a joined alot of interest groups and enjoy those posts. I like martial arts and subscribed to pages all over the world, learning about thier particular style. And I get alot of laughs 😂🤣 from some other pages I 'liked' such as the minions and a page called 'Fu** Sensibility'. I dont hesitate to unlike anyone that is negative and also banned a person or two 😠 .

I have a LinkedIn account, but that is strictly professional. Used for work networking contacts. Great tool for news in the industry. I joined LinkedIn when I was considering changing my job - to build a reference base. But I am still at my same job and glad to have a LinkedIn account to see some the projects and ventures my clients are doing.
 
I don't have a social media account, never had one and will never create one. I wouldn't have any use for it.
 
DarkWoods said:
Hi everyone.

For years, I have been struggling while I was on different social networks (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram).

For example, I didn't a lot of Facebook friends when I was on this platform. When I was posting a comment, a photo or a link, I was always anxious to see if my post would attract lots of likes or comments. If I was not happy with the result, I would delete my post and felt anxious and depressed afterward.

I was also stalking a few cute work colleagues and girls I have been dating in the past. Some of them were maintaining a platonic virtual relationship with me. 

Same thing on LinkedIn. Like Facebook, I didn't have a big group of contacts so it felt weird , in the eyes of the possible employer to see my profile with only 30 contacts. And when people sent me a LinkedIn request and I accepted it, I always sent them a private message. I would say that probably more than 85% never answered my message. Their goal was just to add more and more contacts to increase the visibility of their profile.

So, after a few years of that social media crap, I decide to delete all my social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram). It's been a few months now and I feel way happier.

Sure, there are some people who would not be able to contact me. But those people were not my true friends. In a before internet age, I would never have been interested to stay in touch with school colleagues that I knew more than ten or twenty years ago or ex girlfriends or ex work colleagues that left the city to more in another region or another country.

And you, are you on social media? Which one? Do you feel overwhelmed by all that fear of missing out and the- fake lifestyle of your "Facebook friends"?

Have you taken some steps to reduce the anxiety of social media on your life? Have you been thinking to delete your accounts? What is stopping you from doing it?

Man, I agree with this.  I believe the generations below GenX are all full of socially dysfunctional people due to social media, online gaming, (gaming in general). When I was a kid, I rode my bike, sometimes 20 miles from home, played outside with neighborhood kids, hated coming inside. NOW, youth date online - yet when they meet their "girlfriend" in school, they don't talk because they feel awkward, but they will flirt, cheat, and run their relationship on facebook.   It's no surprise our whole society is the way it is. Thinned skinned, hell I was in my boss's office a few years ago because I hurt an f'n CONTRACTOR'S feelings by being blunt.   Since when do construction workers cry about hurt feelings.   I miss the old days.
 
Myra said:
^ yet you ended up on this forum

I'm anti-social, a loner who doesn't get along with people in spite years of trying. I found social dysfunctional forums in the 90's as I looked up support groups for parents with children who have asperger's syndrome. And I found them, but reading the posts I discovered many having the same life problems as I did.  That's why I'm here. I'm not shy, I'm not an introvert. Also, I'm 55, so I was in the era before social networking began and most of the people on here are not.  So I have first hand experience on life before all this....and in that era there were shy people, and introverts who were a part of the neighborhood group.  They were fringe, but they were there.
 
I'm sorry, are construction workers not allowed to have feelings? You claim to have hurt his feelings by being "blunt." Are you sure you didn't pass over blunt and go straight into offensive as hell?
 
Morrowrd
if you look around here you will find more middle aged people than people of the generation "below gen x".

Are you sure the construction worker was even part of the group that you call below gen x? You're an adult so take responsibility for your mistakes. Maybe you upset him with your bluntness and not because teenagers are thinning the skin of construction workers. Also it was many years ago, so get past it, instead of directing anger to people less than half your age who aren't to blame for your boss calling you into his office.
 
I just remembered something. It was kind of fun to look up other people's Fakebook accounts from my past to see if they were still alive or not. I admit that I enjoyed seeing if they got married, had kids, or whatever. One didn't even need to have an account to view everybody's stuff. So it wasn't all bad. Then after about thirty minutes I was done with Fakebook forever. I told my friend that Fakebook was a joke and wouldn't last long. It was setup really stupid. I see images of accounts from time to time. It looks like it's still setup stupid.

I thought People wouldn't be stupid enough to post all their activities, where they were, and what they were doing for others to see. But, they did and people broke into their homes when they posted pics saying they were somewhere else. Wow! I had no clue to the depth of human stupidity. At least some people finally realized they should restrict access to their information. Well, except for Facebook, they have all the information and are making $$$$$ from it. But, I guess all the users are just fine with that as long as they get to paste a few pics and write a few inflated lines of text not based in reality.
 
TheRealCallie said:
I'm sorry, are construction workers not allowed to have feelings?  You claim to have hurt his feelings by being "blunt."  Are you sure you didn't pass over blunt and go straight into offensive as hell?

Could be both, I have admitted my ability to get along with people isn't one of my strengths. This guy was the same age as me, actually the foreman of the team working in my building.  There was a project he was running in multiple buildings, and I had some things to do in that office that day.  There was a two week hiatus where they were elsewhere, and I made it clear to him way ahead of time, I needed that day.  So that very day, they were all there and in the way.  So, naturally I was mad, and maybe I could have said things differently than I did, but I didn't.  

Sure, they're allowed to have feelings, I tend to think working in the construction environment that people are alot rougher around the edges than say, an office workplace.  I was in the army in the 80's, and we soldiers swore at each other, told each other to f off all the time, and were able to move on without broken hearts. I've worked construction, it's a similar environment. So I've chalked it up to society becoming so thinned skinned where we (myself not included) become offended at stupid little things we should be able to let roll off our backs.
 
Myra said:
Morrowrd
if you look around here you will find more middle aged people than people of the generation "below gen x".

Are you sure the construction worker was even part of the group that you call below gen x? You're an adult so take responsibility for your mistakes. Maybe you upset him with your bluntness and not because teenagers are thinning the skin of construction workers. Also it was many years ago, so get past it, instead of directing anger to people less than half your age who aren't to blame for your boss calling you into his office.

The purpose for my response was my personal insights on what the original poster mentioned concerning social media. So my sharing has to do with my own experience with my own observations - I grew up in an era without the internet, and I myself was a social outcast and I know how I did things, how others who had social dysfunctions adapted as well.  I believe online gaming and social networks become a replacement for in person socialization, and people who might under other circumstances such as living a life without that dynamic, adapt.  That social networking resource becomes an easy door to go through, it removes the anxiety of eye contact, ice breaking steps, group interaction, dealing with conflict... the list goes on. So you have a generation of people who have not learned certain life skills that most people in my age group have had the opportunity to learn, due to relying on remote socializing. I have seen a change in the forums as well over the years, where the amounts of people who label themselves as shy and introverted, that number has grown. It isn't some tiny subculture, it isn't a small part of the population, it's a big part. I believe my conclusion blaming what I have blamed, an honest logical assumption.

As for your brow beating,  I did tell my boss that it wasn't my intention to hurt his feelings.  I did banter with him about the bs of them disappearing for two weeks, then showing up on that very day I needed them to not be there. And they're construction workers for petes sake. They say worse things than I do to each other. I did tell the guy, "didn't mean to hurt your feelings" - so yeah I took responsibility.  Saying sorry is not an apology, I did not apologize, but I did make things right.
 

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