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Serenia

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Thought I might keep a log as such of thoughts as they come.

Ok so I'm not willing to relocate as I have dependants, nice and clear.  So why do other who have no wish to relocate also try and initiate something?  Is that not a waste of time, that's logical right?  I suppose some or most are bots.
 
Well, I will NOT relocate either. However, if a super hot perfect women absolutely wanted me I would move. Ha! ha! I think it's more about preferences not firm requirements. Everything is negotiable as they say. What if the perfect guy wanted you to move into his mansion and take care of you and your kids while you spend his money? That might change your mind. Besides everybody lies on dating profiles. Everybody says what they want to be not what they are. So, everybody has to base their decisions on the only facts possible, looks. If the pics are real that is. So, words are meaningless. I found that out by experimenting on dating sites using pics of others and drastically changing my profile. Pics were the only thing that mattered. If I had a good pic I would get a response saying they liked my profile. But,  They wouldn't even read it. In my profile I would say things like all women suck. It rarely got noticed. They just wanted to meet the hot guy in the pic. Ha! Ha!
 
I'm not on the sites, but if I was I'd be in a weird position.

I'm not crazy about anyone around here - anyone I've actually liked has always lived far away. I don't know if them being far away makes them more mysterious, or if different places have different types of people that we don't really have around here. But I don't want to leave either, because of family and friends.
 
Finished said:
Well, I will NOT relocate either. However, if a super hot perfect women absolutely wanted me I would move. Ha! ha! I think it's more about preferences not firm requirements. Everything is negotiable as they say. What if the perfect guy wanted you to move into his mansion and take care of you and your kids while you spend his money? That might change your mind. Besides everybody lies on dating profiles. Everybody says what they want to be not what they are. So, everybody has to base their decisions on the only facts possible, looks. If the pics are real that is. So, words are meaningless. I found that out by experimenting on dating sites using pics of others and drastically changing my profile. Pics were the only thing that mattered. If I had a good pic I would get a response saying they liked my profile. But,  They wouldn't even read it. In my profile I would say things like all women suck. It rarely got noticed. They just wanted to meet the hot guy in the pic. Ha! Ha


You see for me it is an absolute firm.  I would not move away.  I have friends here, my job and especially my children to consider.  My kids have family, friends here and school.  I would never unsettle them for my love life.  A guy asking him to live into his mansion and looking after me doesnt sound good, it would get old fast.  I have my own home and job and love it.  My kids welfare is my highest priority.  Moving in with someone would take years and my kids to want it too.  I have seen to many single parents move fast in relationships for fear of being alone and missing red flags.  They dont ask their kids if they are happy with someone they have met a few times if it's ok. The kids just get saddled with someone coming in their home and their routine gets up ended.  Alot of the kids have already most likely seen their parents relationship breakdown and are wary that they might see something happen like that again.  I have alot of acquaintances and seen it time again.  I have only seen one or two who did it right and it worked out.  Well I think I have just talked myself back of out of dating again until my kids are grown ha ha.  I mean what I say, and dont do the bs.  I am very clear what I want and I haven't lied on my profile  but that is who I am.


TheSkaFish said:
I'm not on the sites, but if I was I'd be in a weird position.

I'm not crazy about anyone around here - anyone I've actually liked has always lived far away.  I don't know if them being far away makes them more mysterious, or if different places have different types of people that we don't really have around here.  But I don't want to leave either, because of family and friends.


I get you Ska.  Maybe though when you say around you.  It is possible there might be someone a touch further away from where you live that has never fallen on your radar.  That is where the sites might be pick her up.  Anyway its good to chat, I hope you're well *hugs*.




Today's musing.  What is with the aggressive looking pics???  I get that some people have a natural resting ***** face and I suppose we all have that, and some people dont like smiling doesn't feel natural.  But..... some of the pics I have seen are men trying hard to look menacing or intimidating.  Is that a turn on for some women?  Definitely not for me, it's a massive turn off.  Is it the same as the duck pout women do for men?  Is that attractive to men?  And no I don't do that.
 
I'm not on dating sites either :D.But if I was and I met the woman I really wanted to have a long term relationship with I definitely would relocate and I don't care how far,but probably not another country.When I first met the Mrs down in London I knew she was the one after a couple of relationships that didn't work.I would travel majority two hours to see her after work and weekends what with traffic jams etc.When we married I moved along way from family and the few friends I had back then,but I'll never regret that...that's just me I suppose.But the pull of London and work I managed to get her to move,but I had done eight years living up her way five minutes from her parents so it was only fair.

If I had kids I agree it's there schools ,friends etc that come first for me so I wouldn't relocate.
 
Serenia said:
I have friends here, my job and especially my children to consider.  My kids have family, friends here and school.  I would never unsettle them for my love life.

I really commend you for making the well-being of your children your main priority.  That's the way it should be, I think.

Regarding the menacing/intimidating expressions, yeah, it's all part of the goofy facades people put on to impress the opposite sex.  It's somewhat more forgivable in younger folks, but it's always obnoxious, and a lot of people never "grow out of it."

On the general topic of relocating, I've done it before for a relationship and I would do it again, as I don't have children yet and I'm not particularly fond of my current location.  I do have a job that I like, but I would be willing to give it up and find another for the sake of a good relationship.
 
I would have been happy to relocate before having children. Might even being willing to relocate once the kids have flown the nest, if they ever do. That's a scary thought lol.


Alyosha said:
Serenia said:
I have friends here, my job and especially my children to consider.  My kids have family, friends here and school.  I would never unsettle them for my love life.

I really commend you for making the well-being of your children your main priority.  That's the way it should be, I think.

Regarding the menacing/intimidating expressions, yeah, it's all part of the goofy facades people put on to impress the opposite sex.  It's somewhat more forgivable in younger folks, but it's always obnoxious, and a lot of people never "grow out of it."

On the general topic of relocating, I've done it before for a relationship and I would do it again, as I don't have children yet and I'm not particularly fond of my current location.  I do have a job that I like, but I would be willing to give it up and find another for the sake of a good relationship.

Ha you know naively I never considered it being goofing around.  Makes more sense.  Some looks though are quite chilling to me, but that might be down to my own previous real life experiences of seeing those looks.
 
Serenia said:
Some looks though are quite chilling to me, but that might be down to my own previous real life experiences of seeing those looks.

I think most of those bozos unfortunately don't consider that their "menace" posturing might actually be disturbing to some people.
 
Alyosha said:
Serenia said:
Some looks though are quite chilling to me, but that might be down to my own previous real life experiences of seeing those looks.

I think most of those bozos unfortunately don't consider that their "menace" posturing might actually be disturbing to some people.

After further investigation into reading their bios, I declined to 'like' or send a message.


Today's musing. Why not fill the bio in? Maybe that is for the benefit of those going purely on looks alone? Even the pic-less ones had nothing or barely anything. Maybe they are there to snoop.


So far I have messaged three men that interest me and have similar values and interests. One without a pic. No response...ah well. I have had a number of messages. Some seem like bots. I have politely replied to those who haven't seemed to read my profile and wittered on. Out of the other two, one asked me if I'm horny and the other seems nice and on paper match well, but the conversation doesnt seem to be flowing well, I'll give it some time.
 
Serenia said:
Today's musing. Why not fill the bio in? Maybe that is for the benefit of those going purely on looks alone?

If the lugs themselves are interested only in looks and "fun" of the superficial sort, it might not even occur to them that others might want to learn about more than their appearances. Or they might just not have anything interesting about themselves to share. Or they might be hesitant to post much information about themselves on a website, which seems self-defeating. (I'd think that people need to be willing to "put themselves out there" to get much out of the process.)

Serenia said:
the other seems nice and on paper match well, but the conversation doesnt seem to be flowing well, I'll give it some time.

That guy needs to get his act together. Dull/awkward conversation can offset other positive elements pretty quickly.
 
What are you looking for? Nice guys typically fill out the bio and spell out a lot of stuff. They'll put in the effort. Pump and dumpers leave things blank. The absolutely bat honeysuckle crazy guys will nearly exactly mirror your bio. Ha! Ha!
 
So I deactivated my profile. I chatted to a few guys, but the conversation was stilted and no connection. Or they just asked if I was horny.
 
Serenia said:
So I deactivated my profile. I chatted to a few guys, but the conversation was stilted and no connection. Or they just asked if I was horny.

I think you were wise to flee from their foolishness.
 
Serenia said:
Thought I might keep a log as such of thoughts as they come.

Ok so I'm not willing to relocate as I have dependants, nice and clear.  So why do other who have no wish to relocate also try and initiate something?  Is that not a waste of time, that's logical right?  I suppose some or most are bots.
I actually saw an article the other day about people who work for dating sites, and their job sometimes includes having fake profiles just to message members and keep them around. So that's always a possibility.

When I was on a dating site I asked some of the guys why they were messaging me when they live hundreds of km away. Some said they would come and visit me (haha sure). One guy said it's because there are hardly any women online, too many males, so at least he's chatting with a female. I chatted with him sometimes because I liked that he was straightforward and honest, very refreshing.

Serenia said:
So I deactivated my profile.  I chatted to a few guys, but the conversation was stilted and no connection.  Or they just asked if I was horny.

I understand. Many guys on there think it's a numbers game, they just have to message as many women as possible, they think quantity above quality. Not all of them of course.
 
Myra said:
Serenia said:
Thought I might keep a log as such of thoughts as they come.

Ok so I'm not willing to relocate as I have dependants, nice and clear.  So why do other who have no wish to relocate also try and initiate something?  Is that not a waste of time, that's logical right?  I suppose some or most are bots.
I actually saw an article the other day about people who work for dating sites, and their job sometimes includes having fake profiles just to message members and keep them around. So that's always a possibility.

That makes sense in a very ruthless fashion from their perspective.  And it's awful and seems all too likely to happen often.
 
Serenia said:
I get you Ska.  Maybe though when you say around you.  It is possible there might be someone a touch further away from where you live that has never fallen on your radar.  That is where the sites might be pick her up.  Anyway its good to chat, I hope you're well *hugs*.

Yeah I mean, I don't know. You could be right. I used to browse OKCupid and POF when you could browse without having a profile, and I never really found anyone that stood out to me either physically, in terms of interests, or in terms of character - there was no one that made me say, "I want to know more about this person" or "I wish I could connect with this person, I wish I had this person in my life".

But then again, I never actually made a profile and joined the sites, or was really in a position to join for a couple reasons, so I didn't really give the sites a fair shake. I'll probably give them an honest try at least once when I can/if I need to/if nothing happens otherwise.

Thanks for the well wishes, I've been hanging in there. Good to see you're holding up too, especially with you working in the medical field during this crazy year. Stay safe out there! (hugs)




Serenia said:
Today's musing.  What is with the aggressive looking pics???  I get that some people have a natural resting ***** face and I suppose we all have that, and some people dont like smiling doesn't feel natural.  But..... some of the pics I have seen are men trying hard to look menacing or intimidating.  Is that a turn on for some women?  Definitely not for me, it's a massive turn off.  Is it the same as the duck pout women do for men?  Is that attractive to men?  And no I don't do that.

Haha. I'm glad to see you feel this way, these are exactly the kind of people that I don't feel like I can be, so I'm glad someone doesn't like them either. I don't see the point of being that way. That's what I've been saying from the beginning with people like this - their whole act has always seemed very try-hard, fake, and corny to me. I'm pretty sure most of those guys aren't as tough as they try to come across.

And yeah, I do think it's the equivalent of the duck pout face, but for guys.

Anyway that part gave me a chuckle! :D
 
Christ, I tried online dating not long ago. I think most guys here can relate, we are *rarely* spoilt for choice. We can be attractive, ugly, clever, dumb, funny, dry. It does not seem to matter, we're basically disposable when it comes to these apps. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't like to have 200 guys ask me if I'm horny but at least I would know they're concerned about my horniness levels.
Anyway, I got afew matches and I finally took a risk and talked to afew. One replied.

I won't go into specific details or give real names because I'm not an ******* but "Ellen" would not let anyone not completely agree with her about anything. I don't mean "disagree", I mean you were not allowed to do a moderate "Hm, I don't know. Let me think about that." on any subject. She was right, end of. Anyway, like I said; not spoilt for choice and I'm fairly tolerant so I tried to be compromising. Keep things stable, avoid controversial subjects, stay away from arguments. Alot of self-editing was involved.

You know what set her off the final time? She had a thing against doctors and compared them to some amazing vets she had met. You can already sense the part where I was desperately trying to bite my tongue can't you. But credit to me, I held back the rampant mockery that was so richly deserved and inoffensively joked "Well, to be fair, a vets patients can't really complain. :p" Boom. Done.
Anyway, I suppose my point is; in my experience it is borderline impossible to meet a stable, interested person on an online dating site. You know what I think? *Most* regulars on there are regulars for a reason and Ellen was certainly no exception. Its either to find "the perfect partner" or some kind of defect that drives partners away and keeps them moving on to the next.
But hey, I'm open to being wrong about anything... unlike "Ellen" who will undoubtedly have alot of cats at the age of 60.
 
I know at least two long-married couples who met on online dating sites, so it can happen.

But I have heard far more insane stories like the ones above, unfortunately.
 
The Wanderer said:
Christ, I tried online dating not long ago. I think most guys here can relate, we are *rarely* spoilt for choice. We can be attractive, ugly, clever, dumb, funny, dry. It does not seem to matter, we're basically disposable when it comes to these apps. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't like to have 200 guys ask me if I'm horny but at least I would know they're concerned about my horniness levels.
Anyway, I got afew matches and I finally took a risk and talked to afew. One replied.

I won't go into specific details or give real names because I'm not an ******* but "Ellen" would not let anyone not completely agree with her about anything. I don't mean "disagree", I mean you were not allowed to do a moderate "Hm, I don't know. Let me think about that." on any subject. She was right, end of. Anyway, like I said; not spoilt for choice and I'm fairly tolerant so I tried to be compromising. Keep things stable, avoid controversial subjects, stay away from arguments. Alot of self-editing was involved.

You know what set her off the final time? She had a thing against doctors and compared them to some amazing vets she had met. You can already sense the part where I was desperately trying to bite my tongue can't you. But credit to me, I held back the rampant mockery that was so richly deserved and inoffensively joked "Well, to be fair, a vets patients can't really complain. :p" Boom. Done.
Anyway, I suppose my point is; in my experience it is borderline impossible to meet a stable, interested person on an online dating site. You know what I think? *Most* regulars on there are regulars for a reason and Ellen was certainly no exception. Its either to find "the perfect partner" or some kind of defect that drives partners away and keeps them moving on to the next.
But hey, I'm open to being wrong about anything... unlike "Ellen" who will undoubtedly have alot of cats at the age of 60.

I've had similar experiences on reddit (where they contacted me). Women with obvious personality disorders  spitting the dummy the moment I didn't mirror their thoughts perfectly. It couldn't have been more clear as to why they were alone. "Ellen" would have become an abusive control freak had you the misfortune of getting any closer.
 

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