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Cry.
#1
[font=system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif]Sometimes when I'm driving all alone I cry real hard because it just feels good to cry, it's cathartic, and very stress relieving. I would cry because life is so beautiful and I remember all the pain and everything I been through. I'd cry so hard that my face would start to feel kinda numb. Then when I get to my destination, I'd wipe my tears and act like everything is okay.[/font]

[font=system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif]So cry when you can... it's healthy for you.[/font]

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#2
I cry until my eyes puff up. It feels good in the end.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own"
(Matthew 6:34)
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#3
I don't tend to cry when I'm driving, as I'm too busy focusing on what I'm doing behind the wheel of a potentially lethal machine. I very rarely cry now, full stop actually. I think I've gone beyond that point.

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Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you, my friend....any minor world that breaks apart, falls together again.
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#4
(04-08-2021, 01:15 AM)Azariah Wrote: So cry when you can... it's healthy for you.

That's unavoidable for me, to be honest, which is good I guess.
With me, it's like filling up a bottle.  For the most part, I'm neutral in regards to my feelings, but as time goes by, I start to get sadder and angrier, unconsciously and uncontrollably.  Eventually, I can't hold these bottled up feelings, I release them and cry a bit, mostly due to how I get disappointed with myself.  Then, the cycle repeats, I hope I get out of it some day, but I'm not holding my breath.
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#5
(04-08-2021, 12:04 PM)AnonymousMe Wrote:
(04-08-2021, 01:15 AM)Azariah Wrote: So cry when you can... it's healthy for you.

That's unavoidable for me, to be honest, which is good I guess.
With me, it's like filling up a bottle.  For the most part, I'm neutral in regards to my feelings, but as time goes by, I start to get sadder and angrier, unconsciously and uncontrollably.  Eventually, I can't hold these bottled up feelings, I release them and cry a bit, mostly due to how I get disappointed with myself.  Then, the cycle repeats, I hope I get out of it some day, but I'm not holding my breath.

Crying can be healthy, but not if you do it too much.  If you do it too much, it can be damaging both physically and mentally.  Bottling it up isn't healthy either. 
Why are you disappointed with yourself?  What is it that you are wanting?  There is a way, sometimes you just have to find an unconventional way of going about getting what you want.  (and no, I don't mean anything illegal. lol) Don't give up on yourself.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
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#6
I'm mixed up with so many emotions that sometimes I'm even laughing like a madman as I cry...
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#7
(04-08-2021, 07:42 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Why are you disappointed with yourself?  What is it that you are wanting?  There is a way, sometimes you just have to find an unconventional way of going about getting what you want.  (and no, I don't mean anything illegal. lol) Don't give up on yourself.

You know?  I wanted to give you a full answer, but if I did, I would just be telling you everything about myself, so let's just put it this way:  I can't measure up with anybody.  Think about anything positive regarding an individual and chances are either I don't have it and/or I can't do it.
I don't like being like this though, I am still trying to better myself, but like I've said, the process is dreadfully slow.  It makes me wonder if people, especially women, would like to hang out with someone that's always behind 10 years.  If not, I could just get a rope and chloroform after getting my driver's license and be done with it.  Hope's the only thing keeping motivated, hope that my wants are not fantasies.
All in all, I just want to be a normal person and if I manage to get romantically involved, I will have succeeded in accomplishing my ultimate goal in life, especially if I’m in a poly relationship.  It’s how I see things: I’ll accept my self-worth when anyone accepts me, it’ll be my motivation to keep improving and searching.
I wrote all of this between 12:00 and 12:30 AM, I hope it makes sense.
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#8
(04-09-2021, 05:34 PM)AnonymousMe Wrote:
(04-08-2021, 07:42 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Why are you disappointed with yourself?  What is it that you are wanting?  There is a way, sometimes you just have to find an unconventional way of going about getting what you want.  (and no, I don't mean anything illegal. lol) Don't give up on yourself.

You know?  I wanted to give you a full answer, but if I did, I would just be telling you everything about myself, so let's just put it this way:  I can't measure up with anybody.  Think about anything positive regarding an individual and chances are either I don't have it and/or I can't do it.
I don't like being like this though, I am still trying to better myself, but like I've said, the process is dreadfully slow.  It makes me wonder if people, especially women, would like to hang out with someone that's always behind 10 years.  If not, I could just get a rope and chloroform after getting my driver's license and be done with it.  Hope's the only thing keeping motivated, hope that my wants are not fantasies.
All in all, I just want to be a normal person and if I manage to get romantically involved, I will have succeeded in accomplishing my ultimate goal in life, especially if I’m in a poly relationship.  It’s how I see things: I’ll accept my self-worth when anyone accepts me, it’ll be my motivation to keep improving and searching.
I wrote all of this between 12:00 and 12:30 AM, I hope it makes sense.

It does make sense, BUT...in my opinion, I think some of it is bullshit.  Like the part where you say you don't have anything positive and you can't measure up. You do and you can. 
I don't recall where you are in  world, but assuming you aren't in America (I know there are programs in America), do you have any problems where they help people learn valuable life skills? It's through the Department of Disabilities in America, but they also have programs independent of the government.  If you haven't already, look around, see if you can find something.  Or maybe even support groups.  Even if they are online, it could be really helpful. 
Your wants are no fantasies, they are possible, so don't you dare give up.  I would accept you (platonic acceptance, of course) and if you want to PM me, you can at any time.  And you're always welcome in the chat room, if you'd like to go that route.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
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#9
I'll do my crying in the rain.
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#10
(04-09-2021, 07:48 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: It does make sense, BUT...in my opinion, I think some of it is bullshit.  Like the part where you say you don't have anything positive and you can't measure up. You do and you can. 
I don't recall where you are in  world, but assuming you aren't in America (I know there are programs in America), do you have any problems where they help people learn valuable life skills? It's through the Department of Disabilities in America, but they also have programs independent of the government.  If you haven't already, look around, see if you can find something.  Or maybe even support groups.  Even if they are online, it could be really helpful. 
Your wants are no fantasies, they are possible, so don't you dare give up.  I would accept you (platonic acceptance, of course) and if you want to PM me, you can at any time.  And you're always welcome in the chat room, if you'd like to go that route.

To start off, I live in a border city in Mexico, the other country is the U.S., obviously.  I don't know if there are any places that could help me learn life lessons, I wouldn't search for them anyway, mainly because it would be an added burden to my parents.  They don't admit it, but they hate it when they get involved in stuff me or my brother do, especially if they involve money and/or time (save for my school and my brother's rent).  My school made me go see a psychologist, so I guess that was the closest I got to a program, I had to stop going due to the pandemic though.  I'll return after covid's gone, I'll go to a gaming plaza too, we thought it was the best spot for me to practice socializing, a place where I'd feel comfortable with my own skin.

As for the rest, I don't know what to say.  I can't help, but compare myself to EVERYBODY, including family, I hate anyone that has something I should also have too.  I try to avoid them like a plague, I get angry when I hear them and I try to ignore them when near me.  I know these competitive feelings will only end when I get romantically acquainted, because, like I said, it'll prove that I'm worth a damn.  So, all I can do for the moment, is just keep self-improving and hope all my work pays off; no one else, besides myself, is going to help me, so I try doing something.

Man, writing this response was so hard and weird, now I'm really wondering if my head is straight. Maybe I should just tell you all of my flaws and you recommend me which one(s) I should correct first, if I want to be a boyfriend.
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