Nobody likes you

Anybody feels like nobody likes them?

I'm 43 years and still living with old parents, unmarried, never had anyone significant in my life, and now to make matters worse, I'm also without a job. I left my previous job last year because I just couldn't fit in with the culture. I felt that people were talking behind my back. I felt like I was being bullied in subtle ways like they laugh at what I say, talk back to me during meetings, always disagree etc. I was the team lead. 

Then the company decided to change my reporting structure and all of the juniors below me were moved to other reporting leads. Needless to say I quit the following week. There was no reason for me to stay behind after that subtle dismissal. 

I have been trying to land a job ever since but unable to. It's because I was stuck in my last job for 10 years. I hated what I did. I hated the corporate culture. I did not improve my craft. I just went to work, came back home, slept and rinse and repeat. So, here I am now, 10 years later, without any new skills and probably too old to start fresh. Nobody is hiring me now.

During lockdown, I have been stuck at home. I can see my neighbors, who are almost my age with kids and spouses and families. They have lives. I walk about in my lane, but nobody really smiles with me or talks. They talk with each other. They have things in common-kids, kids' school projects, loans, jobs, families. They even have little parties in their yards where they get together and have chit chats. They look at me like I'm an alien when I pass by. I have tried to talk to them a few times but they don't respond in a positive way. 

I just don't know what I'm doing with my life. Where I am and where to go.... I feel lost and lonely...


Sorry for the rant.

These forums are so quiet....

Hi Deshy,

First of all I'm sorry you're feeling like this, I'm sure lock down is also not helping.

What I'm going to say will almost sound as though I haven't read or taken in what you wrote, but honestly I read every word.

The most important thing is to be positive, nevermind the circumstances. There are things to be positive about even though things seem awful. You're not unwell, you have your parents and a roof over your head. Perhaps you also have savings from the years you've been working? All of the above give you a buffer zone, your circumstances could be worse.

Nobody can do very much about other people. Some people are odd, some atmospheres are strange. You weren't happy in the job so you left, it sounds as though you weren't really being enriched by it anyway. You can only be yourself and be the best you can from within. If you say hello to neighbours, you're being friendly. Their reaction? Beyond your control and what the hell, well done, you tried.

You seem a very articulate person, you have a mind in there. Just keep going, make good use of yourself and keep loving yourself and looking after yourself. You're a human being and all you can do is put your best foot forward. If you're doing that then you are honouring yourself and nothing is passing you by through lack of positivity or belief.

Keep positive even though things feel rough, I've had experience of feeling unwanted and aimless but I got through it. What got me through was keeping positive and not accepting that the current situation was the way things were meant to be.

Yeti1980 said:

The most important thing is to be positive, nevermind the circumstances. There are things to be positive about even though things seem awful. You're not unwell, you have your parents and a roof over your head. Perhaps you also have savings from the years you've been working? All of the above give you a buffer zone, your circumstances could be worse.

Click to expand...

Thank you so much for replying. I really appreciate it.

I've been trying to be positive. But the lockdown has got me stuck at home with a particularly nasty neighbor. While the crowd that is around my age hang out and have fun, there is another neighbor who is a bit older and very bully-type. 

I don't know why I keep attracting these characters, but there's a history of him making so much noise and me complaining to the police. He is upset with me about it now. This guy has 3 teen sons whom I hear from their front yard, and I'm sure they are repeating phrases I speak with my mum in mocking ways. Last time I went for a walk in my lane, they followed me, imitating the way I walk. I am so not going to talk to this man about it. But, it is very distressing to the point that I actually want to move. 

What bothers me is that I left work for peace and quiet and now have different kinds of bullies visit me at my home itself. Why am I attracting this?

Hey Deshy. Long time member here, if that means anything. I think this forum has kind of run it's course. It's kind of a red-giant now. Still gives off some light, I hope; but, the daily post count is pretty low compared to years now past.

I can very heavily relate to how you feel. I'm 34 now, going on 35 at the end of the year. I can say, that I am extremely impressed by you holding down the same job for 10 years. I've been off and on unemployed for the last decade. Sadly, the majority of that decade was spent unemployed.

At the current job I'm at, I too, feel like nobody likes me. I feel like nobody likes me when I go to the grocery store, when I pay at the gas station, when I go for a walk, when I'm on my porch and neighbors stroll by. I don't even feel like my own family likes me anymore.

I do remember when things were different, though. I can remember just 4-5 years ago, coming out of a very, very, hard relationship, and being completely alone; but, feeling on top of the world. Feeling as though the world in general just kind of rejects me didn't really start for me until about the second half of the year 2016. I had spent some time on anti-depressants prior to that, which probably accounted for the 3 months of bliss after the ended relationship; but, when I stopped taking them (due to increasing anger issues and feeling out of control), I suppose a gradual decline began.

I don't blame the anti-depressants entirely, though. One thing I noticed, back around the time the new President was elected, was that people seemed to be more aggressive drivers. I look at myself now, probably not really having grown socially very much in this almost entire past decade of isolation; and, I think, and realize that... If I had had children at the age of 18 or 20, they would be 16 and 14 now.

The 2000's were, VERY, different from the 90's, and the 2010's, were different too; but, man, an entire decade has come and gone. Perhaps each new epoch of time, for the society as a whole, and people individual, brings with it a different sort of climate. Political climates. Climates relating to trends in fashion, comedy, theatrics, film. Etc.. Etc..

Younger people can be mean. I learned that when I went back to college in my early 30's, heh. I've definitely been one of those mean younger people; to my parents, to people older than me. Etc.. Etc.. Younger people can be ignorant, fearless, and just generally... Well, younger, I guess. Older people on the other hand can become rigid, stuck in their ways. Etc.. Etc.. I am beginning to suffer from this probably, too. As I age. Some things you do have to hold on to; but, perhaps not so tightly. Other things, you just can't let go of, for better or worse, so maybe you find ways to accommodate them better...

Anyway, I'm rambling; but, I feel I know exactly how you feel. It's as if as soon as you leave your room, the world is dead set and ready to give you a hard time; and the more you try to avoid that hard time, it seems the harder they chase you down. Perhaps people who have truly been harassed heavily, know much more about these things than me; but, it's hard.

The other thing I'm realizing, though, is that, a lot of it is my own perception, how I react, inwardly, and outwardly. I'm sort of an unwitting animist, and, for example, we have foxes in our neighborhood. Several years ago now, I was on a night walk, and I saw this cat perched on a cable junction box. I didn't think much of it, and just continued to walk by. However, when I got closer, I noticed that it wasn't a cat, lol. It was a ******* fox. I however, still decided not to respond in fear. I just continued to walk and mind my own business; but, this fox must have been unnerved, or felt threatened. It began to follow me. I still continued to walk slowly, looking back every now and then. I never ran, though, oddly, enough; even though I was afraid. This fox walked at my pace, behind me, and followed me all the way back home a quarter of a mile, at which point it stood on my driveway, shrieking at me.

For months after that, I'd see the fox. It even growled at me from the rooftop once. This fox just had it out for me. However, one day, I decided, something. I'm not sure what; but, I felt, this issue needed to be addressed. This fox needed to learn it's place. Now, I do live in an old folks neighborhood with my parents. So, having some kind of bb gun or spring loaded bb gun in my hand, at night, while looking young, waiting in the dark for an aggressive fox, probably wasn't a good idea. What I did do though, was fill a water squirt bottle with some alcohol and make a tiny little flame thrower. This way, I could keep the bottle by the door, and nobody would think much of it, and the burst of flame it produced when put to fire, would be quick and to the point.

So the fox did come by again, and I became the dragon, to that fox. I was still impressed by it's fearlessness. It ran away a little at first; but, then it stopped about a house's length away, turned and stood it's ground. It began to shriek, really, really loud. I was terrified it would wake the neighbors and draw unwanted attention; but, I stood my ground and moved towards it and came back with my own sound. I cleared my throat authoritatively while producing more flames from the squirt bottle filled with alcohol. It eventually ran further away, stopped to look back again; and then eventually went out of sight.

Perhaps it's an odd and weird story, and most people would think I was crazy if they didn't know the full story, and walked up on me in that situation; but, these are things you do when dealing with wild animals. But more to the point, in all of that being an analogy, is, you have to stand your ground some times. I'm not sure I'll ever fully figure that part of life out. It's a recurring theme of shyness and social avoidance (being too timid, as some one once put it), with me; however, some times you have to put things into perspective.

Me, being the kind of weird sort of eastern philosophy type of guy, I don't fit in from the get go. I stroll very slowly, while other people march on down the street hoping to get enough exercise to prevent them from dying earlier than they want to. I smoke like a chimney. I wear loose fitting baggy clothes, and look young, which probably makes me look like a bit of hoodlum. And even if I dressed the proper part, and even attempted to act the proper part; I think people would still have this sort of feeling that, I'm not really playing the same games as everyone else; because, well I'm not and I couldn't if I tried. Not without denying myself entirely; which, shamefully or humbly, I have at times; but, I'll always be me...

I guess what I'm trying to say is, lately, I'm realizing that, a big part of feeling the way I do lately, that nobody likes me, has a lot more to do with my state of mind, and the resultant behaviors that come of that. The state of mind I have not only colors my perception of events; but, also how I react to them. It's sort of like I'm stuck on a diet of a clove of garlic, morning, day, and night, so anything else I eat not only feels smothered in garlic-y taste; but, my breathe and my general smell is a bit garlic-y too.

As far as figuring out how to find a piece of Doublemint Gum goes, changing that diet, and all that; I don't know.

But, I do know, that when you have red sun glasses on, everything looses a bit of color, and gets shaded red. I think if u can figure out how to lift those sunglasses off a bit, from time to time, as well as maybe figure out how to do with out them, things would fall into place a bit; but, that's the trick for which there is no trick.

So, I'm sure this is going on and on and on; but, as for me, lately, aside from just trying to hang on for dear life, day to day, lately; I'm also becoming, 'aware,' that, at least 50% of the situations I abhor, have more to do with my experience of them, than how they actually are. Even if I was 100% correct that people just resent me for specific reasons, and there is NOTHING I can do about that, AT ALL, how much of that 100% could I shave away if (to use a phrase I quite dislike at times) didn't give a fresia? Or to put it more gently, if I didn't give so much of my attention and care to? That's a lot of care and attention; doesn't it have more valuable uses? Yeah, sure, when the fox corners you, some times the fox tricks you into thinking it's bigger, badder, and louder; but, other times you stand your ground, and it comes to think you are some sort of fire breathing dragon.

I guess to sum things up, I'm saying, for better or worse, A lot of it really is in your head. I don't say that in the way people mean it when they want to trivialize your experience and play it down as something it's not. Some times everyone really DOES NOT LIKE YOU. Sometimes you are quiet, when people want to be loud. Some times you are gentle when people want to be rough. Sometimes you are vegan when people want to eat meat. Sometimes you are kind when people seek to be cruel. Sometimes you are serious when people want to be humorous. Sometimes you are a stick in the mud, party pooping, ******* piece of honeysuckle loser.

HOWEVER, plants NEED honeysuckle to grow. Tents and houses need sticks in the earth to stand up straight. Sometimes things are not a laughing matter. And there certainly can't be any winners if there are no losers. Etc.. Etc..

And other times, I think if you can take a step back, and not 'change your perception,' or, 'view things differently,' cause you can't always do that. Sometimes a car is heading right towards you and you have to get the fresia out of it's way, not think about the situation different; but, I think sometimes you can see a thought for what it is, 'a thought,' and acknowledge that. You can see a perception or a sensation and acknowledge it. Study it, observe it a bit, maybe even analyze situations a, 'little', and, to use another persons' words, say to yourself, 'is this particular version of a history helpful to me now, or in the future?"

I'm doing some reading, trying to approach things a little differently. Right now I can tell you, I am telling myself, this pointless, and I'm giving advice I may not follow myself. I'm telling myself I should delete this post, because I have no meaningful emotion or connection with it anymore; but, I guess I realize, right now, that those statements and feelings, or lack thereof, are an assessment I have made, based on my state of mind, and the narrative I'm telling myself. That narrative being, I have writers block, I am a shitty writer, and I have no story to tell/live, so stop writing because you are not a writer.

I'm also uncertain if I have worded things just right, or perhaps I made a mistake here and there, and I'm not even absolutely sure what I'm even saying anymore, therefore I should give up and not post this.

BUT, I can do something. I can file those thoughts under the story, "I am directionless, lost, empty, and this is pointless and meaningless." I can acknowledge I'm having that thought. And then I can acknowledge that I've noticed my acknowledgement of that thought.

And if there is some truth to that thought; well, i could try to sum things up a little more succinctly. Make this post a little more digestible. But, I realize, the whole post needs to be read in it's entirety. Just like life shouldn't be lived in 30 second clips, 256 character word blabs, and elevator pitches. Yeah, every now and then, you have to get to the ******* point; but...

Life is a story. It's my story and your story. You can't get the whole picture by skipping to the end, skipping a page, or only reading the first few chapters. And maybe I can relearn, and others can learn, what it means to take it slow. I think if the whole world were to slow down by a factor of at least 2, we all might find a little more time for the things we love, and realize all the extra products we are missing out on, didn't really matter that much, and certainly didn't progress us as a species that much.

Stop and smell the roses as they say. And as for me, maybe I'll learn to stop and look around once in a while myself, before I miss out on life...

And I guess if this post sucks, and I made some errors, who's really going to care anyway?

Also, it's probably very rare that a forum post will solve anyone's problems. So, in that case, welcome to the forum AND... I hope the obstacles life is currently giving you become at least a bit less obstructive; or perhaps the paths that they block will give greater notice to other, perhaps more open paths.

Also, about being older and not having children. It's my personal opinion that most children were the result of what was considered mistakes; and these mistakes would have been avoided if they could have. I'm fairly certain I was an, 'oops,' baby (I know that doesn't make ME (as in my existence) a mistake, even though I may feel or have felt that way some times. Though, that's a whole different discussion). Perhaps that leaves us in an advantageous position of not being burdened so heavily by brisk, not so well thought out decisions; and allows us to see certain cracks and crevices in life other's might be missing; that perhaps we can repair them if they are in need of repair; or, in the case that they are simply unnoticed treasures, we can experience them and perhaps point them out to those of whom they go unnoticed. Yeah, at this point, I think I would have liked to have been a kind, loving father; maybe even a good one! But, every coin has two sides...

1st thought.

Nobody likes you
Everyone left you
They're all out without you
Having fun



** It's not to insault anyone, I just like the band and song. XD

Am 44, and know that people don’t really like me. Have always been told so many times, and people’s actions and reactions to me say it even more. Even my own family have told me many times that they have never liked me.

I think I am nice, I sure try to be. I have my own thoughts and opinions about things, and don’t suffer fools and scammers, that’s for sure. But I have always struggled to find people to even just talk with. Even on here, and other places online. I would say I am definitely not liked on here, that’s the impression I get anyway.

Hi again Deshy,

Sorry it's taken so long for me to reply.

Bullies attracted to you? I think we all feel like this at times, the truth is that there are an amazing number of insensitive and obnoxious people on the planet and it's often the decent people who end up on the receiving end of their behaviour. Troublesome neighbours can be a real problem but it doesn't mean that them being there and being the way they are is your fault. It must be serious for you to have involved the Police in the past, if they didn't get that hint and are still being noisy and troublesome then they certainly class as bad neighbours.

I hope you're keeping positive through all of this and not letting it get to you, the main thing is to be proud of yourself and keep your head up.

Cucuboth said:

Am 44, and know that people don’t really like me. Have always been told so many times, and people’s actions and reactions to me say it even more. Even my own family have told me many times that they have never liked me.

I think I am nice, I sure try to be. I have my own thoughts and opinions about things, and don’t suffer fools and scammers, that’s for sure. But I have always struggled to find people to even just talk with. Even on here, and other places online. I would say I am definitely not liked on here, that’s the impression I get anyway.

Click to expand...

I feel like this. I respect people by default. You don't need to earn it, but you can lose it.

But I'm learning to keep my opinion to myself. Maybe it's the way I express it but I often (I'm talking family) just get people disagreeing or turning a statement into an argument but then later they agree anyway. I guess they just need longer to process and understand the reasoning but it's annoying as then I just want to say 'told you so/that what I said' but that would just cause another argument, so best to keep quiet.

ziggyldn said:

Cucuboth said:

Am 44, and know that people don’t really like me. Have always been told so many times, and people’s actions and reactions to me say it even more. Even my own family have told me many times that they have never liked me.

I think I am nice, I sure try to be. I have my own thoughts and opinions about things, and don’t suffer fools and scammers, that’s for sure. But I have always struggled to find people to even just talk with. Even on here, and other places online. I would say I am definitely not liked on here, that’s the impression I get anyway.

Click to expand...

I feel like this. I respect people by default. You don't need to earn it, but you can lose it.

But I'm learning to keep my opinion to myself. Maybe it's the way I express it but I often (I'm talking family) just get people disagreeing or turning a statement into an argument but then later they agree anyway. I guess they just need longer to process and understand the reasoning but it's annoying as then I just want to say 'told you so/that what I said' but that would just cause another argument, so best to keep quiet.

Click to expand...

Through school, then university, and now in to work, I have often found that if I agree with someone, they then change their opinion or viewpoint. Even being seen to share an opinion with me is deeply unpopular!