Forgottendanfan
Well-known member
If so, why do you think this is and how do you feel about it?
Are there any 30 something women here who've never been in a relationship?
- Thread starter Forgottendanfan
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ardour
Well known loser
*crickets*
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
ardour said:
Yes, because the forum is SOOOO busy lately a million replies will happen in four minutes. Also, there have been girls who said they didn't have a relationship, so there are some on this forum.
Forgottendanfan
Well-known member
kaetic said:
Absolutely I am. I should have worded it as "30 plus" rather than "30 something".
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
Forgottendanfan said:
Why?
Forgottendanfan
Well-known member
TheRealCallie said:
Elaborate please.
Forgottendanfan said:
Alright...
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]"why do you think this is"[/font]
Well, I think the number one reason, currently, is that I'm not trying to date anyone. Mostly, because I already have shitty self esteem and five minutes on a dating site and it gets exponentially worse. But, if you're looking for something deeper than that. I had a shitty childhood. My siblings and I were abused physically and emotionally. I was molested a few times by an older sibling, until I told my parents. At which point, my mother screamed at me for "allowing" him to do it, and said I must have liked it. My mother was the source of abuse for all of us, but she demanded my father help her beat us. She would periodically call all of us down for a "family meeting" so she could tell us how horrible we were and fish for something she could "punish" us for right then. And because my dad didn't stand up to her... I have always held a bit of resentment towards him. My parents marriage was a terrible first example of how relationships are supposed to be. My mother was very abusive towards my father. She isolated him from his family and friends and acted jealous of any contact he had with us, their kids.
This lead to difficulty trusting people, which was made worse by repeated friendships with untrustworthy people. I was lonely and desperate for a friend, so I would literally do anything to help some one I thought was my friend out. This caused me to be used and discarded a few times.
I have only ever tried to tell two guys that I liked them, and felt humiliated both times. One of them actually made a game out of tormenting me about it. I was told later how much he was making fun of me and how he put some one else up to coming in to where I worked and telling me about this "guy that was interested in me". So clearly I'm not the best judge of character.
When you grow accustomed to isolation... it's a hard habit to break. I find myself spending a lot of time at home, which is obviously not the best way to meet some one. But it's where I'm most comfortable.
I've been on a few dates over the years, but the ones that didn't feel forced (double date with my sister and her husband) or uncomfortable (blind date a work friend set me up on) just didn't really go anywhere. (as in no second date) I have asked out guys four times, the two I already mentioned... a co-worker as a platonic date to homecoming or prom... and the guy I had the double date with (for a second date). The last guy said yes, but after my brother in law told him about how I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness ("worse than Satan Worshipping" is how he put it) I didn't even bother trying again.
I have been asked out twice. The first guy I worked with as a teenager at McDonalds and I said no because I was terrified of my mother. The second guy was a co-worker at a factory I worked at when I was 19, and I said no because I liked some one else (although that went no where).
I have not tried to date anyone (besides the brief soul crushing visits to dating sites) since I was in my late twenties.
---
But I guess that's only half of the why... My half.
I can't speak for why more guys haven't asked me out.
Maybe I'm unpleasant. Maybe I'm unattractive. I'm overweight (and working hard to lose it), but I wasn't always.
I was actually pretty athletic in my early 20's.
I do get out a little bit: I haven't stopped working. I still go to the store occasionally. I used to go to a gym regularly.
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]" and how do you feel about it?"[/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]Depends on the day, I guess.[/font]
And, there are definitely times when I get a bit more emotional about it, but it's not like I can just wave away all of the above reasons I mentioned. Heavy baggage takes a toll.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
Forgottendanfan said:
Why did you post the thread, I suppose. Like, what's your interest?
Do you not believe that women also have this problem? Do you want to see if women go through the same thing men do? Do you want to compare? Do you want to ask out any woman that comes in and says they haven't had a relationship either?
Also, just to clarify, I tell women the same thing I tell men....
ardour
Well known loser
Thanks for responding kaetic. I had some bad early childhood experiences but nothing as ongoing and traumatizing as that. Your mother is...well, hopefully she'll pass on soon.
Meetups can be a great way to make new acquaintances assuming there's enough going on in your local area (no pressure since you're there to do the activity, not socialize if you're not feeling it)
For what it's worth I'm sorry for my passive aggressive responses to your comments.
Meetups can be a great way to make new acquaintances assuming there's enough going on in your local area (no pressure since you're there to do the activity, not socialize if you're not feeling it)
For what it's worth I'm sorry for my passive aggressive responses to your comments.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
ardour said:
Hopefully she'll pass on soon? Wow....
ardour
Well known loser
TheRealCallie said:
Did you read her comment Callie? You'd understand if you had a parent like that.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
ardour said:
Yes, I did read her comment and her childhood was clearly absolutely horrendous, but that doesn't mean you should hope someone dies. That doesn't mean SHE wants her mom to die. Sorry, but that's a shitty thing to say about someone's mom if you don't know whether they want their mother dead or not.
ardour
Well known loser
As someone with an abusive parent I can be fairly certain about how someone with even worse experiences would feel about it - It will be a huge relief when they are gone. That's not quite the same as "wishing they were dead", although I wouldn't blame her for feeling that way either.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
ardour said:
You know how YOU would feel about it, not how EVERYONE would feel about it. And I'm sorry, but I wasn't aware "I hope they'll pass soon" was different from "wishing they were dead." Oh wait, it's not.
Also, pretty sure you have not one ******* clue what my childhood was like, so you don't know if I had abusive parents or not. And you'll never know, because it's people like you that stop me from telling anything more than basics about my life on this forum. I'm pretty sure you are one of the ones that have said my life is apparently perfect. (could be wrong about that, but I don't think I am)
ardour said:
I appreciate the thought. It's complicated really. I love her, she's my mother... But I also stay away from her as much as possible now, which isn't easy. She got better for a while and I spoke to her about it and how I wanted to forgive her and move on, which is also not easy. She seems to be declining, my sister and I have noticed signs pointing to dementia or possibly Alzheimer's... And she's become abusive towards my sister and father again. For some reason she likes me, for now... Probably just trying to screw with my sister.
I do get what you mean, by hoping she will pass soon. I think that would be nice for my dad... Give him some years of peace. But I don't really want to lose my mom... Yeah it's complicated.
As far as the passive aggressive comments, don't worry about it. I'm sure I probably deserved at least some of it, and I know I have a tendency to lash out when I'm upset. Something I'm trying to work on. We're good.
Forgottendanfan
Well-known member
Kaetic, if that's you in the picture, I must say you're a very beautiful looking woman.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
Now I really want to know the point of this thread. She types all that out and all you give her is "oh hey, if that's you, you're pretty"?
