I have been suffering from Depression and some anxiety for almost 2 decades now. I had an incident at work that happened a month and a half ago that has absolutely destroyed me mentally. I have been really struggling. I'm at little bit of fault with this situation and I have apologized and owned up to my side of it. However there is a lot more drama...etc I'm upset with myself that I let myself get caught up in it. This has seriously been my biggest drama incident in my 34 years of life. I have dealt with suicidal tendencies in the past but they are running rampant now. I have already made some what of a will out and wrote a letter. I'm single(my whole life) no wife/girlfriend or kids. I been fighting the urges so far and I'm winning. I have always been strong in fighting this honeysuckle, but I feel the wall is starting to crack. I do have a gun and I absolutely buried that ******* under a ton of crap in my room. That way I can talk some reason to myself if I do go over the edge.
Obviously I need to seek help and I'm not going to argue that with anyone. I have always kept this crap to myself inside and never really opened up to anyone. So basically I have destroyed myself within. So my questions for you all. Does the national suicide hotline work? Has medicine helped any of you? Did counseling help or going to the doctor help? Are there any pros and cons with any of these things? I mean I do understand the greatest pro is your life. I have done a crap ton of reading on depression, anxiety, suicide. I have watched a ton of videos on youtube about this stuff. I just see so many mix responses on seeking help and that bothers me. I understand we are all different and what works for you may not for me and vis versa. One thing does hold me back is I'm afraid I wouldn't be welcomed to heaven if I did kill myself. I'm going to seek out help eventually, but i just want to get a better grasp on things before I bring this issue up to my family. My mother is currently battling cancer and father is recovering from triple bypass. I just can't put this extra weight on them now. Oh and this COVID crap isn't helping either.
Please share any good or bad experiences you have had with seeking help. Thanks I appreciate it.
Obviously I need to seek help and I'm not going to argue that with anyone. I have always kept this crap to myself inside and never really opened up to anyone. So basically I have destroyed myself within. So my questions for you all. Does the national suicide hotline work? Has medicine helped any of you? Did counseling help or going to the doctor help? Are there any pros and cons with any of these things? I mean I do understand the greatest pro is your life. I have done a crap ton of reading on depression, anxiety, suicide. I have watched a ton of videos on youtube about this stuff. I just see so many mix responses on seeking help and that bothers me. I understand we are all different and what works for you may not for me and vis versa. One thing does hold me back is I'm afraid I wouldn't be welcomed to heaven if I did kill myself. I'm going to seek out help eventually, but i just want to get a better grasp on things before I bring this issue up to my family. My mother is currently battling cancer and father is recovering from triple bypass. I just can't put this extra weight on them now. Oh and this COVID crap isn't helping either.
Please share any good or bad experiences you have had with seeking help. Thanks I appreciate it.