Achievable??

ztyu123 said:

I am a caretaker for an elderly family member (mother) plus I am juggling a relationship in which my partner feels slighted and resentful that we aren’t able to spend much time together due to me taking care of my family member 24/7, and also due to Covid. My partner doesn’t understand or cares not to try. well they say that they understand that my family member comes and the pandemic has limited interactions but they often express their unhappiness with the situation. Should I breakup with them because I believe that an achievable successful, prosperous relationship can happen still in the dynamic , and they’re unsure of it? I give up my moments of solitude and free time which may vary from a half an hour to an 2 hour each day to see them, but they feel it isn’t enough and are feeling unwanted and unsettled. Should I just not date anyone due to my situation, until it improves? Everyone that I’ve ever dated has had a problem with it. Maybe they just weren’t right for me? Can a successful relationship be achieved while being a caregiver

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A prosperous relationship can still happen, but both of you need to put effort into making it happen.  It's not unreasonable for your partner to want a little more time. 
It's not really much different than having kids.  You NEED to make time for the relationship, it can't just be about the kids/mother.  Just like you can hire a babysitter to take care of kids, you can find someone to take care of your mom for a night.  Do you have any family or friends that could help out? 
I'm not saying either of you are in the wrong because I don't know the true situation, but I'd wager there are things both of you could be doing to understand more and make more time. But jumping to "should I get dump them?" kind of says a lot about the relationship.

I'm 40 years old and live with my mother who's 89 that I am a caregiver for just about 24/7. She has high blood pressure, a pacemaker, prone to epileptic seizures, memory retention problems (due to epileptic seizures, which severed her median nerve some 2018), her equilibrium is off as well sometimes she walks with a cane, all together she is just slowing down due to age. My once extremely active mother is an unrecognizable shell of herself and I'm sure that she suffers from a deep depression because of it. Due to everything going on with her, she often lashes out at me and is verbally abusive at times (in which i don't take it personally because it's due to her depression geared towards her life changing drastically) I do the best i can to ensure the rest of her days are spent as comfortably as possible. i cook, i clean, i run errands, I manage finances, I help her often with filling out paperwork, basically I help her with whatever i can. Before entering my current relationsh
ip, we both had several conversations about what my life entailed, and he kept reassuring me that he understood and also wanted to become long term with me and he could see marriage in the future. He told me that he would be there for me and help me in any way that he could. That he didn't mind and understood the responsibilities and challenges of being solely responsible for the well being of another as he is a father. We came to the conclusion that we would just do our best to incorporate and come to some peace about these things to have a hopefully prosperous relationship. We have been dating 6 months. We were seeing each other everyday for about an hour or two a day, but we would communicate via phone for most of the remaining day. Lately he seems to have developed a selfish or "entitlement" feeling/phase. I feel like he wishes that my mother wasn't a factor so that we could marry and start a life together. he has been feeling slighted. Lately he'll make insensitive marks
and doesn't honor or cherish the time we do spend together. It's always wishing that he had more time with me. . Like right after we spend time together instead of the usual text saying he enjoyed our time together and can't wait to see me again.. He's been asking me how long is "this" going to continue? Bare in mind he has a small child that he takes care of on a bi-weekly basis in which during that time we don't see each other, we just communicate via phone, and he often apologizes for the absence. i always assure him that there's nothing to apologize for, and also not to ever apologize for being a father to his child. I feel as though if he wanted for us to spend more time together and grow more in our relationship, he could offer to come into my home and spend time with my mom and i, or help around the house . Even simple things like dishes, cleaning, washing clothes a little to help me. i could probably see if i could get outdoors and do the occasional activity with him ever
y once in a while. I am also physically "impaired". I have congential heart malformation with leaky heart valves, heart murmurs that often make me fatigued and the simplest tasks take a lot of energy from me. In the mist of everything else, i also care for my dog. I feel like a relationship as a caregiver is achievable, with the right partner. i feel like maybe he isn't the right person to have something long term with. He's already complaining lately about everything and it's been 6 months.. Challenges, life circumstances and situations can easily arise at any point. I feel like he is a "bailer out" and a runner when things get difficult. this screams short term for me. Am I overreacting?? Am I wrong??

^ People tend to show their true colors during difficult times. Listen to your little voice. The most important thing to do in your situation is to take care of yourself first, then your mother, then yourself, and then if you still really feel like it, the guy that is being a drain on you.

I am one to talk, but I think there are red flags with his behaviour and you should not ignore them. I agree that people show their true colours during tough times. Maybe he needs to be in a relationship with someone who can give him more time. I think it's very noble that you are taking care of your mom 24/7 and a dog to boot. I have many pets and one of my dogs is entering the last stages of her life and I'm spending lots of time taking care of her. My husband refuses to help out and I see similarities in attitude with your current boyfriend. If your priority is your mom, your dog and your health, there isn't much room left for him.

I'm not telling you what to do but I'll share something with you. For about 7 years, I had two very old dogs that needed my constant care due to various illnesses they suffered, also one was blind and one was deaf. They were my priority and I didn't date at all those 7 years because I knew I couldn't give much of myself to others. When they passed away, after I grieved, I started to date. It's a personal choice. But I'm sure there would have been a man out there during those 7 years who would have been understanding of my situation, I just didn't bother to look.