I loved until it turned sour.

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Naizo

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Feb 1, 2016
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I promised you I would always love you. And I will. I will. 

I feel down that I cannot speak to you. I feel down that I don't know how you are doing in life. I feel down that I'm not there.

But I can't speak to you. I don't know if I ever will. I nearly lost my mind... in the hate, and the confusion. Sometimes I regret that the last words I spoke to you were to tell you not to try and contact me anymore. I cry because, regardless of whether or not I had to say it, for me... I said the words, to you. You whom I, whether you care, or are even aware, promised my very soul to. For better or worse. I never needed a paper to show proof. I was yours. 

I cry because I can't stand the thought that what I said might've hurt you. And you are someone I promised to never hurt. A promise to myself, unspoken.

I loved until it turned sour in my heart and tainted everything else about my life. Tainted everything and made everything but you pointless.

This dull gray haze. I live, most days.

I smile. I hug. I flirt. 

But when everything leads back to thoughts of you, how can I ever live... for me? 




I no longer see the point in relationships. Nor do I find monogamous relationships mentally healthy for the individual mind. 
Maybe I've grown up. Maybe I've become jaded.

But I regret that the kid I was, who loved too hard, had to be bashed against the rocks of you to learn his lessons about life.

I regret every moment I feel that I would be happier if I'd never met you. Healthier. Because even so, there is no other soul I would rather spend my time with. Ever.

I love you. But I can't.

I always will. But never shall again.

I miss you. And will forever.

Your smile. Haunts me.

We were never, ever, meant to be.

That's just how it is.
 

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