Past mistakes

I made some bad choices in my past and they continue to affect me. People still see me in a negative way and it has affected my reputation. I am unable to make friends within my community and wherever I go, people give me the cold shoulder.

I am having to go to a wedding and those same people will be there. 2 years ago I went and the same people were there and it affected me quite a bit.

How do I cope with this? I was thinking of being overly aggressive and saying something but that would make me look immature. If I ignore them, that would help, but its easier said than done. Actually ignoring people who in turn ignore you is hard. Any suggestions?

Let me ask you this. Why do you care what they think? Why is it so important that they accept you?
These people have already proven time and time again that they don't like you. Were you ever close to these people? If you were, I can understand where you are coming from, but I think you already know what the right thing to do is. It doesn't matter what they think about you because they don't know you anymore. If they can't look beyond their own petty judgments and see that you have changed, they aren't worth YOUR time.
Rise above and be courteous and civil. If you are immature, they will never see. If you ignore them, it will help you, but again, they won't see anything has changed. If you talk to people, even to just say "hi, nice to see you" some might start looking at you and seeing something other than your past. We all have pasts, we all made mistakes. What's important is that you learned from them and you aren't that person anymore. Just remember that.

Are the things you've done, things that you can make amends for? You can only clean up your side of the street. If you can apologize for some things, do it. And if that doesn't help your situation with these people, that's on them.

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Also, forgive yourself and cut yourself some slack.

I made some mistakes in the past that ruined my reputation amongst my friends.
What I did was: I moved away from them entirely and built new relationships, made new friends elsewhere.
I know it sounds like a cop-out, but it did work for me.

^ Sounds like an improvement not a mistake. People tend to become who they hang around with. That's why recovering drug attics aren't supposed to go back home to recover.

Ignoring is hard to do but probably the best option. If u say something they will know that u are hurting and it will make them happy. It's best not to let them win. That's easier said than done . Hopefully the wedding won't be too bad.

Hope u can make friends eventually one day. Being alone is very hard to deal with and overwhelming. I know it 's not easy to. People should not judge on past mistakes but most do sadly. At least u came to the right forum. Many lonely people here .

delta000 said:

I made some bad choices in my past and they continue to affect me. People still see me in a negative way and it has affected my reputation. I am unable to make friends within my community and wherever I go, people give me the cold shoulder.

I am having to go to a wedding and those same people will be there. 2 years ago I went and the same people were there and it affected me quite a bit.

How do I cope with this? I was thinking of being overly aggressive and saying something but that would make me look immature. If I ignore them, that would help, but its easier said than done. Actually ignoring people who in turn ignore you is hard. Any suggestions?

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I'm working on this right now, my self-esteem and trying to boost myself up. I know sometimes it's hard, but people will always judge. If they give you a hard time, I think your best bet is to ignore them and not let their opinions matter to you. It's easier said than done though. We all do things we are not proud of and sometimes people can't seem to forget about them. Just go to the wedding, to have a good time and if they give you the cold shoulder, keep walking and do something else.

It sounds like you're in a pretty unforgiving community, but it's hard to say completely without knowing the entire story (which is of course only your choice to reveal). Many people make mistakes and alienate people, sometimes even without knowing. Moving on, finding a new community, or just some people who can accept your past actions would do you best. Just be yourself and try not to worry about the judgments of others.

delta000 said:

I made some bad choices in my past and they continue to affect me. People still see me in a negative way and it has affected my reputation. I am unable to make friends within my community and wherever I go, people give me the cold shoulder.

I am having to go to a wedding and those same people will be there. 2 years ago I went and the same people were there and it affected me quite a bit.

How do I cope with this? I was thinking of being overly aggressive and saying something but that would make me look immature. If I ignore them, that would help, but its easier said than done. Actually ignoring people who in turn ignore you is hard. Any suggestions?

Click to expand...

I can relate to this a lot.

I supposed it completely depends on how you value these people. Personally I find it easy to ignore or keep distance from people who I don't value much, it sounds harsh and maybe a bit selfish but it's just how I cope with those types of situations.

If they don't believe you deserve a second chance then it'll show in how they act, and if they cant be civil then it's more of a reason not to waste your time. Keep reminding yourself that.

I think that if someone is holding something against you that you did years ago then that person is being unfair and therefore isn't worth worrying about.

Made many of them ://