I wonder where it all went wrong. (Just a vent).

How did I reach this age (33), without finding someone who wants to be with me? Some people (probably most people) manage to stumble in and out of relationships seemingly without even thinking about it, and I can't understand how it even happens.

I often wonder where exactly it all went wrong. Did I miss the class on "how to attract a woman" that everyone else took or something? It sure feels that way.

Forgottendanfan said:

How did I reach this age (33), without finding someone who wants to be with me? Some people (probably most people) manage to stumble in and out of relationships seemingly without even thinking about it, and I can't understand how it even happens.

I often wonder where exactly it all went wrong. Did I miss the class on "how to attract a woman" that everyone else took or something? It sure feels that way.

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Though you may say it's not the same as i was in relationships once(and it's not), I feel similar. The only thing that helped me that time, I was young and just because "everybody has" was agreed to date with almost any guy. Now I think it's deadend strategy. And it was many years ago.

Bet there was also a class "how to attract a man", I missed it too. I guess if there were the lessons "Were do people meet", "Dropping a hint you don't mind", "How to recognize the signals"?

Or may be just my looks don't fit the requirments(or perosnality, but as far as I have some friends, guess it's not the reason).

Yeah, I'm 31 and in the exact same position as you. Dating and mating is the most bleak spot in my life. Sometimes, I get this sudden urge to give it another go but the modern day dating scene is quite literally too humiliating and intense for that urge to turn into genuine action.

The thing that scares me the most though is how quick my teen years and 20s vanished and I'm guessing my 30s will mirror that. Before I know it, I'll probably be 50 still doing the same old crap in the same old apartment and ofc, perpetually single

The sad thing is there only starts to be parity in the dating scene at the point where you're both so old it doesn't matter any more. It's like the universe is playing some sick joke on men who were lonely throughout their twenties. I don't think most of us like the idea of being a boring stable companion to someone who's 'had her fun' either. (And, yes, I'm admitting I'm not all that attracted to the majority of women in my age category. Judge away.)

[youtube]kSVsxeiomo8[/youtube]

^I don't particularly like that guy and he's flogging PUA guides.

ardour said:

The sad thing is there only starts to be parity in the dating scene  at the point where you're both so old it doesn't matter any more. It's like the universe is playing some sick joke on men who were  lonely throughout their twenties.  I don't think most of us like the idea of being a boring stable companion to someone who's 'had her fun' either. (And, yes, I'm basically admitting here that I'm not all that attracted to the majority of women in my age category. Judge away.)

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Yeah, at 30, I'd say I'm definitely attracted to women my age but the idea of going through all the usual frustrating mediums to end up in a stable companion dynanimc relationship just doesn't seem worth it. But then again, even at this age, I'd say the game is still very lopsided but it might change when I'm 50 or whatever but I highly doubt I'll be remotely interested in even getting into a relationship at that age

Invisibleguy said:

Yeah, at 30, I'd say I'm definitely attracted to women my age...

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30, sure. I can’t say the same for a lot of 40 somethings. It  would feel like dating one of my Aunt’s friends, and since we couldn’t safely have kids there’s not much reason to go there.

Please stop posting PUA nonsense.

Anyway, I'm 33 and also alone. Mostly I have to blame myself, and my crippling depression that kept me locked away for over a decade. I don't expect to "stumble" into any relationship any time soon. I have a date next weekend but from my perspective it's mostly a get together with another girl from group. I don't expect anything to come of it, but that's mostly me being hyperanxious and expecting to fresia it up again.

I'm attracted to men my age, of course. But men my age tend to have families, or careers, or you know... want a "real girl"(tm)(c)(R).

Forgottendanfan said:

How did I reach this age (33), without finding someone who wants to be with me? Some people (probably most people) manage to stumble in and out of relationships seemingly without even thinking about it, and I can't understand how it even happens.

I often wonder where exactly it all went wrong. Did I miss the class on "how to attract a woman" that everyone else took or something? It sure feels that way.

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What have you done in the last five years to improve your chances of finding someone?

bender22 said:

Forgottendanfan said:

How did I reach this age (33), without finding someone who wants to be with me? Some people (probably most people) manage to stumble in and out of relationships seemingly without even thinking about it, and I can't understand how it even happens.

I often wonder where exactly it all went wrong. Did I miss the class on "how to attract a woman" that everyone else took or something? It sure feels that way.

Click to expand...

What have you done in the last five years to improve your chances of finding someone?

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That's a difficult question to answer, but I'm pretty sure most people don't have to try and improve themselves in order to attract a partner. I've known some absolute deadbeats who've been in relationships.

Forgottendanfan said:

bender22 said:

Forgottendanfan said:

How did I reach this age (33), without finding someone who wants to be with me? Some people (probably most people) manage to stumble in and out of relationships seemingly without even thinking about it, and I can't understand how it even happens.

I often wonder where exactly it all went wrong. Did I miss the class on "how to attract a woman" that everyone else took or something? It sure feels that way.

Click to expand...

What have you done in the last five years to improve your chances of finding someone?

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That's a difficult question to answer, but I'm pretty sure most people don't have to try and improve themselves in order to attract a partner. I've known some absolute deadbeats who've been in relationships.

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Have you tried becoming an absolute deadbeat? A deadbeat can be more visible than a guy that just goes about his business and has his affairs in order. I mean, you also said "have been" and not "are", but that might have been unintended. I know pieces of honeysuckle that have been in relationships too. Unless there is some ugly codependency and inferiority complexes going on, that usually does not last forever though. It's either that or their partner is hellbent on some "noble" quest to fix them...I reckon you wouldn't want to be on either end of that constellation. I know I wouldn't. It also depends on whether one party started off as a deadbeat or just turned into one down the road. It's a mess either way.

"Have you tried becoming an absolute deadbeat?"

Is that a serious question? I really don't know how to take that.

Forgottendanfan said:

"Have you tried becoming an absolute deadbeat?"

Is that a serious question? I really don't know how to take that.

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It wasn't. The rest of my post should have explained that this is not a status to aspire to just because some deadbeats end up in relationships.

Being a deadbeat itself isn't the thing that attracts women to those kind of men in relationships

Forgottendanfan said:

bender22 said:

Forgottendanfan said:

How did I reach this age (33), without finding someone who wants to be with me? Some people (probably most people) manage to stumble in and out of relationships seemingly without even thinking about it, and I can't understand how it even happens.

I often wonder where exactly it all went wrong. Did I miss the class on "how to attract a woman" that everyone else took or something? It sure feels that way.

Click to expand...

What have you done in the last five years to improve your chances of finding someone?

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That's a difficult question to answer, but I'm pretty sure most people don't have to try and improve themselves in order to attract a partner. I've known some absolute deadbeats who've been in relationships.

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By 'improving your chances of finding someone' I didn't necessarily mean going to the gym every day, doing deep personal development or anything like that... I mean what are you doing to at least give yourself a chance of finding a partner. Are you going out to social events where you could meet someone, are you using online dating, are you approaching women anywhere?

Also even if those deadbeats are in relationships, it doesn't mean they're good relationships. Deadbeats tend to attract other deadbeats.

bender22 said:

By 'improving your chances of finding someone' I didn't necessarily mean going to the gym every day, doing deep personal development or anything like that... I mean what are you doing to at least give yourself a chance of finding a partner. Are you going out to social events where you could meet someone, are you using online dating, are you approaching women anywhere?

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I'm not a man, but I've tried online-datng and social events and it doesn't work for me. So now I do nothing 'cause I've ran out of the ideas.
I also feel like some other people just live and somehow they meet the partners. I asked friends, where did they met and the most common versions were: "university, work, friend's party"

"I asked friends, where did they met and the most common versions were: "university, work, friend's party""

Figures. The less attractive people are held to a higher standard and have to limit their efforts to specific avenues (online dating usually, maybe clubs, assuming youth is on your side). Meanwhile normal people meet their SOs just about anywhere.

Invisibleguy said:

Being a deadbeat itself isn't the thing that attracts women to those kind of men in relationships

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 I agree. Although there might be a few who get off on "fixing" someone, they never seem to want to fix shy or awkward types of men.

ardour said:

Invisibleguy said:

Being a deadbeat itself isn't the thing that attracts women to those kind of men in relationships

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 I agree. Although there might be a few who get off on "fixing" someone, they never seem to want to fix shy or awkward types of men.

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I wouldn't want a relationship based on someone trying to "fix" me anyway.