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Lonely at Home
#1
I lived with my grandparents when I was a kid. After they died,  I lived with my dad and step mom.  I'm closer with my friends than my family.  Being with my family stresses me out.  Especially that all I received from my dad are negative comments,  he never complimented me or my decisions.  

Whenever I'm at our house,  I feel more alone. I feel like being away from them is better and isn't it ironic to be more sad when you're with your family? 

I feel like i can never lean on to them.  My friends live far away as well. I mean,  there's a saying that friends come and go,  but family stays forever.  Growing up,  i realized that people really do come and go.  It makes me lonely thinking that I will have no one to lean on.  

If that's the case,  maybe I will just be a loner for these ff years to come.

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#2
^ After the family members died that I cared about I blew the rest of them off. Doing that was great. There's no law that says you need to stick to your family. It's just a stupid blood code. Whatever.

Yep. People come and go. Then you get old and all they do is go. Yep, you are probably on your own. So, make sure you set yourself up properly, protect yourself, and don't let some person take that away too.
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#3
(08-25-2020, 12:29 AM)Finished Wrote: There's no law that says you need to stick to your family. It's just a stupid blood code.

Ditto.

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"The only stupid question is the one you already know the answer to." ~ me
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#4
What im trying to say is.. I want to stay away from them as much as possible nc they're stressinf me out. Even if they're my family, i guess it's valid to feel this way, right?
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#5
With me, it was my family that hurt me most. Those that were supposed to love and understand me never took the time to try. I was treated more like a family pet. It didn't improve when we became adults and started our own families. They were cordial toward my wife but never accepted her. My mother, having doted over my siblings children never made time for my child.

When I was nineteen I was in a car crash that killed my father. The night of the crash everyone wanted to learn the gory details. No one ever asked how I was doing. No one did anything to help me cope. I was expected to sooth their pain...and I had been trained to accept their apathy. It was just normal.

When I was forty I had been ill for a while. Time to think became abundant. I looked back on my life and saw I hadn't been allowed to blossom. I'd been suppressed. I revisited a lot of things from my childhood that shocked me as an adult. Back then it was just normal.

If family is all so important why was I not given the same support the others got. Family isn't your DNA. Family is having people that help you thrive. They don't need to share blood.

It's nearing two decades since I heard from anyone in my family. It hasn't bothered me in the least.

I don't know if your reason to reject your family is valid. Only you can decide that. If you aren't happy with the normal then you need to do something about it. Bloodline is not a contract.
"The only stupid question is the one you already know the answer to." ~ me
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#6
Why I have stories in common with each of you and mine are sad too but we have to learn to get over them and 'just move forward"--somehow--its really hard and I am in the mist of it right now. Just because it is your family does not make it your family and both posters are right and even if you were to visit them you would wind up saying "now I know why I disconnected with them"--the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence and a lot of times it is not....This life is hard and one of the most difficult thinking is: "I am completely alone and have no one"------I am in that right now in the mist of it--terrible feeling--and one throws it on themselves and blames themselves after that blame the whole world and this goes on and on until they find peace....I hope this finding of peace is for everyone on this forum because this is what we want--peace in our hearts that will bring on happiness... priscella
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#7
Well, what I think we all want is not possible. We, well I, want things to be fair. I want society to work as I was taught and schooled. If you do this your reward will be this. If you do this your punishment will this. Hell, there are lots of laws and regulations. But, that's not how it works IRL. I will never get what I want. At first I was mad at others. I thought there sure are a lot of aholes around me. I just need to change the scenery. When that didn't work I looked inward and thought what is wrong with me.

I really want to find out. I think very logically. So I did many experiments. Then I realized, other then appearances, I was just fine. It IS that everybody else is an ahole. Ha! Ha! Most people don't use the same playbooks that we are all taught. But, I don't want to be a ruthless ahole while pretending to be nice on the outside like most. I don't cheat on others because I love them, want to honor them, or don't want to hurt their feelings. I don't cheat on others because I can't betray myself and my beliefs.

But, with others, personal and religious beliefs are about as strong as tissue paper. It's such BS that you are "allowed" to do any nasty thing you want and then you ask some religious conman in a robe to be forgiven. Then magically you are. There's no accountability in that. Most of society has lost accountability. The law, justice system, and government as a whole is just a big Fing thieving corrupt enterprise.

I find peace sometimes when I go exploring in nature. I'm thankful for that. But death will be my real peace. To the OP, I can't not express the HUGE amount of relief I felt after I purposely blowing the rest of my family off. They were not only mean to me but also to the ones I loved and died. I was the go between since I was a young child, carrying tons of quilt and frustration, while dealing with abuse and anger from them, until I decided to completely separate myself. It hit me like a brick wall. It was like everything stopped moving. Naturally, I started to feel guilty about the decision. But, I got angry and said no! I'm done feeling that way.
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#8
You make a lot of sense--good for you...nice posting...Thanks...priscella.
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