Im ready to leave this earth

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LonelyBurner

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[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]Growing up [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]my family they treated me like absolute garbage. My father was a felon and my mom got over on people every chance s[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]he could[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]. The rest of my family [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]would always take their [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]anger out on me for the things they did to them. Everybody lets go to the park except you, everybody[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] lets eats except you.[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I never had friends because my mother was always getting over on people and changed[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] locations often. [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I never stayed in one place for too long to get comfortable. The only people I was left to associate with [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]was my best friend, the only person who sticked around even though I told him to leave its not worth it being friends with me, my grandma and my little sister. Recently my [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]grandma just got out of the hospital with serious dementia and acts like she doesnt know anything and looks for aliens, [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]my younger sister is going through those teenage phases where she doesnt want to speak to me anymore since its uncool and m[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]y best friend had a few kids and hes constantly busy. Just[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] like that everyones out of my life. I have a problem keeping relationships with other people because I think im going to leave and never see them again or their going to leave me . And no no [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]therapist takes me seriously. My skin constantly hurts, my mother is off the rocker with her psych meds and needs me to take care of her[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif], my sisters constantly trash her place and refuse to help her[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif], cavity pain, knee pain, neuropathy, skin pain, WHY AM I HERE STILL? I see people complain everyday and I would [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]switch places with them in a heartbeat. I would gladly take their problems. I would question why god abandoned me but im happier with thinking he doesnt exist. Because if he does I want him to know he pics favorites and id stop at nothing to make him fall. [/font]
 
I am very sorry for the way that you are feeling. I know that there aren't words that can take that away, but I hope you know you are valued and wanted.
 
I can see your are disappointed by others and under a lot of pressure. But remember, we don't have control over what other people do/feel or how do they act upon us. We can only accept it or not. Its nice that you still try to take care of your mother. But also, I know its a great burden. I've been taking care of my dying mother until she one day decided to kill herself.. Also, like in your case, my best friend got kids and he doesn't even call anymore. Everything collapsed. But, I guess these things are not uncommon when you get older. Most people start to lose friends due to family obligations and work.

I understand you probably feel lonely in the situation you are in right now. But I bet there are many other people living through similar situations and its just a matter of time until you meet some of them and find the support and understanding you really need. Good luck!
 
Well, it sounds like a really Fd up scenario. My advice is to make a plan on how to leave it. But, don't leave this earth. Just leave the crappy situation you are in now. This is your life and you need to take care of yourself. Focus on yourself and what you enjoy doing. You can control that. You sound way too young to be burdened. You should be having fun. Learn to just say no.
 
I don't have any advice, but I wanted you to know that I read this, and I feel for you. I hope the very best for you. It sounds like you have already had a lifetime worth of hard times, and you don't deserve anymore.
 
That all sounds very rough and I'm sorry for what you're going through. You're correct that a lot of people lack perspective on their problems, lose sight of the big picture and complain about things that seem like trifles to others. Life throws us into situations that we had no opportunity to choose. We only have a degree of control over how we react to these circumstances. Medical problems and persistent pain are really rough to deal with, especially on top of what sounds like a dysfunctional family situation. I don't know the details of your specific situation, your age or anything else, but try to find healthy coping mechanisms and distractions and take inspiration from those who have coped. Also, why do you think therapists don't take you seriously? How many have you seen?
 
Hi.  You sound young, I would guess teens maybe early 20's, but I'm thinking more teen.  I can tell you that your situation is not that uncommon, unfortunately.  Many teens are being the parent in the home or taking care of the parent.  That doesn't make it right, but there are others who are going through the same.  Some teens tell me that their parents are so overwhelmed with their own situation or the younger kids, that they are left to fend for themselves.  They tell me "he/she doesn't have time for me" or "I don't want to bother them".  And in some cases, that's true.  Please don't push any friend away.  Good friends are hard to find at any age, so hang onto your best friend.  If you are ever feeling suicidal or very down, please call the National Suicide Prevention.  They are there to help you and listen to you.  You are going through a rough PHASE in life, some phases last long and other short.  I can't tell your timeline.  Please don't be rash with anything major or harming yourself.  One day you WILL be out of this phase and things will be different.  Don't blame God.  We are told that there will be trail and tribulation.  Maybe this is yours, I don't know.  Your faith is what can carry you through this.  Believe me, He does hear your prayers and he does care and love you.  If you can find counseling, please seek it out (there are some free services in a lot of areas, please look into it or call 211 and ask).  Also, talk to your doctor to see if you suffer from depression, there are things that can help.  Best of luck.
 
LonelyBurner, the last post from Beth1025 is wise council you should consider. Allow me to add a bit to it.

Many people, my own brother included, reject God when insurmountable problems arise.  Whether it's a denial of his existence or an angry retaliation against him, the evidence for God's presence does not change, nor his love and empathy for us.  In truth, we're much better off seeking him and his help than trying to go it alone.  There are numerous examples of this in real life - sad stories of people who destroy their lives with alcohol or drugs when hard times hit, versus uplifting stories of people who turn to God during adversity and come out stronger and better for it.  In fact, it is the latter group that books, movies, and YouTube testimonies are often made, providing encouragement for all of us.
 
As famous author/pastor Rick Warren says, understand that God is more concerned with your character than your comfort.  No one here would minimize your feelings of pain and frustration, but consider that God is trying to shape and grow you into the better, stronger person you're intended be.  Much of that entails learning how to love others, including those that aren't so loving themselves.  Don't be worrying or asking why so many things around you seem wrong, but be asking God how he wants you to pass through the difficulties.  Whether this is a short phase to be worked through or a life long sentence of disappointment and failure depends on how you respond to the challenges.  God promises to help.  You need only to seek his guidance.

Here are two meaningful music videos applicable for you.  You might give them a listen.

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