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As above, So below
#1
Hi, I'm smol but mighty

The tldr is like this:

Crappy childhood with no dad
I like boys, girls, anything outside of or in between this. I like people.

I love music.

I love the color green.

My one true love and very first love is nicotine.

I'm beta and proud.

I live to serve and I aim to please so long as I'm not bound to service out of compulsion or coercion.

---

Also tldr:

I'm here because 4 years ago I made friends with a girl. Over the years her friends became my friends. Eventually it turns out to be essentially a cult of desperate simps vying for the queens favor. All I wanted was friends.

3 weeks ago things got really bad within the group. Queen was having some issues and it stirred up the hive something fierce. The boys now afraid of being ousted and replaced over the most minor of indiscretions. 

I guess I spoke up for myself and the others too soon or maybe at the wrong time but I brought it up to her for her own good. I genuinely cared as if she were the big sis I always wanted. She immediately threw me away. She ripped my life apart with words and did so with the skill reminiscent of the hunting prowess of the dragonfly.

I miss her everyday. I miss her friends who never ended up becoming my friends. I'm all alone aside from a boyfriend that refuses physical and emotional intimacy.

She will get to go on living off of the hard work of decent men while I have to scrape and grind just to not die.

What kind of world am I in?
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#2
Hello, smol.
You seem like a good person, but I'm sorry you're going through these problems.
I don't know what to tell you, but I hope you can find some friends here.

If you don't mind me asking, is there a reason your boyfriend doesn't want to be physical/emotional with you?
You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'm just curious.
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#3
Without saying too much he had some people take advantage of him for a time growing up. As a result he isnt receptive to sexuality and is essentially without an intact libido.

I find comfort in not having to perform the "labors of love" in order to qualify as worthy of his love and adoration. We're two broken men with nobody else to turn to.

I do also crave him in ways I dont fully understand at times. Drives me crazy he does. A real whirlwind of internalized ups n downs that I fear expressing because he already has plenty to deal with. Idk, this probably isnt the right thread for this...
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#4
Welcome.

It sounds like you are better off without those "friends" of yours. Miss Holier than thou is likely just using all of you and if you screw up, you're gone. Trust me, you don't want friends like that. You should never be afraid to speak up for yourself.

As for your guy, I'm not sure internalizing everything is the best thing to do. If you don't express yourself, it will eventually make you explode from not being able to do it. He may have a lot to deal with, but you are just as important. Maybe try to find a way to talk to him without making him feel pressured or lacking or whatever word I'm looking for that I can't find right now.
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#5
(07-05-2020, 02:05 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Welcome.

It sounds like you are better off without those "friends" of yours.  Miss Holier than thou is likely just using all of you and if you screw up, you're gone.   Trust me, you don't want friends like that.  You should never be afraid to speak up for yourself.  

As for your guy, I'm not sure internalizing everything is the best thing to do.  If you don't express yourself, it will eventually make you explode from not being able to do it.  He may have a lot to deal with, but you are just as important.  Maybe try to find a way to talk to him without making him feel pressured or lacking or whatever word I'm looking for that I can't find right now.


I default on the idea that the situation just needs time
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