Naizo
Well-known member
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2016
- Messages
- 320
- Reaction score
- 20
Getting much better at realizing when and how I'd been used for others, and not beating myself up for my self perceived failures and pitfalls that are more often than not the failures of others in their ability to communicate their own wants and needs, not my own failures to "do better" when given no input to begin with.
My biggest hurdle in bringing myself to be able to connect with someone new is that I see her, be it parts of her physical likeness or personality traits, in every woman I meet. It would be entirely unfair to someone to let my past be the reason I want to pursue a relationship with them.
My friends tenacity and drive to better herself, and to be healthier.
Another friends flirty nature and ability to make my moods wax and wane with a glance or lack thereof.
So many actresses that have those "perfect" (in only my opinion) facial features that bring her to mind every time.
And then I see some of my own features in others as well. Their lack of understanding why their partner doesnt communicate with them. Their hypeness when they think they've found something special. Their fall when it doesn't work out how they envisioned. Wondering what they could've done better when in reality, it had nothing to do with what they were doing at all. And everything to do with their partners inability to communicate with them. Etc. Etc.
I am not a psychic. And I won't live my life berating myself for not being able to read the mind of the person I love. That's not how a relationship works. I think alot of people fail to realize that, and put everything on their partner's ability to read them. And if you're not able to read them perfectly, then well, you must not be good enough and they're off to their next failed relationship, and you're left hurting. That's a huge pitfall for alot of people, I find.
I've had my best features broken over time, from being made to feel like they were not good enough. Some of the things that make me a truly good, and loving person, ruined.
I'm slowly, and sadly, coming to terms with the idea that I may just be alone the rest of my life. And having to be okay with that. Not because I couldn't find someone if I really tried, but because I know I'm not capable of giving the kind of love someone would deserve anymore.
Truly, I have loved with all of my heart and every fiber of my being, and I regret that more than anything in my life.
These realizations coming from countless hours of introspection and evolving from hating myself to seeing that I am not always the problem, while recognizing my own faults. I'm sad to say most of my biggest personality issues surfaced only after years of self hatred and having no one to talk to or care for me, while giving my all to those around me, only to turn around when I'm in need and have nobody there. Not even the person I thought I could trust more than anyone else in my life. Especially not that person. I find it interesting how they were the one to show me my faults, while failing to recognize their own. A severe lack of insight into the self, and a lack of ability to communicate effectively, while attempting to tell others how they should be, is a dangerous combination.
I observe now, only. And try to help others only when I feel like I have a full grasp of the situation. I keep my nose out of peoples business, however.
You cannot explain someone into understanding, that is an excercize in absolute futility. Only that person can understand themselves and their issues. Your solutions will never be THE solutions for another.
Every person has a completely different perception/perspective of this life we live. And therefore, a completely different universe, essentially. With the same physical laws, etc, but altogether... an entirely different world.
This is not me being hateful or blaming. Recognize everything you feel is YOUR perception of the world and how YOU feel things should be. People bump edges. It's part of life.
I think you may find someone who truly wants nothing but the best for others, and those who truly undertake self understanding, will tend to feel apart from the rest of the world.
And when you think you understand something, you'll find there is always another level to reach. Avoid the pitfall of the illusion of understanding.
My biggest hurdle in bringing myself to be able to connect with someone new is that I see her, be it parts of her physical likeness or personality traits, in every woman I meet. It would be entirely unfair to someone to let my past be the reason I want to pursue a relationship with them.
My friends tenacity and drive to better herself, and to be healthier.
Another friends flirty nature and ability to make my moods wax and wane with a glance or lack thereof.
So many actresses that have those "perfect" (in only my opinion) facial features that bring her to mind every time.
And then I see some of my own features in others as well. Their lack of understanding why their partner doesnt communicate with them. Their hypeness when they think they've found something special. Their fall when it doesn't work out how they envisioned. Wondering what they could've done better when in reality, it had nothing to do with what they were doing at all. And everything to do with their partners inability to communicate with them. Etc. Etc.
I am not a psychic. And I won't live my life berating myself for not being able to read the mind of the person I love. That's not how a relationship works. I think alot of people fail to realize that, and put everything on their partner's ability to read them. And if you're not able to read them perfectly, then well, you must not be good enough and they're off to their next failed relationship, and you're left hurting. That's a huge pitfall for alot of people, I find.
I've had my best features broken over time, from being made to feel like they were not good enough. Some of the things that make me a truly good, and loving person, ruined.
I'm slowly, and sadly, coming to terms with the idea that I may just be alone the rest of my life. And having to be okay with that. Not because I couldn't find someone if I really tried, but because I know I'm not capable of giving the kind of love someone would deserve anymore.
Truly, I have loved with all of my heart and every fiber of my being, and I regret that more than anything in my life.
These realizations coming from countless hours of introspection and evolving from hating myself to seeing that I am not always the problem, while recognizing my own faults. I'm sad to say most of my biggest personality issues surfaced only after years of self hatred and having no one to talk to or care for me, while giving my all to those around me, only to turn around when I'm in need and have nobody there. Not even the person I thought I could trust more than anyone else in my life. Especially not that person. I find it interesting how they were the one to show me my faults, while failing to recognize their own. A severe lack of insight into the self, and a lack of ability to communicate effectively, while attempting to tell others how they should be, is a dangerous combination.
I observe now, only. And try to help others only when I feel like I have a full grasp of the situation. I keep my nose out of peoples business, however.
You cannot explain someone into understanding, that is an excercize in absolute futility. Only that person can understand themselves and their issues. Your solutions will never be THE solutions for another.
Every person has a completely different perception/perspective of this life we live. And therefore, a completely different universe, essentially. With the same physical laws, etc, but altogether... an entirely different world.
This is not me being hateful or blaming. Recognize everything you feel is YOUR perception of the world and how YOU feel things should be. People bump edges. It's part of life.
I think you may find someone who truly wants nothing but the best for others, and those who truly undertake self understanding, will tend to feel apart from the rest of the world.
And when you think you understand something, you'll find there is always another level to reach. Avoid the pitfall of the illusion of understanding.
