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I'm not sure where else to put this so I'll try here...
#1
I have anger issues.
I want to stop feeling this way but I don't know what the problem is.
I don't know if I'm a narcissist, have a victim complex, just an asshole, or something else.

I went on Facebook today looking for a recipe my parents wanted my aunt to send them.
When looking for it, I saw many people I went to school with, and I started to get angry.

When I see those people, I get angry.
I don't even go to their profiles, I just glance at their pictures in the recommended friends box.
I just imagine screaming in their faces in front of everyone about how angry I am.
Then people start fighting me, but I imagine I have superpowers so I can fight them off.
I know this sounds really stupid, but that's the best way I can describe it.

I can't think of anything that was done to me to elicit so much anger.
I was bullied in school, but mostly verbally and practical jokes.

I think I'm bitter because they are more mature than me and I'm still childish.
They've changed since then and have more important things going on in their lives. 
I haven't grown as a person at all since high school, maybe even before that.
I'm just mooching off my parents and trying to figure out how the basics of being an adult.
I still don't know how I'm going to make the world a better place, let alone be self-reliant.
Some of them have kids, partners, and careers by now.
I'm behind them, and I'll never catch up.

I think I'm angry at them because I expected things to go a certain way and they didn't.
I wanted people to initiate a conversation with me and help me with my problems.
I didn't want to ask them because they (teachers, and classmates) weren't the kind of people I thought I could talk about my problems with.
I also didn't really know how to ask for help, or what my problems were.

I now know that that is an unrealistic expectation and that's not how the real world works.
I have to talk to people if I want them to talk to me.

When I get really angry, I start whisper-yelling to myself, imagining what I'd say to the person I'm angry at.
And sometimes, I want to hit or break something when I get angry at a person, or if I hurt myself (like bumping my head under a doorway or something).
I use to meditate, and the desire to break things wasn't as strong, but I stopped a while ago.
I don't really know why.

I think I put everything in here.
I'd like some positive feedback, please.
If you have any advice or empathy, I'd appreciate it.
Sorry for such a long post.
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#2
I'm glad to see you on the forum again WL. I've been inactive here for almost a year myself.
OK, I don't have any answers for you. However I'm sensing that it's probably pretty tantalizing to see your peers having moved on with their lives and you see yourself as being behind the curve.
I've been in that boat myself
What can anyone suggest....? Put one foot in front of the other, find a paying occupation, get a place of your own to live (If you're still living with your parents), getting the material parts of a life functioning is a good way to open up the likelihood of improving the personal stuff.

Again, I'm g;lad to see you're still in the game, WL. I've always felt some kind of common cause with your struggles.
Contentment comes from within.  Do not seek it from outside yourself.

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#3
Thanks, constant stranger, I'm glad you care so much.
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#4
Actually WL, I do care.
Contentment comes from within.  Do not seek it from outside yourself.

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#5
I wasn't trying to be sarcastic, I was sincere.
Thank you for caring about me.
I'm sorry I didn't communicate it better.
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#6
Hi worthless_loser (nice name, btw).

Just a couple of thoughts, if I may.

First - it's not a race. Everyone ends up at the same finish line regardless of what we do with our lives .Whether we get married and have kids or not - whether we invent a cure of cancer or just turn up day after day at that dead end job that threatens to suck your soul into oblivion.

Second - just because someone is employed or has a family doesn't mean they're any more grown up than you. There is no day when you suddenly wake up with all the answers of how to live as an adult. We just take it one day at a time and hope we're not making too much of a mess at it (and if it is, that no-one notices).

And, most importantly - whether your life is a 'success' or not is pretty much up to you and how you define that rather horrible word. If you choose to define it as 'waking up every day and trying your best' then that's probably a really good definition (and way better than the one that means you have to somehow save the world on a daily basis - I don't recommend that one).

Those are my thoughts, for what they're worth. And listen to constant stranger - the whole 'putting one foot in front of the other' thing is valid. One day at a time. Do what you can. When you can. Not everything is for everyone and some things can't be rushed.

Good luck.
I'm an Optimistic Pessimist. I'm absolutely POSITIVE that it's all going to go horribly wrong...

Marge: I'm not afraid
Grampa: Then you're not paying close enough attention
(from episode entitled 'Strong Arms of the Ma')
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#7
Hey WL I agree with the rest that you should try and stitch one moment to the next.
Getting to a place where you can let all that stuff from those people in your past go is tough. But try, you really don't need to carry that baggage around with you.
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#8
(05-05-2020, 01:27 AM)worthless_loser Wrote: I wasn't trying to be sarcastic, I was sincere.
Thank you for caring about me.
I'm sorry I didn't communicate it better.

No probs, WL.
Contentment comes from within.  Do not seek it from outside yourself.

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