Ceasing to Exist

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Cucuboth

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 27, 2012
Messages
387
Reaction score
21
Location
Australia
Trying Tinder and Bumble yet again. But, not going to pay for either of them this time. Or ever again really. Have done that before, and it didn’t help in finding anyone who wanted to even just chat. That’s why I always feel extremely doubtful of anyone who says that they have found someone on them, even just to talk. Where are they? How did you find them? Because I just don’t find anyone who will even reply, let alone get any messages from anyone. 

Have been going for more walks, since we are allowed to be outside for exercises, and the gym is closed for ... well, indefinitely it seems. But yeah, walking alone is getting to me. And seeing couples walking together holding hands, or even just side by side, or sitting on a bench and cuddling, or kissing, or seeing families out getting some exercise together ... to say it hurts is a massive understatement, and really, more and more, getting to experience anything like that feels like it is getting further and further away. 

Honestly, if I ceased to exist tonight, there’s nobody in the world that would even really notice.
 
Cucuboth said:
Trying Tinder and Bumble yet again. But, not going to pay for either of them this time. Or ever again really. Have done that before, and it didn’t help in finding anyone who wanted to even just chat. That’s why I always feel extremely doubtful of anyone who says that they have found someone on them, even just to talk. Where are they? How did you find them? Because I just don’t find anyone who will even reply, let alone get any messages from anyone. 

Have been going for more walks, since we are allowed to be outside for exercises, and the gym is closed for ... well, indefinitely it seems. But yeah, walking alone is getting to me. And seeing couples walking together holding hands, or even just side by side, or sitting on a bench and cuddling, or kissing, or seeing families out getting some exercise together ... to say it hurts is a massive understatement, and really, more and more, getting to experience anything like that feels like it is getting further and further away. 

Honestly, if I ceased to exist tonight, there’s nobody in the world that would even really notice.

Hi Cucuboth.Just a thought have you tried Samaritans or Befrienders world wide.
 
Just Games said:
Cucuboth said:
Trying Tinder and Bumble yet again. But, not going to pay for either of them this time. Or ever again really. Have done that before, and it didn’t help in finding anyone who wanted to even just chat. That’s why I always feel extremely doubtful of anyone who says that they have found someone on them, even just to talk. Where are they? How did you find them? Because I just don’t find anyone who will even reply, let alone get any messages from anyone. 

Have been going for more walks, since we are allowed to be outside for exercises, and the gym is closed for ... well, indefinitely it seems. But yeah, walking alone is getting to me. And seeing couples walking together holding hands, or even just side by side, or sitting on a bench and cuddling, or kissing, or seeing families out getting some exercise together ... to say it hurts is a massive understatement, and really, more and more, getting to experience anything like that feels like it is getting further and further away. 

Honestly, if I ceased to exist tonight, there’s nobody in the world that would even really notice.

Hi Cucuboth.Just a thought have you tried Samaritans or Befrienders world wide.

Have tried various charities before, even volunteering at them, but it didn’t help. There is no befrienders near me anyway, only 2 here in Australia. One in Tasmania and one in Western Australia. And just a voice on the phone is not helpful.
 
Yeah, I gave up on any social platforms long ago. It got to the point where I wasn’t even searching for potential romantic partners, JUST someone to talk to, where I wasn’t expecting anything from them and vice versa. Anyone I DID come across who seemed even remotely interesting, or interested in me, vanished inexplicably after a few exchanges.

I feel that for many of us, we will simply have to resign ourselves to the fact that we will be alone. And honestly, I do not lament it about anymore. It is what it is. Finding a true, honest to God friend is a one in a million nowadays, let alone a romantic partner. Rather than investing in an often fruitless pursuit to find “the one”, inevitably turning that potential person into an idol, one may as well invest that energy into something more fulfilling, something that one can reap the fruits of.

A person is just a flawed human like all the rest of us. We aren’t going to meet anyone who is going to change us, or make us better, or bring sunshine to our lives. We have to be that person for others. Don’t cease to exist because some random person online didn’t give you “love”. Exist to radiate love to others.
 
fract-r said:
Yeah, I gave up on any social platforms long ago. It got to the point where I wasn’t even searching for potential romantic partners, JUST someone to talk to, where I wasn’t expecting anything from them and vice versa. Anyone I DID come across who seemed even remotely interesting, or interested in me, vanished inexplicably after a few exchanges.

I feel that for many of us, we will simply have to resign ourselves to the fact that we will be alone. And honestly, I do not lament it about anymore. It is what it is. Finding a true, honest to God friend is a one in a million nowadays, let alone a romantic partner. Rather than investing in an often fruitless pursuit to find “the one”, inevitably turning that potential person into an idol, one may as well invest that energy into something more fulfilling, something that one can reap the fruits of.

A person is just a flawed human like all the rest of us. We aren’t going to meet anyone who is going to change us, or make us better, or bring sunshine to our lives. We have to be that person for others. Don’t cease to exist because some random person online didn’t give you “love”. Exist to radiate love to others.

I like how you think. 🙂
 
fract-r said:
Yeah, I gave up on any social platforms long ago. It got to the point where I wasn’t even searching for potential romantic partners, JUST someone to talk to, where I wasn’t expecting anything from them and vice versa. Anyone I DID come across who seemed even remotely interesting, or interested in me, vanished inexplicably after a few exchanges.

I feel that for many of us, we will simply have to resign ourselves to the fact that we will be alone. And honestly, I do not lament it about anymore. It is what it is. Finding a true, honest to God friend is a one in a million nowadays, let alone a romantic partner. Rather than investing in an often fruitless pursuit to find “the one”, inevitably turning that potential person into an idol, one may as well invest that energy into something more fulfilling, something that one can reap the fruits of.

A person is just a flawed human like all the rest of us. We aren’t going to meet anyone who is going to change us, or make us better, or bring sunshine to our lives. We have to be that person for others. Don’t cease to exist because some random person online didn’t give you “love”. Exist to radiate love to others.

Maybe some people can do that. Maybe some people are a bottomless pool of love they can radiate out to others. 

But that’s not me. I can’t give out love to someone .. or everyone .. without ever getting some back. Might not be a popular thing to say, but hey, really, it is what most people do anyway. The thing is, when I have given love, or even hope, or friendship, it is just .. well, it finds nothing. Hope, like love, is not something that I have an unlimited supply of. 

I am well past the point where I believe that anyone is completely selfless. So why do people assume that others should do what they themselves don’t? It is like when someone says to think of all the starving children, or people with cancer, that wanting friends and a relationship is selfish while other people are suffering ... yet they themselves won’t give up their friends, or their relationship, until those problems are solved, will they? Of course not. 

What a friendship or relationship brings to us, what we get out of it, is up to the individual. I don’t really see how you can say that we won’t meet someone who will change us. Maybe it didn’t for you, and that’s fair enough, that’s your experience. I have sure encountered people that have changed my life ... just not in a good way.
 
Cucuboth said:
fract-r said:
Yeah, I gave up on any social platforms long ago. It got to the point where I wasn’t even searching for potential romantic partners, JUST someone to talk to, where I wasn’t expecting anything from them and vice versa. Anyone I DID come across who seemed even remotely interesting, or interested in me, vanished inexplicably after a few exchanges.

I feel that for many of us, we will simply have to resign ourselves to the fact that we will be alone. And honestly, I do not lament it about anymore. It is what it is. Finding a true, honest to God friend is a one in a million nowadays, let alone a romantic partner. Rather than investing in an often fruitless pursuit to find “the one”, inevitably turning that potential person into an idol, one may as well invest that energy into something more fulfilling, something that one can reap the fruits of.

A person is just a flawed human like all the rest of us. We aren’t going to meet anyone who is going to change us, or make us better, or bring sunshine to our lives. We have to be that person for others. Don’t cease to exist because some random person online didn’t give you “love”. Exist to radiate love to others.

Maybe some people can do that. Maybe some people are a bottomless pool of love they can radiate out to others. 

But that’s not me. I can’t give out love to someone .. or everyone .. without ever getting some back. Might not be a popular thing to say, but hey, really, it is what most people do anyway. The thing is, when I have given love, or even hope, or friendship, it is just .. well, it finds nothing. Hope, like love, is not something that I have an unlimited supply of. 

I am well past the point where I believe that anyone is completely selfless. So why do people assume that others should do what they themselves don’t? It is like when someone says to think of all the starving children, or people with cancer, that wanting friends and a relationship is selfish while other people are suffering ... yet they themselves won’t give up their friends, or their relationship, until those problems are solved, will they? Of course not. 

What a friendship or relationship brings to us, what we get out of it, is up to the individual. I don’t really see how you can say that we won’t meet someone who will change us. Maybe it didn’t for you, and that’s fair enough, that’s your experience. I have sure encountered people that have changed my life ... just not in a good way.

I get it. Yes, it is difficult to “manifest” love of our own will. To be honest, I am drained of any desire or energy to do that, so suggesting to you was purely hypocritical on my part. 

Because people don’t really change us - they just temporarily fill holes, until they don’t anymore. People are fickle, our emotions fleeting. We can’t bank on another person sticking around or bringing us any happiness, anymore than we can bank on what the weather will be like a week from now.
 
fract-r said:
Cucuboth said:
fract-r said:
Yeah, I gave up on any social platforms long ago. It got to the point where I wasn’t even searching for potential romantic partners, JUST someone to talk to, where I wasn’t expecting anything from them and vice versa. Anyone I DID come across who seemed even remotely interesting, or interested in me, vanished inexplicably after a few exchanges.

I feel that for many of us, we will simply have to resign ourselves to the fact that we will be alone. And honestly, I do not lament it about anymore. It is what it is. Finding a true, honest to God friend is a one in a million nowadays, let alone a romantic partner. Rather than investing in an often fruitless pursuit to find “the one”, inevitably turning that potential person into an idol, one may as well invest that energy into something more fulfilling, something that one can reap the fruits of.

A person is just a flawed human like all the rest of us. We aren’t going to meet anyone who is going to change us, or make us better, or bring sunshine to our lives. We have to be that person for others. Don’t cease to exist because some random person online didn’t give you “love”. Exist to radiate love to others.

Maybe some people can do that. Maybe some people are a bottomless pool of love they can radiate out to others. 

But that’s not me. I can’t give out love to someone .. or everyone .. without ever getting some back. Might not be a popular thing to say, but hey, really, it is what most people do anyway. The thing is, when I have given love, or even hope, or friendship, it is just .. well, it finds nothing. Hope, like love, is not something that I have an unlimited supply of. 

I am well past the point where I believe that anyone is completely selfless. So why do people assume that others should do what they themselves don’t? It is like when someone says to think of all the starving children, or people with cancer, that wanting friends and a relationship is selfish while other people are suffering ... yet they themselves won’t give up their friends, or their relationship, until those problems are solved, will they? Of course not. 

What a friendship or relationship brings to us, what we get out of it, is up to the individual. I don’t really see how you can say that we won’t meet someone who will change us. Maybe it didn’t for you, and that’s fair enough, that’s your experience. I have sure encountered people that have changed my life ... just not in a good way.

I get it. Yes, it is difficult to “manifest” love of our own will. To be honest, I am drained of any desire or energy to do that, so suggesting to you was purely hypocritical on my part. 

Because people don’t really change us - they just temporarily fill holes, until they don’t anymore. People are fickle, our emotions fleeting. We can’t bank on another person sticking around or bringing us any happiness, anymore than we can bank on what the weather will be like a week from now.

So we should just abandon all emotional attachments?
 
Cucuboth said:
fract-r said:
Cucuboth said:
fract-r said:
Yeah, I gave up on any social platforms long ago. It got to the point where I wasn’t even searching for potential romantic partners, JUST someone to talk to, where I wasn’t expecting anything from them and vice versa. Anyone I DID come across who seemed even remotely interesting, or interested in me, vanished inexplicably after a few exchanges.

I feel that for many of us, we will simply have to resign ourselves to the fact that we will be alone. 

So we should just abandon all emotional attachments?

To answer your question, yes, abandoning all emotional attachments is the goal of Zen meditation.  That's why Zen monks become Hermits-- totally isolating themselves in remote parts of a forest to lead a life of Hermitage.  As you said yourself, some people are fated to become lifelong loners-- it's their destiny.  But you can benefit from the isolation by practicing Zen meditation from which you can learn emotional detachment.
 
August Campbell said:
Cucuboth said:
fract-r said:
Cucuboth said:
fract-r said:
Yeah, I gave up on any social platforms long ago. It got to the point where I wasn’t even searching for potential romantic partners, JUST someone to talk to, where I wasn’t expecting anything from them and vice versa. Anyone I DID come across who seemed even remotely interesting, or interested in me, vanished inexplicably after a few exchanges.

I feel that for many of us, we will simply have to resign ourselves to the fact that we will be alone. 

So we should just abandon all emotional attachments?

To answer your question, yes, abandoning all emotional attachments is the goal of Zen meditation.  That's why Zen monks become Hermits-- totally isolating themselves in remote parts of a forest to lead a life of Hermitage.  As you said yourself, some people are fated to become lifelong loners-- it's their destiny.  But you can benefit from the isolation by practicing Zen meditation from which you can learn emotional detachment.

I don't agree that the goal of zen meditation is to abandon all attachments.  I've heard a story of one person, who, after attaining Satori, decided to acquire as many attachments as they could.  They sought out all kinds of new friends, adventures, and such afterward.

I'm no zen master or even a student of zen; but, I don't think the goal is to zone out, detach, and leave the world behind.  That's more of the ascetic approach to the problem of suffering; from which, the Buddha discovered the middle way and went on to establish the 4 noble truths and the 8 fold path.  Zen, to my understanding, is a little less dogmatic, and a bit more playful, and also a bit rough at times, I think; when comparing it to Mahayana or Theraveda, etc..

Here's a nice little blog post about zen I just found. I haven't read any eckhart tolle myself; but, a lot of folks seem to dig him.
 
August Campbell said:
Cucuboth said:
fract-r said:
Cucuboth said:
fract-r said:
Yeah, I gave up on any social platforms long ago. It got to the point where I wasn’t even searching for potential romantic partners, JUST someone to talk to, where I wasn’t expecting anything from them and vice versa. Anyone I DID come across who seemed even remotely interesting, or interested in me, vanished inexplicably after a few exchanges.

I feel that for many of us, we will simply have to resign ourselves to the fact that we will be alone. 

So we should just abandon all emotional attachments?

To answer your question, yes, abandoning all emotional attachments is the goal of Zen meditation.  That's why Zen monks become Hermits-- totally isolating themselves in remote parts of a forest to lead a life of Hermitage.  As you said yourself, some people are fated to become lifelong loners-- it's their destiny.  But you can benefit from the isolation by practicing Zen meditation from which you can learn emotional detachment.

Not interested in Zen meditation, or any other kind of meditation (tried it, many times, didn’t do a thing for me). Don’t want to be a hermit thanks.
 

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