I’m a mess, but trying to get better

Welcome to the forum!

Sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds very difficult. Also, it's not all that unusual. There are many spouses who feel alone and very lonely. Some choose staying in that situation as to them it's better then being on their own. Finding anybody else, either a friend or a significant other, after about age 40 is very difficult unless there is something especially attractive about you. Is your marriage over? Would you prefer to forego your opinions and side with your wife or be on your own? It sounds like you have time to make such a decision.

Welcome to the forums. Look around and make yourself at home.

When I was depressed, I would welcome the chance to listen and help other people. It made me stop focusing on my own misery for a while and it helped. Don't rule out talking to your friend, everyone has issues and deserves someone to talk to.

Finished said:

Welcome to the forum!

Sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds very difficult. Also, it's not all that unusual. There are many spouses who feel alone and very lonely. Some choose staying in that situation as to them it's better then being on their own. Finding anybody else, either a friend or a significant other, after about age 40 is very difficult unless there is something especially attractive about you. Is your marriage over? Would you prefer to forego your opinions and side with your wife or be on your own? It sounds like you have time to make such a decision.

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I am talking with a divorce lawyer this week. I have tried talking to her and to me she doesn't care to compromise. As for my friend, when I do chat with him, lately he seems he has a million different things on his mind. I feel if I talk to him about my issues, it would make things worse for him and not better. I don't want to follow this path of loneliness anymore. I want to able to enjoy life and hopefully find someone to share it with.

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Minus said:

Welcome to the forums.  Look around and make yourself at home.

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Thanks Minus. I will do that.

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TheRealCallie said:

When I was depressed, I would welcome the chance to listen and help other people.  It made me stop focusing on my own misery for a while and it helped. Don't rule out talking to your friend, everyone has issues and deserves someone to talk to.

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I'm going to follow your suggestion in helping other people to see if that helps. As for my friend. I'm not going to bother him with my issues at this time. I feel he has a lot on his mind and I don't want it to make it worse for him. I want to see him get better. Maybe at a later time when things are better for him, I will try to talk to him.

Dupbear, TheRealCallie has given sound advice I'd like to elaborate on - to focus outside on others rather than inside on yourself.  If more people would do this the whole world would be a more loving, better place, wouldn't it, and people would realize more productive, satisfying lives in the process.  But how can you best do this?  Coming to this website is one easy, convenient way to seek people to reach out to, but I'd suggest an even more effective way.

If you aren't active in a good church, then you're missing abundant opportunities for important social interaction.  You want a Christian church that's large enough to have several small groups and an active community outreach program.  In that environment, engaging people will be more fun, interesting, and rewarding for both you and the others you ultimately reach out to.
 
There are many ways to help you through life's challenging times.  The church is the best place to find people who have needs like you, as well as a desire to help others.  It's a win win for everyone.

Heres a good song you ought to listen to:

Hello, I just recently stumbled upon this place myself (and I haven't even introduced myself yet). In any case, I hope that your situation gets better. I found myself in a failing marriage years ago and once it was over my life started again and things became much, much better. I wouldn't worry too much about your age. I know plenty of people over 40 and 50 who have met new life partners after their previous lives drizzled away. It can happen. Nonetheless, based on what I'm reading, it sounds like you're making the right moves.