Dealing with Good Byes

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HappyYogi

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Sep 15, 2010
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I am triggered by the smallest change and good bye.   I can send me into a depression as I feel right now.

I have a neighbor.  A single woman around my age.   When I moved in two years ago we had chats and i enjoyed them. Then she got mad at me for being loud on the phone (my reception was poor so I had to yell).  I felt embarrassed after that and didn't engage.  I felt I couldn't trust her. 

I find out she is moving today.  Even though we aren't friends really, it triggered a deep sadness.  I feel a sense of loneliness and loss.  My heart literally ached.

I know this isn't logical. This is a good move for her. People move all the time. Change is life.

 I think it's the missed opportunity. Because I felt shamed I felt fear and no longer chatted with her.  I am not sure if we could have been friends, I just feel so sad.

I have so much to do this week, too. So I have to move on from this.

Any insite?
 
No insight. That sucks. If you think you might want to stay in touch with her then get a going away card and put it in her mailbox or wedge it in her door before she goes. Don't say too much. But include your contact information. Then let it be her choice to contact you or not.
 
You said you felt like she is untrustworthy and that's why you walked away from her. So, I don't understand why do you feel sad. I think you should trust your feelings. Maybe you would have problems with her if you were close to each other.
 
It might be that you're saying goodbye to a relationship that could have happened but isn't ever going to happen now.
You're saying goodbye to a missed opportunity. I can well understand how you can feel sad.
I've been in pretty much the same situation myself.

If something is over, let it go. However, an act of closure might be a gesture like a card or small gift wishing her good luck on her move.
 
Yeah Yogi, goodbyes can be tough.  I think the way you're breaking down your thinking on this is good, well done.  Keep at it.  Perhaps this isn't a full-on, lost relationship that needs a full-on grief but it seems like it's a little grief.  That's ok; my guess you've got that little bit of grief due to the size of your heart.
Hang in there and God speed.
 
Hi Everyone! I appreciate everyone's reply. I mentioned this to my sister and she says whenever she has over the top emotions compared to the situation it's a trigger from a past of being abandoned.

I think that is probably a good part of it. I think also the fact that I didn't get to know her more made me sad.

So the lesson I took from it, if you feel a pull to be friendly with someone, follow it! I wish I chit chatted with her more.

I am better now. I look over my window and see an empty place...and that makes me sad but I'll be OK.

I so appreciate all of your responses.
 

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