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It has been 4 years since my last post. I am still lonely.
#1
Hello! I probably forgot that this forum existed. 

It feels weird to read my last post which I wrote when I was 19. It is like as if nothing much has changed. Life still sucks. Now I am 23 years old. Lonely, anxious and probably depressed.

I only have 1 close friend in university who helps me a lot with my studies. She is the only person I text to regularly but we usually talk about random things like promotions, news, food pictures etc. We don't talk about personal issues. Nevertheless, I am truly grateful to have her as my friend since it would be difficult for me to survive university on my own.

As for my other friends, they are still attached and 1 of them is married. I have never dated anyone till now. Whenever we meet up, we will just update each other about school/work/boyfriends and that's pretty much it. Surface talk. I still look forward to going out with them. It means a lot to me. This is better than having 0 social life at all. 

I still crave for a deeper connection with someone. I wish I had a friend to talk about stuff openly and spend time with. I feel so alone. I feel disappointed in myself when I kind of like someone (as a friend) and want to get to know him or her further but I just don't know how to do it. I really have to work on my social skills or this will keep dragging me down. If I don't do anything to try to improve myself, I can't expect things to change or improve. 

Hopefully years from now I'll come back to this forum with a more positive story to share but for now loneliness is still a problem.

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#2
Lostsoulx, I am sorry to hear about how lonely you feel. I understand it. Reading between the lines, I get the feeling that your friends are not meeting your need for friendship, far less intimacy. It is good that you are thankful for them though. Counting your blessings is, I have discovered, the secret to a happy life. The trouble with being lonely at 19 or 23 is that you compare yourself with other young people, most of whom appear to be leading fun, exciting and successful lives - and you find yourself wanting. And this easily leads to feelings of inadequacy, shame and depression.
If you are at university there ought to be many potential friends for you there. It is much more difficult for a smart person like yourself to find suitable friends back in the "real" world. So throw yourself into the life of the university while you still can. Think about what your passions are and find clubs and societies where you will meet people with similar interests. Even if you don't meet a partner you will probably meet kindred spirits and have less superficial conversations.
You say you want to work on your social skills. Well, here are a few tips when meeting new people. People decide within five seconds of meeting you if they like you, trust you and want to be friends with you. So to make a good impression, make sure your posture is good (stand as if you've just won an Olympic gold medal) and that you maintain good eye contact with others especially when listening to them. Frequently using people's first names and gesturing with your hands to emphasise the points you make are also surprisingly effective in making people like you. I have more but I won't give you any more. Implementing even just one of those tips takes a lot of concentration and courage, I have found.
I have learned that although one often might feel that one's loneliness is unique, there are actually many people in the world exactly like oneself. Which is somehow consoling. All the best.
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#3
Lostsoulx - Thanks for sharing your situation.

For a start understand that loneliness is not bad. It offers you ample of time to introspect yourself. The more you hate loneliness the more you want to make friends. The more you are unsuccessful in making friends the more you will regret being lonely. So just accept that you are lonely for NOW but will not stay lonely always.

During this free time work on your goals, learn something new, meditate, and enjoy life as much as you can. Make a gratitude list and keep updating it. You can be grateful for everything that you have, no matter how small or big it is.

Whenever you get an opportunity to meet new people. This could be online and offline, in person, or through social media, anywhere.

Remember while interacting make sure that you make them comfortable with you. Try to add value to their life. You don't have to be an expert with anything just make them comfortable. People often want to meet other people again and again who make them comfortable.

And then be yourself. Don't pretend to be who you are not. Relax. Be honest and genuinely interact with people as if you care in real.

This is a good start and trust me it has worked for many of my clients and friends. I am here if you need anything.

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#4
(05-03-2020, 02:24 AM)lostsoulx Wrote: Hello! I probably forgot that this forum existed. 

It feels weird to read my last post which I wrote when I was 19. It is like as if nothing much has changed. Life still sucks. Now I am 23 years old. Lonely, anxious and probably depressed.

I only have 1 close friend in university who helps me a lot with my studies. She is the only person I text to regularly but we usually talk about random things like promotions, news, food pictures etc. We don't talk about personal issues. Nevertheless, I am truly grateful to have her as my friend since it would be difficult for me to survive university on my own.

As for my other friends, they are still attached and 1 of them is married. I have never dated anyone till now. Whenever we meet up, we will just update each other about school/work/boyfriends and that's pretty much it. Surface talk. I still look forward to going out with them. It means a lot to me. This is better than having 0 social life at all. 

I still crave for a deeper connection with someone. I wish I had a friend to talk about stuff openly and spend time with. I feel so alone. I feel disappointed in myself when I kind of like someone (as a friend) and want to get to know him or her further but I just don't know how to do it. I really have to work on my social skills or this will keep dragging me down. If I don't do anything to try to improve myself, I can't expect things to change or improve. 

Hopefully years from now I'll come back to this forum with a more positive story to share but for now loneliness is still a problem.

You can always message me. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect but I’m a good listener! I’m sorry you’re still lonely. Sad
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#5
(05-03-2020, 02:24 AM)lostsoulx Wrote: Hello! I probably forgot that this forum existed. 

It feels weird to read my last post which I wrote when I was 19. It is like as if nothing much has changed. Life still sucks. Now I am 23 years old. Lonely, anxious and probably depressed.

I only have 1 close friend in university who helps me a lot with my studies. She is the only person I text to regularly but we usually talk about random things like promotions, news, food pictures etc. We don't talk about personal issues. Nevertheless, I am truly grateful to have her as my friend since it would be difficult for me to survive university on my own.

As for my other friends, they are still attached and 1 of them is married. I have never dated anyone till now. Whenever we meet up, we will just update each other about school/work/boyfriends and that's pretty much it. Surface talk. I still look forward to going out with them. It means a lot to me. This is better than having 0 social life at all. 

I still crave for a deeper connection with someone. I wish I had a friend to talk about stuff openly and spend time with. I feel so alone. I feel disappointed in myself when I kind of like someone (as a friend) and want to get to know him or her further but I just don't know how to do it. I really have to work on my social skills or this will keep dragging me down. If I don't do anything to try to improve myself, I can't expect things to change or improve. 

Hopefully years from now I'll come back to this forum with a more positive story to share but for now loneliness is still a problem.

Hey lostsoul, i am sorry about your situation. I am almost in the same situation as you. I know how it feels. We want to meet someone and talk to someone, just talk to someone but it is so hard. Just to let you know that i am interested in chatting with you more and knowing you more. Have you heard of a mentality monster? I am one. I dont know how to give up without a fight and my loneliness is something ill fight it. I am new to this forum and dont know how it works but you can contact me and share with me more stuff. Dont hold it. Its important. Let it out. Cheers !
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