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How to cope in a relationship in these times
#1
I'm 19, from Australia, and have been in a relationship for nearly eight months now. 

The coronavirus is causing large-scale shutdown of society in Australia, possibly to the point of a lockdown. People are freaking out everywhere. One of those people is my girlfriends sister.

Now this is a complicated situation. My gf (18) was kicked out of home, causing her to move in with her eldest sister, and her sisters ex-partner. She has paid rent the entire time she has been there, and is officially on the new lease. We haven't moved into a place by ourselves yet because we just can't afford it. The ex-partner is moving out at the end of the week (very important info). I've spent like the past two weeks there, assisting with jobs around the house, moving some large things before he goes. But the other day, the sister was told that there were a number of confirmed cases in our town. She rang my gf and told her that I needed to go home because of this, and she'd be limiting movement outside of the house. She got home from work and told my gf that she wanted to spend time alone with her ex-partner before he moved, which was a large reason of me being kicked out. She'd originally told us she didn't know when I'd be allowed back, but later said that I'd be able to come back in a few days. Today she said that only her, my gf, and the ex-partner would be allowed at the house until this whole thing is sorted out, and they'd only be able to leave for essentials. My gf was told it was at her own risk if she wanted to come and see me, which she obviously does. She can't stay at either of my houses, due to my parents not allowing it (ugh), and I doubt her sister would allow her. 

I just don't know how to deal with this. We might only have to wait weeks until we get to spend time together, alone, sleeping together, and all the intimacy that comes along with it, but we could also be waiting months, nobody knows. Due to my age, and relationship experience, I really don't know how to handle this. We both want to spend every second with each other, and we have done so for the past month or so, which makes being apart so much harder.

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#2
The thing is, it doesn't matter how much experience you have. None of us have experienced anything like this on this scale. Sure, there are probably people out there that had to be quarantined and were kept apart, but for the most part, this is new for all of us.

What I do know is that the sister is only looking out for their best interests on keeping everyone safe and everytime the gf goes out, she's risking getting the virus and so are you, which will in turn infect others and then it will snowball from there. As for what to do, there's the internet where you can video chat or a phone to call each other. There are a million ways. You cope the way everyone else is coping, you do what you have to do now so you can prevent more of the spread of this virus.
Yeah, I sounds preachy and if it wasn't a virus, my advice would be different, but look around, read the news, this virus is serious. So do your part to keep others safe. If you and your gf are meant to be, you'll find a way to work this out.

Just my opinion, of course.
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#3
(03-25-2020, 08:22 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: The thing is, it doesn't matter how much experience you have.  None of us have experienced anything like this on this scale.  Sure, there are probably people out there that had to be quarantined and were kept apart, but for the most part, this is new for all of us.  

What I do know is that the sister is only looking out for their best interests on keeping everyone safe and everytime the gf goes out, she's risking getting the virus and so are you, which will in turn infect others and then it will snowball from there.  As for what to do, there's the internet where you can video chat or a phone to call each other. There are a million ways.   You cope the way everyone else is coping, you do what you have to do now so you can prevent more of the spread of this virus.  
Yeah, I sounds preachy and if it wasn't a virus, my advice would be different, but look around, read the news, this virus is serious.  So do your part to keep others safe.  If you and your gf are meant to be, you'll find a way to work this out.

Just my opinion, of course.

I understand about stopping the spread of the virus, but previous to being kicked out of their house, I had been there for about one and a half weeks. Anything they had, I had, and I was then passing that onto my family when I went back. 

As for coping, I don't know how to do that. I feel as if I'm going to go insane during this time. She just got an xbox at her place, but thanks to the fact that I'm unemployed, and can't afford anything, I don't have one and cannot get one, so I can't play with her, and  just have to sit back and listen to her playing while we are on the phone. I just saw my gf today, and walked her home, but couldn't help her bring in her shopping cause her sister didn't let me, despite the fact that we went to the exact same places today. We've discussed me moving into their house (which would be good as I have a long line of family issues), but that'd require the sister to emotionally come to terms with her ex moving out, and we dunno when that'd be, and the state could have gone into a full lockdown by then.

I just dunno how to do it.

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#4
Honestly, you sound too....clingy. Which could be a problem later in the relationship. You have to learn how to have your own life on top of your relationship. Get a hobby, go for walks, do anything that doesn't involve her for a good portion of the day. Something that will make it okay with the fact that you aren't with her 24/7. Maybe even look for a job. In America, a lot of stores and whatnot are hiring...the essential businesses that are getting slammed right because people are scared and hoarding. It might not be the same where you are yet, but it's worth a try. Find something to make you financially stable, something that will give you something to do. Letting your life revolve around her all day every day is not healthy and will eventually tear the relationship apart.

I'm not trying to be mean, so I hope you don't take it that way. My advice with coping would be the same, though. Do something, get a hobby, anything. But I feel it is very important that you have your own life outside of her. I think that's true for everyone.
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#5
(03-27-2020, 08:06 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Honestly, you sound too....clingy.  Which could be a problem later in the relationship.  You have to learn how to have your own life on top of your relationship.  Get a hobby, go for walks, do anything that doesn't involve her for a good portion of the day.  Something that will make it okay with the fact that you aren't with her 24/7.  Maybe even look for a job.  In America, a lot of stores and whatnot are hiring...the essential businesses that are getting slammed right because people are scared and hoarding.  It might not be the same where you are yet, but it's worth a try.  Find something to make you financially stable, something that will give you something to do.  Letting your life revolve around her all day every day is not healthy and will eventually tear the relationship apart.  

I'm not trying to be mean, so I hope you don't take it that way.  My advice with coping would be the same, though.  Do something, get a hobby, anything.  But I feel it is very important that you have your own life outside of her.  I think that's true for everyone.

We are both very clingy, so, I guess it kind of cancels each other out. In another relationship where the other person isn't very clingy, then yeah, it might pose a problem. 

As for the jobs, I've already tried. I went to a job interview at a chemist, but wasn't selected, and I applied to all the supermarkets in my area, but wasn't even asked back for an interview. This is all because I have no customer service and the stores are just not willing to select me over someone who already has experience. I'm not sure if its like that in America, but I guess thats how it works in Australia.it just seems like no one wants to give me a chance, and it makes me feel very hopeless and worthless. 

I do get centrelink benefits, but thats only $100 a fortnight, and I'm not sure if I'm eligible for any of the extra allowances due to the virus.

Also, I finished school in late november last year, and have been unemployed ever since. I have basically spent most of that time with her (when able to, cause she has a job), cause all my friends moved away, and I've got none left here.
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#6
Yeah, sorry, that's not really how it works. It doesn't cancel out. One or both of you will get tired of it and it will cause problems. It sounds like she has a life outside of you, while you just pine for her and find ways of seeing her when you aren't with her. Hence why you need to get your own life outside of her.

Well, it kind of makes sense that they would choose people with experience right now, given how people are reacting to this. But, if you keep trying, you will eventually get a job. Someone will take a chance on you. Double down your efforts and keep applying everywhere. Doesn't matter what the job is, just apply. Garbage man, grocery store, babysitter, whatever. The type of job doesn't matter, you will eventually find something better, but you have to start somewhere.
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#7
(03-27-2020, 08:45 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Yeah, sorry, that's not really how it works.  It doesn't cancel out.  One or both of you will get tired of it and it will cause problems.  It sounds like she has a life outside of you, while you just pine for her and find ways of seeing her when you aren't with her.  Hence why you need to get your own life outside of her.

Well, it kind of makes sense that they would choose people with experience right now, given how people are reacting to this.  But, if you keep trying, you will eventually get a job.  Someone will take a chance on you.  Double down your efforts and keep applying everywhere.  Doesn't matter what the job is, just apply.  Garbage man, grocery store, babysitter, whatever.  The type of job doesn't matter, you will eventually find something better, but you have to start somewhere.

She actually doesn't really have a life outside of us. She works maybe 2-3 5 hour shifts per week at a fast food place, and then we are back to being together. She herself has very few friends, most of which live hundreds of kilometres away. 

As for the clinginess, it has just always been the norm in the relationship. We can obviously be apart for short periods of time, i.e. a few days, in which we'd miss each other. This whole thing will last for more than a few days, so we are obviously gonna miss each other, I'd be worried if we didn't. She did tell me that she has some kind of personality disorder which relates to clinginess, and being totally attached to someone or something, and that is their world, and honestly I don't mind that, it actually makes me feel wanted and loved, and I feel complete.

As for the jobs, it has always been like that. I had a number of interviews before this whole virus thing began, and employers were still holding that mindset, no matter how well I conducted myself in the interview (which I was regularly complimented on), it never worked out. Also, I live in a rural area, so jobs are very limited. I also do no hold a drivers licence, and won't be able to gain one as the government shut that down.
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