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There has never been a better time for online dating
#1
I know some people on here don't like online dating.

But even if you've struggled with online dating in the past, I'd urge you to get onto online dating apps right now (if you're single).

With everyone stuck at home in quarantine, online dating has never been so good. I've had more success with online dating in these past few months than I've ever had. And I know a lot of guys saying the same thing.

People are bored. They are spending more time on Tinder, Bumble and other apps than ever before. 

Even if you don't want to meet up with people right now, it's still a good opportunity to work on your texting and learn the ropes of online dating. And then perhaps you can still meet up with some of your matches once the pandemic is over. Or you can set up a Facetime date like some people are.

If you're looking for a significant other or any sort of casual relationship and you're not using online dating right now, believe me..now is the time to get on there!
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#2
Why bother? They'll just ghost you once lockdown is over and they can go out and see other people again. If someone had trouble finding anyone interested in them before, it's not going to be any different once it ends. It'll just give people false hope that things can get better, when that is, in fact, an absolute lie.
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#3
(04-25-2020, 07:51 AM)el Jay Wrote: Why bother? They'll just ghost you once lockdown is over and they can go out and see other people again. If someone had trouble finding anyone interested in them before, it's not going to be any different once it ends. It'll just give people false hope that things can get better, when that is, in fact, an absolute lie.

Not sure how it's a 'an absolute lie.'

I didn't use to have much success with online dating. Then I spent some time figuring it out and it got better. Since coronavirus, it's got a lot better! 

If you're getting ghosted, you're doing something wrong.
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#4
I have to agree with you, Bender. More people are going to turn to online dating, I think, since they can't go out. More people are going to be opening up online and giving others a chance.
I said the same thing at the start of this. It would be the perfect time because there wouldn't be pressure to go out and meet right away. You could take your time and get to know someone better.
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#5
Have been trying it yet again the last month. Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, eHarmony, ect ect ect. Lost count of the number of messages I have sent. How many have I got? Or have replied or responded.

0.

Yep. Nobody. Nothing. Even trying to start conversations on FB and Twitter just doesn’t work. Keep seeing things where people say that it is a great time for online dating, and reaching out and finding people to talk with. Yet, I haven’t seen any of it.
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#6
(04-28-2020, 07:31 PM)Cucuboth Wrote: Have been trying it yet again the last month. Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, eHarmony, ect ect ect. Lost count of the number of messages I have sent. How many have I got? Or have replied or responded.

0.

Yep. Nobody. Nothing. Even trying to start conversations on FB and Twitter just doesn’t work. Keep seeing things where people say that it is a great time for online dating, and reaching out and finding people to talk with. Yet, I haven’t seen any of it.

This is exactly what I meant by my earlier post. For people like myself who just have a lot of trouble meeting people and getting responses online, it isn't any easier right now.

(04-25-2020, 09:46 AM)bender22 Wrote: Not sure how it's a 'an absolute lie.'

I didn't use to have much success with online dating. Then I spent some time figuring it out and it got better. Since coronavirus, it's got a lot better! 

If you're getting ghosted, you're doing something wrong.

Well, first of all, no, I wouldn't say that being ghosted means the person is "doing something wrong." From situations where I've been ghosted, or know someone who ghosted someone else, it seems like it is very possible it happens because the person DOING the ghosting has something wrong, and quite often because they are too cowardly to just say something to the other person, even if it was something as simple as "bye" without an explanation. They just want to terminate that social connection without any effort or emotional cost to themselves, no matter what it may mean for the person they are ghosting.

In fact, I'd say the opposite: the person doing the ghosting is doing something wrong.

But never mind the ghosting part, what, exactly, did you "figure out" about online dating to find more success? Surely you can tell us that much if you're also going to accuse me of "doing something wrong" to get ghosted.
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#7
(04-29-2020, 08:10 AM)el Jay Wrote:
(04-28-2020, 07:31 PM)Cucuboth Wrote: Have been trying it yet again the last month. Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, eHarmony, ect ect ect. Lost count of the number of messages I have sent. How many have I got? Or have replied or responded.

0.

Yep. Nobody. Nothing. Even trying to start conversations on FB and Twitter just doesn’t work. Keep seeing things where people say that it is a great time for online dating, and reaching out and finding people to talk with. Yet, I haven’t seen any of it.

This is exactly what I meant by my earlier post. For people like myself who just have a lot of trouble meeting people and getting responses online, it isn't any easier right now.

(04-25-2020, 09:46 AM)bender22 Wrote: Not sure how it's a 'an absolute lie.'

I didn't use to have much success with online dating. Then I spent some time figuring it out and it got better. Since coronavirus, it's got a lot better! 

If you're getting ghosted, you're doing something wrong.

Well, first of all, no, I wouldn't say that being ghosted means the person is "doing something wrong." From situations where I've been ghosted, or know someone who ghosted someone else, it seems like it is very possible it happens because the person DOING the ghosting has something wrong, and quite often because they are too cowardly to just say something to the other person, even if it was something as simple as "bye" without an explanation. They just want to terminate that social connection without any effort or emotional cost to themselves, no matter what it may mean for the person they are ghosting.

In fact, I'd say the opposite: the person doing the ghosting is doing something wrong.

But never mind the ghosting part, what, exactly, did you "figure out" about online dating to find more success? Surely you can tell us that much if you're also going to accuse me of "doing something wrong" to get ghosted.

Yes Bender22, tell us what you did to get success! Tbh, have had quite a few of these over the years, and they all end up being just after $$$ to reveal their so called ‘secret’. 

Agree. Most of the time the person doing the ghosting is the one with the problem. Lacks maturity to not even be able to say that they aren’t interested, or to say goodbye.
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#8
I would say most of the time, if a person completely ignores everything about you, it's usually because it got awkward or there was too much clinging and neediness. Yeah, there are some bitches out there who will just not bother with you if he/she's not interested, but there's usually a reason if it happens. Perhaps it's all the negativity and the fact that you've given up before you even try.

Right now, there are people on dating sites that don't normally go on those sites, so you have a bigger chance of meeting someone. As far as you not getting any messages back, what exactly are you sending in these messages? Are you just sending "Hi, how are you" or are you trying to personalize it, put some effort into it?
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#9
(04-29-2020, 05:25 PM)Cucuboth Wrote: Yes Bender22, tell us what you did to get success! Tbh, have had quite a few of these over the years, and they all end up being just after $$$ to reveal their so called ‘secret’. 

Agree. Most of the time the person doing the ghosting is the one with the problem. Lacks maturity to not even be able to say that they aren’t interested, or to say goodbye.

I don't have a 'secret' and I'm not after $$$

Real Callie is exactly right. If someone goes silent, there was probably too much neediness, clinginess or you got too boring.

I have seen online dating conversations from guys who are failing with online dating. And almost always there are obvious reasons why they're not getting responses or getting ghosted.

Sometimes you can argue that it's immature when people ghost you. There are definitely some rude people on online dating just seeking attention. But most of the time, if you're getting ghosted, you did something to cause that. Show me some convos where you got ghosted and I'll show you where you went wrong.

Nobody owes you anything on online dating. Just because someone exchanged a few messages with you doesn't mean they have to give you an explanation if they don't want to talk anymore.

Anyway, to answer your question...

Firstly, I don't claim to have it all figured out. There are guys who are doing better than me with online dating. But I seem to be doing a lot better than many guys.

1. Get good quality photos. Pay a photographer $50 - $100 to get some proper photos if you need to. Make sure you have good quality, properly fitting clothes for your photos. This will give you a way better chance of getting matches and responses.

2. Figure out some good opening messages that will get a response. Most guys don't get responses because they send boring shit like 'hey what's up' 'hows it going' on their first message. Or they go too sexual on the first message. You can just google tinder opening messages to find some. Or copy mine which gets a response most of the time - "hey can I ask you a question" Women will usually respond because they're curious to know what the question is.

3. Think a few steps ahead. If you want to be talking about drinking wine together in a few messages, then consider what you can send her/him now to lead the conversation in that direction.

4. Get to the point fast. Don't take days or weeks to ask her or him on a date. A lot of girls will get bored quickly if you don't get to the point. Especially if you're texting isn't very good yet. The longer the conversation goes on, the more likely you will screw it up.

5. Show you have value. Ideally you want to convey this through your pictures and bio. But even still, you want to do this through your messages. There will usually be multiple opportunities to do this in a conversation but most guys waste them. Eg. if she asks you what you did on the weekend, don't say 'not much, just watched netflix.' That signals that you have a boring life and you're a low value person. Make it sound like you had an amazing weekend. Or if you really didn't do anything, make that sound exciting. "Oh it was amazing, I finally got a chance to just relax for a while!" If you have an interesting job, find a way to bring that into the conversation.

6. Don't get stuck in boring/platonic conversation. Move it towards something more interesting. Going in a sexual direction usually works. People are interested in sexual topics. Just don't jump straight in the deep end. Ease your way into it and gauge her response.

Those are the main things that have helped me that I can think of right now. Ask if anything is unclear.

BTW, Tinder has opened their passport feature to all users recently, meaning you can swipe in any city in the world.

Use this an an opportunity to get feedback from girls or guys. Swipe in a big city like New York, London, Moscow... More people, so you're more likely to get matches. Then ask them what they think of your photos. Ask them what type of guy they think you would be based on your profile. Ask them what's your best photo. You'll get some helpful feedback.
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#10
Thank you for giving an actual answer to the question, bender22.

However, in regards to ghosting, it's not that simple. I've had lots of conversations that just didn't work and ended up just going silent. I'm aware that being uninteresting can lead to them losing interest, and there are plenty of situations where things just don't click and everything said just feels forced. I've even had situations that, looking back, I was definitely awkward and probably screwed it up somehow. But then there are ones where a person just vanishes, sometimes after talking for weeks, where nothing happened, nothing went wrong, there wasn't boredom or awkwardness (at least that I could tell, and it's usually pretty obvious).

Those last ones are what I generally mean when I talk about ghosting, just the out of nowhere times that leave you wondering what the fuck you did wrong and questioning whether you did something wrong or the other person is the fucked up one. The ones where things were going well and they just vanished, after you were somewhat emotionally invested and enjoying their company. That's different than someone not responding to you on a dating site after 2 replies that were to boring and generic "hey, what's up" messages.

And while I realize no one "owes" me anything, and they're perfectly entitled to drop the conversation and ignore me at any time for any reason, that goes both ways. I'm perfectly entitled to hold it against that person for doing that, not to mention that it's a violation of basic social rules to not give at least some indication of terminating the conversation, especially if the other person asks if they are still around or something similar.

I can definitely see exceptions, such as if someone is being extremely clingy, awkward, making overly suggestive comments without building the rapport to allow for it, and so on. But those are situations I don't think people in my situation (including a friend of mine irl with even worse relationship luck than me; and I assume Cucuboth as well) are getting into when they are ghosted.

But hell, even the topic of ghosting is only a part of the problem. I generally never get responses to anything on dating sites (less than 10 responses in 9 years of checking them off and on every couple months for a week or two). And I do open with something more interesting than "hey what's up?"; in fact, I usually try to angle for something that brings up a potential question about them that also ties to something of mine. Or sometimes even just a comment about something on their profile, usually with no intention of ever seeing a reply. Sadly, that strategy has gotten me more replies than any actual attempt at conversation (and also sadly, a few of those times we didn't actually have anything in common, and I only sent the message to just offer a comment that I felt needed to be said, with nothing more than the hope it maybe made her smile for a second).
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