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Greetings from the Darkness
#1
Hi there - my name is Matthew aka Bulwulff and I'm 39 years old. I'm single, and have been for well over 10, very lonely years. I'm here because I, frankly, have no one to turn to who would bother to listen, let alone care and I'm at my wits end and spiraling deeper into a rather dark depression.

I'm educated with two degree's, one a Masters, successful in my current career and financially stable and what some would call successful. I'm in decent shape, fairly attractive or so I'm told, and I have a smile on my face always. I laugh, make semi-creative and entertaining jokes and have an amazing personality even though I'm also a bit eccentric. I have a lot going for me. My one wish in life is to start and raise a family - I'd make an amazing father. I'm open about my feelings, freely share my thoughts and communicate, and am always willing to help others and protect those I care about. I served in the US Army and deployed overseas in Afghanistan and survived shrapnel, and I've survived pancreatic cancer too. My over 40 vest is going to be rocking all sorts of medals!

Jokes aside - I know I have a lot going for me. And maybe that's why it hurts all the more. If I had issues or was immature or irresponsible, or didn't care for my body or my health, or any such things then I'd be able to rationalize why I'm alone. I find myself looking hard to find fault in someone who's worked their entire life trying to be the perfect mate for someone special. Some...understanding to answer the big question: why?

Lately, I've been going to bed while holding a large pillow and shed a few tears while wondering to myself why? Why can someone who's on drugs, abuses women and disrespects them have kids and become a "baby daddy" while I, who's dream it is to have my own children, must suffer alone and watch my dream fade.

I've been alone for many many years. I am surrounded by friends but that just makes me feel lonelier, especially when their boyfriends/girlfriends or wives hug and kiss them. I don't remember what a loving hug is like. Hell I'm pretty sure I have no idea what love is. Almost a year on dating sites and nothing there - trips to bars only leads to me being taken advantage of and left forgotten..it's not from a lack of trying - its like life is set on punishing me, for what I don't know.

Sorry - this turned more into a vent than anything. I hope I'm in the right spot and maybe, just maybe, I'll find someone who understands and might have some quality advice and not just "give it time" because I have, and time has only caused more pain and more loss. 

There's a lot going on, and to really understand I am willing to share if anyone wishes to know more. Otherwise I'll stalk quietly in the background and perhaps find a kindred soul.
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#2
Hard to say, Matthew. The population of women (assuming women, preferences not withstanding) and men are about 50-50 leaning heavy to the woman side. Population about 7.7 billion (divide by 1.9...carry the 2) just over 4 billion women in the world. Odds are pretty good really.

Okay, so not as easy as the math. I know. But most people find their Significant Other and usually in the city they reside in. Not only that, but they would have found an S.O no matter what city they were in. Thousands of cities. Thousands of potentials. I firmly believe there is someone for everyone. To argue my point: my sister has been married twice, both boneheads, both high pressure salesmen (you know the type) and both possessing an excessive lack of personality. My sister wouldn't be bad looking by most standards. She could have had any number of guys but she picked these losers guys. Ten years married to one, divorces and marries his best friend. Someone for everyone.

My point is, we don't know why our life mates pick us. I do know a relationship is a time investment. You hang out. You expose your irresistible charms and before long you are taking someone to dinner. By then, if you blow it, you need to look into how you blew it and work on that.

One thing I know, you need exposure. You won't get exposure on a website. You won't get it in a bar. Why would you want to? Those are places where superficial qualities are paraded so someone can take one look and decide about you. Those are one night stands and crash and burn relationships. You can't pick a partner with a glance.

A relationship blossoms. I can't tell you where to go. Parks, libraries, grocery stores, restaurants. Where ever a small number of prospects can experience you day after day. Where you are one of only a few so they can really see you.

When a relationship is based on slow decisions and careful effort that's a relationship that lasts. When you got her you got her. You only need one, right?

My guess is you are looking for love in all the wrong places. Play to your interests that take you to a place where women also have an interest. That way you already have something in common.
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#3
Hey Matthew, I'd add church to JJW's list. Find one, or plug in to yours in a deeper way. Singles groups are pretty common, and obviously a church is a much more wholesome environment for fishing than a bar.
I used this saying with someone else recently, but it holds here too. Failure is not "failing", failure is stopping trying. Hang in there bro.
I encourage you to get some professional help for the depression. The sooner a professional can nip that in the bud, the better. Perhaps that same professional can help you decode the enigma that is woman while your at it.
God speed bro.
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#4
I would also recommend the church like SirBacon suggested.
I think too much movies affected our lives. Because you see all the characters just go into a bar or ride a plane or whatever and tada..find their SO..just like that.
I feel all you passed through in the army and gosh..pancreatic cancer survivour that is rare you know. A lot of experience and I bet it give you chatacter depth too that is hard to find elsewhere.
So hang on there and feel free to just talk to us here or DM or just vent.
I wish you good luck and a lot of happiness 🌷
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#5
Hello from a lonely person.I've been feeling so alone over the past few weeks.can anybody give me some adviceß Plz.
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#6
(03-17-2020, 09:59 PM)Steuieboh Wrote: Hello from a lonely person.I've been feeling so alone over the past few weeks.can anybody give me some adviceß Plz.

I am sorry this has to be in the time of Corona where solitude will be extreme. But maybe you can learn sthg on line? For me learning is a priority that is why I always talk about it. At least you can come out if it with sthg solid..you know?

Remember to pray if you believe. And just keep writing here.
We are all in the same boat 🌷
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