A question for those of you in relationships......

Why did you feel the need to sign up to a loneliness forum?

Before anyone attacks me, I realise it's perfectly possible to be in a relationship (even a good one) and still feel lonely. This certainly isn't a "you should be grateful" type of thread....

I'm just curious to know what led you to this place, and how your relationship played a part in it, if it even did.

Because I was lonely.

TheRealCallie said:

Because I was lonely.

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Well yea, that's kind of obvious.

I joined when I was in the process of separating from my marriage. There was a lot to feel lonely about within that relationship, however it was mostly a result of just being too young and dumb.

My current relationship was formed on here.

The reason I stay is because through my healing journey, I still feel bouts of loneliness that are far more personal than outside relationships, which means they will be solved from a more personal level.

I appreciate the response. Thank you.

I was alone when I came here, but I stayed even when I entered a stable relationship. My loneliness is a symptom of larger detachment from other people which is not just about romantic but all human relationships. I made some friends here too and I still get to know new people from all over the world, the kind of thing I struggle with in real life interactions. In general I like talking about the topic of loneliness and social relations, so I keep coming back.

Rodent said:

I was alone when I came here, but I stayed even when I entered a stable relationship. My loneliness is a symptom of larger detachment from other people which is not just about romantic but all human relationships. I made some friends here too and I still get to know new people from all over the world, the kind of thing I struggle with in real life interactions. In general I like talking about the topic of loneliness and social relations, so I keep coming back.

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I'm also extremely detached from the human race. I only leave my house around twice per week.

I was broken up with on my birthday, yesterday. I don't exactly have a stellar record with relationships. I joined here when I was not in a relationship, but continued to participate even when I was, because in that brief time I was desperate for validation and felt everything was on a knife's edge.

A self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps, but I sort of accepted from day one that it wouldn't last. I'm just not... compatible with people.

I initially joined as a bit of a distraction I guess. Not so much 'lonely' per se, but unhappy. And to clarify, that unhappiness wasn't in any way due to my relationship (my hubby and I have been together almost 20 years and have a son together - we are happier than ever), but in relation to where we were living at the time. The place where we lived was a small town on Northern Vancouver Island called Port Alice - little shithole of a place stuck on the side of a hill with a narrow expanse of ocean between, then another towering mountain on the other side of the inlet. Population - about 1000, full of nosy busy-bodies and ********. Way too isolated for my tastes.

So yeah - I joined A.L.L. just to have people to talk to. My son was just born at the time, my hubby worked long hours and I was alone much of the time. I just needed a source of distraction from things and this place did it. Then I became active later. . . just because. Still not lonely though.

There's different ways to be lonely I guess, but it often feels like those with supportive SOs on forums like this are like tourists taking snaps of loners in the wild...

ardour said:

There's different ways to be lonely I guess, but it often feels  like those with supportive SOs on forums like this are like tourists taking snaps of loners in the wild...

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Ohhhhh, I see. So because I (and others here) have supportive relationships, I couldn't possibly understand loneliness and empathize with the people here in this forum. 

Sorry, I didn't realize it was a requirement to be lonely at this point in time in order to be here. 

Trust me, I've got better things to do than come here for shits and giggles. . .

The metaphor does not have to be taken literally...at least I don't think that every tourist is a piece of honeysuckle.

You can be someone that has been through bouts of loneliness - or not even that - and nobody should discount your ability to empathize with a basic human emotion, especially considering how universal it is. There's still a spectrum between repeated bouts and a pitch black thread that runs through someone's entire life though and to that degree some have more options to ease their loneliness than others or have some kind of anchor to return to when the walls start closing in. To those that feel like they really got the honeysuckle end of the stick: Don't succumb to envy or weaponizing your inner anguish to push the ones away that are at least trying to get you, even if it looks like they had it easier. Might not even be the truth, you never know. Nobody likes a fervent gatekeeper. Ask before you assume.

I can empathize with someone with a broken/abusive family or a history of drug abuse even though I don't share that fate, but I don't think I truly "get" the shades of gray as someone who has been through such experiences. Might be even trickier with loneliness. I can get "loneliness" as a concept and the variations of romantic, platonic, psychological, physical or whatever. I might still not understand "your" loneliness, whoever you are out there.

Thanks for everyone's input, so far.

I was lonely when I joined and married.At that time I'm sure if I can recollect we were in the midst of a drama with one of my kids.It was a very frightening time really and very stressful.Also because of a cross of feeling a bit bored with the games nights/my wife wanting me to stop participating I had no one except brother/sister to talk to which my wife being very private didn't like either.I don't really feel lonely now just occasional Friday night but have plenty alternatives now so good at dealing with it and going games nights again.I take part occasional now because I enjoy it.

Thanks "Christine Sarah" and "Just Games". I appreciate your input.

Aardra said:

A self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps, but I sort of accepted from day one that it wouldn't last. I'm just not... compatible with people.

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Same here. I'm 36 and have pretty much given up trying to connect to people. The things I care about are strange and boring to other people.