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Social Anxiety
#1
Just a few observations today that made me think about the problem I've had for the past couple of decades.The problem I've had that has held me back in achieving so many things in life,things I know I could have succeeded at because I know I was good at them.Social Anxiety or shyness as we used to call it has been the bane of my life but until  last month I was making great strides in conquering it strangely enough during lockdown I was at my best at boosting my confidence being forward,being myself instead of hiding in my shell.Simple things like talking to people instead of waiting for them to initiate conversations.Talking with confidence not over thinking what I'm saying both before ,during and after a conversation.Joining stuff that meant I had to sit in a room full of new people and not worry what people were thinking about me when I'm talking,actually introducing myself instead of waiting and boy do you see the difference in people when you initate it's  really uplifting to be achieving these things after so long staying with people I was comfortable with in being myself like family and customers.
But recently I had relapsed,I was starting to retreat again back into my shell.Simple stuff like applying for work that I know I can do ,I need the money I have to earn because my stash is getting low. Worrying will my co workers like me crazy that is,being to old for the work that is manual not being strong enough anymore competing with younger people , I couldn't give a shit what people think of me attitude that I was cultivating was disappearing again like the bad old days.
But the last couple of days I suddenly thought I can't let this happen again.I've started exerscing again,riding my bike again,not stressing about how I talk to my kids just going for it ,initating conversations again with shop staff not just the ones I had been talking to during lockdown but new ones too and what a great feeling it has been,that feeling of positivity and happiness that beating Social Anxiety brings.So I got to get back to the group I had joined because today one thing that has boosted this ,a simple thing but so bloody important has concreted that the importance you can't give up,you cannot without doubt lapse when you are beating a problem you have because no one else will do it for you,it's only you that can beat it and consistency is so important.My fauvorite local shop worker started talking to me,and the reason it was so important,was because after six years of buying stuff in her shop I thought fug it I'm going to talk to her and that is why today she started talking to me and what fun it was laughing with her again all because during lockdown I had talked to her.
So the upshot of all this,and I hope I've made some sense here,you just can't give up on something so important because the one life is all you have to do the stuff you want to accomplish......anyway for me this is so important.

Positive rant over bad grammar I'm afraid will never change but I don't give a monkeys . Smile

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#2
Life comes at you. What is important is how you face it. We are responsible for our own happiness. Failing in that is giving your power to someone else.
"The only stupid question is the one you already know the answer to." ~ me
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#3
(08-16-2020, 06:19 PM)Just Games Wrote: Positive rant over bad grammar I'm afraid will never change but I don't give a monkeys . Smile

Oh, I could change it. Club lol   Toungue

But anyway, yeah, it is always a good thing to remember that no one is perfect and you will have slip ups and sometimes take a few steps back.  The important thing to always remember is that it doesn't mean you've failed.  You just have to get up and get back to work.  Never give up.

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#4
(08-16-2020, 08:37 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote:
(08-16-2020, 06:19 PM)Just Games Wrote: Positive rant over bad grammar I'm afraid will never change but I don't give a monkeys . Smile

Oh, I could change it. Club lol   Toungue

But anyway, yeah, it is always a good thing to remember that no one is perfect and you will have slip ups and sometimes take a few steps back.  The important thing to always remember is that it doesn't mean you've failed.  You just have to get up and get back to work.  Never give up.

Look a little bit of instruction by your good self is always welcome but will probably make no difference what so ever  Big Grin.Nouns and verbs ok maybe,pronouns and adverbs no chance lol.Preposition,conjunction(I didn't Google this honest)and interjection your having a laugh.Spelling well good luck. Toungue

But yeah far from perfect that I be and a bit lazy it's very important for me to not step back too much but power on because I've been too long comfortable with my  lack of go and don't want to lapse back into old habits.But thanks Callie.

(08-16-2020, 08:03 PM)JJW Wrote: Life comes at you.  What is important is how you face it.  We are responsible for our own happiness.  Failing in that is giving your power to someone else.

Yes too true facing stuff head on has always been a problem for me something I admire in other people.Thanks
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#5
A positive update.As all the regulars know I joined this place three years age because I was really lonely and now with age I know the root of my problem was shyness or the modern term social anxiety. Stuff I should have enjoyed like parties,weddings ,nightclubs ,just simple things like watching my kid play football were a nightmare to me because I didn't have a clue how to beat it.Drink was my only solution pretty much tracing back I know now why I was/am an alcoholic although sort of eradicated now with the aid of medication which I have to take because of epilepsy.

This place I'm sure has helped me alot what with talking to people on a regular basis and just reading the threads from people that suffer the same condition. Positive upbeat replies and helpful solutions have helped me too.I tend to post on here really early because I'm  an early riser but this helps too because I post what I want and not hold back overthinking stuff like I did before .

Anyway the reason I'm back here is that I went to a wedding an event that in the past would cause me hot sweats,feelings am I good enough to talk to people,entertain them usual waist of time overthinking rubbish that I should have thought just don't give a shit and enjoy it.This time it was totally different I faced my fear head on,enjoyed the whole event immensely,initiated conversation,got to know some people that I started talking too that we intend to visit and that we are already friends with no holding back now and it feels great.

But the simple thing that made me think wow I've virtually defeated this condition that has held me back was my wife ,Mrs popular ,exclaiming that she was really nervous about making smalltalk .I laughed to myself and thought I can't wait to do that just get in there and chat and of course the biggie..I don't need to get drunk ,it's easy as that.I didn't give a shit and I can't wait for the next party and funeral my wife's friend's father I know slightly weird but even the wakes used to freak me out.

So all you kids out there don't waist valuable time it is beatable...coming from one of the most shy and retiring people you could ever meet .Don't suffer,enjoy life it can be beaten.
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#6
I can only agree, Just Games! And I'm so happy that things changed for you to the better. Smile

Having a PC + internet access really helped me when I was 17 and in the following years. But my first experiences didn't come from a forum, but an online game and also YouTube. Just jumping in the cold water and talking to other people. It still took me many years to completely get rid of the shyness and anxiety, but it happened eventually. It is not very hard after the first steps. And to not care what others think helped especially a lot. Instead of wasting valuable time to worry - just not thinking about it. The online experiences made my real self stronger and I could be like this anywhere.

The only difference is, that I don't actually care about socializing, this is what I realized after not being shy anymore. Shyness became chosen silence. Smile But that's the point though! When you are confident, you can do whatever you want and follow your heart! In the past, I was always worried what other think about me, I felt like I HAVE to talk, that certain things were expected from me. When someone invites me to a wedding, I say that I'm not interested. Because that's the truth. Being able to say "no", to honestly say that I prefer deep conversations or quiet activities makes a huge difference. And it only leads to similar people and whom we can complinent each other. Smile
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