Hi

Hello,

Wasn't sure the best way to introduce myself, but here goes.

I'm approaching 40.   I'm a  single man with no children.   I feel socially awkward and there are times when it becomes apparently obvious that I am alone.    Deep down, I crave company but at the same time, I've got too much pride to admit it.  Everything about me wishes that I lived another life.  

I've messed up this one thus far and in the isolation of the lockdown, this has become more and more apparent.  My life as it exists contains no friendship, compassion or love outside one friend who is hundreds of miles away.  This makes things more evident.   I need to change my life.

The only chance I have to socialise in person is in my workplace.   What can I say?

The phrase tomorrow is a fresh start is something I hope for.   If there was no hope, why would I be posting this message?    I'm hoping to find friendship on here.  Somewhere that I can sound off in. 

I'm hoping this isn't too negative.   There has got to be positivity.  

Sorry if this was too rambling.

Thanks for accepting my membership.

It wasn't rambling at all. RedT, I think it's a pretty concise expression of what things are like for you.
That 'crave company but have too much pride to admit it' thing sounds like a feedback loop that could be holding you back. Maybe. Just my opinion.
I'm glad you're here.

RedT, welcome to the site.  Your case is common, and you'll find many people eager to offer support and friendship here.

The good news is that you're pondering your path in life midway instead of at the end, or never, as many do.  You're at a good age to know what's important and to adjust your values and pursuits accordingly.  Most of us need more and better relationships in our lives, but that can be a life-long endeavor that may or may not produce the companionship and friendships that we crave.  I think that's why constant stranger says to look within and not count on others to fulfill your needs in life.

Let me offer a Christian perspective.  You were created as a unique person, for a purpose.  I don't think you'll find your purpose, self identity, or satisfaction with life by looking to others either.  But neither do I think you'll find it by looking only within.  Our creator has designed us to relate first and foremost with him.  Doing that will help us manage the other issues and relationships in life.

Here's a nice song I just recently found that applies to you.  See if it makes you think about where your heart should be.

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Thanks for the responses. :~)

In a weird way, it's nice to hear that it's a common feeling on here. Being able to sound off amongst others who have been going through similar feelings might be a good thing.

Hi RedT,

Welcome to the site, good to have you around. I think you'll find that a lot of people here are in a similar boat to yourself, loneliness isn't fun and it's only human to want kinship and company. I'm glad you wrote to express how you're feeling, it all helps.

Do you mind if I ask what you think you've screwed up in the past or where you think you've gone wrong? Self examination is a really common and usually healthy thing, but some people can be very over critical of themselves and just need someone to talk to about it who can offer an outside perspective. The "all my own fault" cycle is a vicious one, but I find it's usually untrue, some things I've blamed myself for in the past now seem absurd having shared and sorted it out properly in my own mind.

Wishing you all the best, and again welcome aboard.

Nice to meet you! 
I’m in my thirties and feel the same, even though I’m married with children. You aren’t alone here! Welcome.