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az85029gal

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Sep 11, 2016
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The lonely life I have been surviving due to my brother's presence.  He having lost his wife and children estranged.  This little brother that I have taken care of since forever, this little brother that my father instructed me was my responsibility "If he comes home crying you had better too" were his instructions and I have stuck to that.  I put his family before myself, please don't misunderstand I loved helping.  As hard as it is for others to understand it truly makes me happy knowing that family is happy.  I did not look for thank you's I did not need them the smiles and hugs were so much better.
But today he drank and decided to tell me what he really thinks of me.  
I truly must be a terrible terrible person, to have people that I have helped and been kind to, hate me.
I find myself with nothing, what reason do I have to get through the day.  I get through the day, go to work because I breathe.  If you breathe then you have bills and if you have bills you must work.  This is not the life I dreamed of as a small girl.
When will the pain of being so lonely be greater than my fear of death.
I say I can take no more, but I always seem to be able to.
But the aching loneliness the daily pain inflicted is so hard to cope with.
What is wrong with me, why is this my path?
 
The problem with alcohol is that it's a double edged sword. A lot of times they speak the truths they normally wouldn't say sober, but sometimes, they just lash out because they are hurting and they want you to hurt as well.

I don't know you, but it doesn't sound like you are a terrible person at all. Maybe you need to find something for yourself. Get a new hobby and start taking care of you. Take back your own life and go after what you want. There is nothing wrong with you and it's never too late to find a little detour on your path to help yourself.
 
and it's time that you realize that YOU are worth IT! All of your responsibilities to others is over. You did you job admirably. You know it and whatever god you believe in knows it. Most people, IMO, are takers. I had to learn to stop helping others too much. It becomes expected and they end up angry at you when the giving stops, as you have discovered. You need to give yourself permission to take care of yourself now. Everybody else comes after you.
 
Finished said:
and it's time that you realize that YOU are worth IT! All of your responsibilities to others is over. You did you job admirably. You know it and whatever god you believe in knows it. Most people, IMO, are takers. I had to learn to stop helping others too much. It becomes expected and they end up angry at you when the giving stops, as you have discovered. You need to give yourself permission to take care of yourself now. Everybody else comes after you.

Thank you for those words, sometimes it takes seeing someone else point out the obvious for it to be obvious to you too. I appreciate you.
 
I've been there myself. I made a lot of sacrifices but end up on the receiving end of hurt. Under appreciation sometimes bothered me throughout the years but I learned how to ignore the pain. I always used the saying "It's better to be kind than to be right". This saying allowed me to carry the burden, but there are days when you think about should I need to stand up for what is right? How I wish a was that kind of person. 

I feel your thoughts and I feel your pain. We just have to live with it and hope that good karma will bring justice to us.
 
hp1992 said:
We just have to live with it and hope that good karma will bring justice to us.

Welcome to the forum!

I'm still waiting for my good karma of 25+ years of helping others. Maybe it'll be realized in death as religious people believe.
 

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