I can't take this anyone, things change or I will end it.

I have been without friends for almost 10 years now. I'm a sophomore (2nd) year in college without any. During freshman year I was hit with social anxiety, and became a very anti-social person. I could do nothing about it as it was rather out of my control. This year I was hoping for things to change but it hasn't. I am seriously question my point of existence on this earth. It like no one ever want to be my friend, maybe I'm too ugly lol, maybe I appear unfriendly, maybe I intimidate people, maybe everyone assume I have friends already, maybe I'm curse, maybe cause I'm not your typical Asian dude, maybe this and maybe that, but at the end what is the answer? I just don't know, i have done everything to try to meet people, yet I am always the one looking outside, the one no one want to befriend with, the one that people know but don't really matter, the one that probably gonna end it all soon.

I'm pathetic.

You're not pathetic mate, it's just shitty circumstances.

Your not pathetic. Your just feeling down. Have you even tried to get in touch with a concealer? I still don't see what you have to lose by doing that. Better then ending it all. whats the point of that then? So you can hurt the ppl around you. Cos whither or not you think they well be hurt I am sure they well be. And you could end up finding your self looking down from the other side and even feeling the pain that you left behind and there well be fresia all you can do about it. Make a decision like that and there is no reversing it.

Go look at this

You are perfectly fine and there is nothing wrong with the way you look. You are just like me was like me, you just have to learn to like your self. Stop looking at all the bad things and start looking at how you can make the good things great things.

No way are you pathetic Chris, RobertJW is right it's just shitty circumstances.

RobertJW said:

You're not pathetic mate, it's just shitty circumstances.

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Thank you man, but all my life I been in shitty circumstances. My worst enemy now is "time" because everyday life past me by. For example, at the start of school there were a lot of lonely people, and a month in, it seem most if not all have make some sort of friends already. I don't think I'm bad looking, and I'm certainly not a nerd or even shy, but yet I have no one.

What do I do with my shitty circumstances?

You also don't see what I lose from living either? Bluey I know I'm not ugly, that why I put the word "lol" but hurting or not, I have to admit the truth, and that is I'm alone. It seem every decision I make no matter how much I think it through is a bad choice. I try so hard to be myself around other people, I try my best to be friendly, I try my best to pretend to be happy even when I'm severely depress and desperate, and yet confidence really don't mean jack at least in my case, it ain't happening, I ain't gonna have friends, and maybe it not me, but what can I do about it. People online tell me be patience and let the opportunity come to you, well so far none of that work. Being patience is good and all but not when u went through freshman year alone, that is 1 year of patience I have already waited.

I just don't know what to do, where to go, who to talk to, my counselor just doesn't do it for me. I guess despite what I look like, how nice I dress, I can never be like everyone else.

I need friends and I'm dying because of it.

Chris 2 said:

I just don't know, i have done everything to try to meet people, yet I am always the one looking outside, the one no one want to befriend with, the one that people know but don't really matter, the one that probably gonna end it all soon.

I'm pathetic.

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As a fellow member of the "I Don't Know What the Hell People Want" club, I think I understand a little of your frustration. I don't know you that well, so I won't pretend to understand all of what's going on.

As far as being pathetic....EVERYONE is pathetic to a certain extent. Most of us don't hold the key to ultimate knowledge or understanding of the mechanics of a happy existence. Most people either luck into it or figure out a happy medium where they can move about their daily life with a certain degree of normality.

I'm doing my best, but I still have days when I think there is no hope and no future. I worry constantly about growing old with no one around me...but in the back of my mind I always try to remember that there's ALWAYS tomorrow. There's lots of tomorrows and lots of opportunities, even if you can't see past today.

Hopefully I made some kind of sense up there.

The only advice anyone can give you is to hang tight mate. It is invariably hard dealing with loneliness but every so often someone will give you half a look, at least in my experience.

You have to overcome to anxiety and take all those little chances. I really wish you all the best, and I know it's not the same, but there are people here who obviously care about your well being.

If we want to take the time, others will too. You have to bite the bullet.

Satyr summed it up well, simply put- there's always tomorrow. In my experience there's always people who feel the same as you (like here, of course), so maybe you are just lucking out with the people you chat to. Some people are wankers after all lol.

Seriousely....that's why i don't take myself too seriouse.
Becuase I'm my own worst enemy. For some stupid reason my brain wants to kill my ass.
I've read many books about this malfuntion or normality a human brian might have.

It's difficult sometimes to not react to our emotions or negative thoughts.
That's why I promise myself i won't make major decisions for a couple of years...
Not in my current mental or emotional state of being.
I'm not well to be enough to be making seriouse decisions.

Can you try seeking professional help or see a doctor ?
Please don't be ashame. A lot of people seek professional help for anxeity or depression.

It's difficult to break cycles or ruts. And it dosn't happen overnite.
You're making progress. You don't think you're a creep anymore.
It's been less than 2 months since I've signed up to this site...and i can see progress your making.
2 months is relativily overnite.

I'm forcing myself to be more positive about life NO MATTER WHAT.
It's a pain in the ass too...it's like I'm going against grain.
I have to dicipline my mind or over ride my emotions...I'm not saying my emotions dosn't matter.
It's just my emotions generates other crazy thoughts.
My mind or thinking patterns hasn't been so healthy.
Every freaken day...I'm making myself do this. it's helping me...
I'm taking back my mind and life....I'm the master,**** it. Not my mind.
i can feel the changes already, as slight or little as they might be...I can feel it.
It's my little experiment....becuase before i pull the trigger. I have to be able to say
I tried everything. Until I've tried everything...I'm not giving up.
Your conselor is correct too....nobody can do this crap for me. It's like a **** full time job sometimes.

That how the roman empire was built...freaken brick by brick. If that's what it takes then that's what it takes
to change my god **** world or life.
A grain of happiness everyday= a mountain of happiness in a life time.

Travel the best way to make friends.

Chris 2 said:

You also don't see what I lose from living either? Bluey I know I'm not ugly, that why I put the word "lol" but hurting or not, I have to admit the truth, and that is I'm alone. It seem every decision I make no matter how much I think it through is a bad choice. I try so hard to be myself around other people, I try my best to be friendly, I try my best to pretend to be happy even when I'm severely depress and desperate, and yet confidence really don't mean jack at least in my case, it ain't happening, I ain't gonna have friends, and maybe it not me, but what can I do about it. People online tell me be patience and let the opportunity come to you, well so far none of that work. Being patience is good and all but not when u went through freshman year alone, that is 1 year of patience I have already waited.

I just don't know what to do, where to go, who to talk to, my counselor just doesn't do it for me. I guess despite what I look like, how nice I dress, I can never be like everyone else.

I need friends and I'm dying because of it.

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I understand what your saying, I really do. IDK mate. I suppose all you can do is carry on being the best person you can. Tis all any of us can do. Just hope that something good comes our way. Everyone gets good things come there way eventrually.

I know what you mean about the counseling as well. I don't think that would do me much good ether.

Cool pick of you BTW. Am glad you know your not ugly. That's an improvement to what you had said But I suppose what I say wont make much difference. Maybe one of this days you get a hot check all over you I think that would make a difference. Well every day that your out there that well give you one moor chance of that happening.

Try and not let being alone get to you to much mate. I know its hard. As am seat here now am alone, again. most nights I am. And days. But you only got one life. You gonna do that with a smile on your face and make the best out of it or the other way? I know what I prefer. OK I ent got a perfect life. But right now I am full and worm and am feeling healthy a nuff. Life ent that long dude. The days may be long but the years are not. It well be over all in good time anyway. Know what I mean.

I think you're a very intelligent and insightful person Chris. I feel awful that you feel that way. But I understand what you mean. I feel the same way too. Like people are talking to you, but they aren't really connecting with you.

Your avatar looks the spitting image of my brother, lol. I'm very close to my brother too. =)

Chris 2 said:

RobertJW said:

You're not pathetic mate, it's just shitty circumstances.

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Thank you man, but all my life I been in shitty circumstances. My worst enemy now is "time" because everyday life past me by.

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How old are you mate?

I assume you are in your teens or maybe very early 20's?

If so you have nowt to flap about - I had my first proper relationship at age 24. You have a lot of time.
Its when you're old and alone like me you have to worry

I had trouble making friends in school too (I moved around alot).
Anyways what are you goign to school for?
I think I made friends at school with my lab partners. I was pretty good in my classes so I helped them out with hw and reviewing and stuff and we started hanging out and stuff. I dont think that really happened untill like my sophmore year at school aswell.

If you ever get bored and just feeling like talking to someone send me a pm, or you can talk to me on msn (under my profile)

Btw, what are your interests mate?
Play any games online, draw, run?