Sign of Life

Hello, I just wanted to say hi. I crave some communication, but I don't know with whom, so I just thought I would do it with you. I don't know if what I am feeling is loneliness. I talk with my mother on the phone almost every day. Often for 20 minutes and more. While I am on vacation that is the only communication I have with people. There is a heavy feeling in my chest, and I think I am quite unhappy with my life. I spent the last days distracting myself from that feeling with Internet novels and Animes, and old favorite TV shows of mine that I collected over the years. I am unhappy that there is no possibility for change in my life. I wish I had more money. I am currently dependent on social welfare. I work at an institution where there is almost no pay for people with mental illnesses like me. I am afraid of the day my mother dies and I grow old with various ailments old people have, possibly including diabetes which is quite prevalent in my family. If my mother dies I will have no one. I will be completely alone.

Thank you for reading this.

mkdrive2 said:

Hello, I just wanted to say hi. I crave some communication, but I don't know with whom, so I just thought I would do it with you. I don't know if what I am feeling is loneliness. I talk with my mother on the phone almost every day. Often for 20 minutes and more. While I am on vacation that is the only communication I have with people. There is a heavy feeling in my chest, and I think I am quite unhappy with my life. I spent the last days distracting myself from that feeling with Internet novels and Animes, and old favorite TV shows of mine that I collected over the years. I am unhappy that there is no possibility for change in my life. I wish I had more money. I am currently dependent on social welfare. I work at an institution where there is almost no pay for people with mental illnesses like me. I am afraid of the day my mother dies and I grow old with various ailments old people have, possibly including diabetes which is quite prevalent in my family. If my mother dies I will have no one. I will be completely alone.

Thank you for reading this.

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Welcome to the forum! You are still young. Try to find in-person self improvement groups after social distancing ends before it's too late and you become set in your ways like many of us. Use the groups to socialize even if you aren't afflicted with what they are trying to improve. Otherwise exactly what you don't want to happen, will, if you don't proactively do something about it.

Finished said:

Welcome to the forum! You are still young. Try to find in-person self improvement groups after social distancing ends before it's too late and you become set in your ways like many of us. Use the groups to socialize even if you aren't afflicted with what they are trying to improve. Otherwise exactly what you don't want to happen, will, if you don't proactively do something about it.

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I have been avoiding to meet groups, because I did not have the confidence to go somewhere else after work. I am usually quite exhausted after work and want nothing else than to go home as quickly as possible. The reason, however, is not because my work is very taxing or the hours are too long. Quite the contrary. I think it is just that I find it most comfortable at home despite my unhappiness with the situation.

I crave communication, even if it is just online. I feel a lot better already after starting this thread. My chest does not feel heavy anymore today. Until a month ago I had this Internet chat that was really well frequented that I used to go to, but they completely changed the chat software making it a lot more difficult to communicate. It just does not feel the same anymore. But maybe I should get used to it again and frequent the chat again so that I would be less lonely. I cannot keep repeatedly writing here I guess...

^ Well, I thought the same thing. You sound like me in my past. I wanted to get home from work and away from people. I was so stressed at being around people all day. I thought about fixing that. I even made a half ass attempt at joining groups. But, I just didn't want to do it. It wasn't enjoyable. All I wanted to do was go home, shut the door, and lock the outside world away. So that's what I did.

Alcohol became my best friend. To this day I still believe that alcohol was the best friend I've ever had. I have gotten more pleasure from alcohol then anything else combined. It was torture to give it up. But, I knew I had to do it.

A few years later being around people at work was really getting to me along with several other things. So, I said F it, quit work, and basically stopped all socializing except when absolutely necessary. OMG! I was so relieved. Now a decade later I really don't think I can deal with people IRL. I'm completely set in my ways. I will be alone with myself for the rest of my life. I'm making it work for me. But, is that what you want? If not you need to learn to socialize IRL and learn to get better and more comfortable at doing it.

Finished said:

Now a decade later I really don't think I can deal with people IRL. I'm completely set in my ways. I will be alone with myself for the rest of my life. I'm making it work for me. But, is that what you want? If not you need to learn to socialize IRL and learn to get better and more comfortable at doing it.

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I cling to the idea that it isn't people that I can't be with, but it's that I'm around the wrong people. I hold out hope that SOMEWHERE there is a group that I'd get along with fine. I'd say it's the same for you. Finding them might be difficult.

JJW said:

Finished said:

Now a decade later I really don't think I can deal with people IRL. I'm completely set in my ways. I will be alone with myself for the rest of my life. I'm making it work for me. But, is that what you want? If not you need to learn to socialize IRL and learn to get better and more comfortable at doing it.

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I cling to the idea that it isn't people that I can't be with, but it's that I'm around the wrong people.  I hold out hope that SOMEWHERE there is a group that I'd get along with fine.  I'd say it's the same for you.  Finding them might be difficult.

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Yeah, that's probably more accurate. I think I could get along with this group just fine: But, good luck!

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