jasonking said:
I am 56 yo, and single, I experience loneliness. I am unsure how to address this. Does anyone have any ideas?
I find one problem is my family background is not good, and that during my lifetime has been a significant issue. I find a lot of people seem to have families and that is their main focus.
It seems to me that social values are narrowly defined and anyone not fitting into that narrowness is left out of social acceptance. Also I see people who have families, seem to endlessly refer to their families and also they get economic benefit from their family circumstances.
Never compare your circumstances to those of others, because that will only make you miserable. Life is not fair, period. Accept it. Some of us were dealt worse cards than others. None of us chose to be here. We just have to use whatever we have to create some occasional moments of happiness. Looking at what those around us who have more than us have doesn't contribute to happiness in any way. What counts is what you have in your own life and not what others have.
(Btw, married people with their nuclear families are miserable too. But they can't walk away from it without social, financial and sometimes psychological repercussions, so they pretend they are fine and even happy with that lifestyle haha. If they have not much else to talk about it's because they barely have time for anything else.)
I found some of the other posts uplifting - people saying basically me too. But yours seems to basically be saying - they are miserable but hiding it, and attacking life. I did not find that helpful. It is more than a nuclear family, it is social acceptance.
What I have seen is that some people get a lot of help, eg a private school education, help buying houses, and they socially are enabled. Others get almost no help. Many end up in prison, or taking routes out of life; some disadvantaged people just drop out of mainstream life and end up dying young, drugged out somewhere, or just beaten up.
I think we have to accept who we are. But part of that means accepting that we have disadvantage. As an analogy, think we are all stranded on islands and then told to get free, but some people get boats, some get satellite phones, some key some survivial kits, and then some get nothing. All have the same challenge but for some the answer is starting a boat engine and cruising, others it is dialling a phone number, others it is using a kit and waiting; and for others they have to find water, food, and then wait for rescue.
Also we hear of the self-made man, and simple investigation shows he started with 500,000 dollars from his family and then was self-made. I have heard a 1000 times, that anything is possible, just work hard - said by people who have never worked. I said to one rich guy, you are rich with a big house, three bathrooms, and a big drive way. He replied saying - everyone has that.
Loneliness is definitely a serious condition. The mind needs comfort. Loneliness can mean isolation. Think loneliness is used to punish people in prison, it has been worked out by professionals that it hurts and is used accordingly.