Fay F
Well-known member
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2021
- Messages
- 79
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Hi everyone,
A question for those in marriages/long-term relationships.
Is me wanting time alone every day a bad thing? I've been married for nearly 16 years and used to dote on my husband. He used to work and I stayed home, kept the house, did the shopping, pet care and when he came home he always had a good meal ready and we'd spend the evenings together.
He stopped working after some time and I tried to keep up what I was doing for the relationship. I'm retired but he's younger than me and can definitely rejoin the workforce. we are living off my pension.
Over the years, being home with him all of the time has been difficult. I've noticed I'm resenting him for little things, like leaving dirty dishes in the sink for me to wash, or throwing his dirty clothes on the floor for me to pick up.
I feel like I taught him that I will be his slave. I asked him politely many times not to do this or that, but I'm being told I'm nagging now.
We had a big fight and everything came out last fall. I left for a week and when I returned we agreed to the new house rules. Since he was no longer financially providing, he agreed to 50-50 house chores.
It's more like I do 75%, he does 25%. But I can't ask for more because he gets angry.
He said he resented me for leaving for a week and that distance "doesn't do it" for him, that it only makes him feel further away from me.
I told him that week rejuvenated me and made me want to stay in the marriage, but that I needed more time alone.
So as usual, I gave in to him and spend as much time as possible with him. I love to draw and paint and do arts and crafts. I've put those things aside a lot of the time to spend time with him.
I should be loving spending time with my husband but I resent it, and I've been impatient and snappy with him.
I told him I need more time alone and he keeps dismissing it as "destructive to the relationship" - maybe it is, but right now, I am starting to not want to be around him.
I feel like he's not supporting me at all. One day I was drawing and I was really concentrating, and he talked and talked...thinking out loud, like a constant narration and it was so annoying that I messed up my artwork. At that point, I gave up. I feel like he did that on purpose.
He says I'm selfish to want to spend time alone. I'm just worn out by the relationship right now...any advice? Am I selfish? Should I not need time alone?
Just a note: I've been speaking with a social worker (can't afford a therapist), and she keeps pushing me to leave the marriage and pursue what makes me happy. My husband, my relationship and the life we've built makes me happy, but lately in small doses. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong.
Thanks,
Fay
A question for those in marriages/long-term relationships.
Is me wanting time alone every day a bad thing? I've been married for nearly 16 years and used to dote on my husband. He used to work and I stayed home, kept the house, did the shopping, pet care and when he came home he always had a good meal ready and we'd spend the evenings together.
He stopped working after some time and I tried to keep up what I was doing for the relationship. I'm retired but he's younger than me and can definitely rejoin the workforce. we are living off my pension.
Over the years, being home with him all of the time has been difficult. I've noticed I'm resenting him for little things, like leaving dirty dishes in the sink for me to wash, or throwing his dirty clothes on the floor for me to pick up.
I feel like I taught him that I will be his slave. I asked him politely many times not to do this or that, but I'm being told I'm nagging now.
We had a big fight and everything came out last fall. I left for a week and when I returned we agreed to the new house rules. Since he was no longer financially providing, he agreed to 50-50 house chores.
It's more like I do 75%, he does 25%. But I can't ask for more because he gets angry.
He said he resented me for leaving for a week and that distance "doesn't do it" for him, that it only makes him feel further away from me.
I told him that week rejuvenated me and made me want to stay in the marriage, but that I needed more time alone.
So as usual, I gave in to him and spend as much time as possible with him. I love to draw and paint and do arts and crafts. I've put those things aside a lot of the time to spend time with him.
I should be loving spending time with my husband but I resent it, and I've been impatient and snappy with him.
I told him I need more time alone and he keeps dismissing it as "destructive to the relationship" - maybe it is, but right now, I am starting to not want to be around him.
I feel like he's not supporting me at all. One day I was drawing and I was really concentrating, and he talked and talked...thinking out loud, like a constant narration and it was so annoying that I messed up my artwork. At that point, I gave up. I feel like he did that on purpose.
He says I'm selfish to want to spend time alone. I'm just worn out by the relationship right now...any advice? Am I selfish? Should I not need time alone?
Just a note: I've been speaking with a social worker (can't afford a therapist), and she keeps pushing me to leave the marriage and pursue what makes me happy. My husband, my relationship and the life we've built makes me happy, but lately in small doses. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong.
Thanks,
Fay