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Cry.
#11
(04-09-2021, 10:37 PM)ardour Wrote: I'll do my crying in the rain.

That's the only way to do it. (according to every movie ever made) Big Grin
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#12
(04-09-2021, 05:34 PM)AnonymousMe Wrote:
(04-08-2021, 07:42 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Why are you disappointed with yourself?  What is it that you are wanting?  There is a way, sometimes you just have to find an unconventional way of going about getting what you want.  (and no, I don't mean anything illegal. lol) Don't give up on yourself.

You know?  I wanted to give you a full answer, but if I did, I would just be telling you everything about myself, so let's just put it this way:  I can't measure up with anybody.  Think about anything positive regarding an individual and chances are either I don't have it and/or I can't do it.
I don't like being like this though, I am still trying to better myself, but like I've said, the process is dreadfully slow.  It makes me wonder if people, especially women, would like to hang out with someone that's always behind 10 years.  If not, I could just get a rope and chloroform after getting my driver's license and be done with it.  Hope's the only thing keeping motivated, hope that my wants are not fantasies.
All in all, I just want to be a normal person and if I manage to get romantically involved, I will have succeeded in accomplishing my ultimate goal in life, especially if I’m in a poly relationship.  It’s how I see things: I’ll accept my self-worth when anyone accepts me, it’ll be my motivation to keep improving and searching.
I wrote all of this between 12:00 and 12:30 AM, I hope it makes sense.

(04-10-2021, 05:58 PM)AnonymousMe Wrote:
(04-09-2021, 07:48 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: It does make sense, BUT...in my opinion, I think some of it is bullshit.  Like the part where you say you don't have anything positive and you can't measure up. You do and you can. 
I don't recall where you are in  world, but assuming you aren't in America (I know there are programs in America), do you have any problems where they help people learn valuable life skills? It's through the Department of Disabilities in America, but they also have programs independent of the government.  If you haven't already, look around, see if you can find something.  Or maybe even support groups.  Even if they are online, it could be really helpful. 
Your wants are no fantasies, they are possible, so don't you dare give up.  I would accept you (platonic acceptance, of course) and if you want to PM me, you can at any time.  And you're always welcome in the chat room, if you'd like to go that route.

To start off, I live in a border city in Mexico, the other country is the U.S., obviously.  I don't know if there are any places that could help me learn life lessons, I wouldn't search for them anyway, mainly because it would be an added burden to my parents.  They don't admit it, but they hate it when they get involved in stuff me or my brother do, especially if they involve money and/or time (save for my school and my brother's rent).  My school made me go see a psychologist, so I guess that was the closest I got to a program, I had to stop going due to the pandemic though.  I'll return after covid's gone, I'll go to a gaming plaza too, we thought it was the best spot for me to practice socializing, a place where I'd feel comfortable with my own skin.

As for the rest, I don't know what to say.  I can't help, but compare myself to EVERYBODY, including family, I hate anyone that has something I should also have too.  I try to avoid them like a plague, I get angry when I hear them and I try to ignore them when near me.  I know these competitive feelings will only end when I get romantically acquainted, because, like I said, it'll prove that I'm worth a damn.  So, all I can do for the moment, is just keep self-improving and hope all my work pays off; no one else, besides myself, is going to help me, so I try doing something.

Man, writing this response was so hard and weird, now I'm really wondering if my head is straight.  Maybe I should just tell you all of my flaws and you recommend me which one(s) I should correct first, if I want to be a boyfriend.

This would be my choice of what to work on. It's the exact mentality that makes you think you're behind everyone else by 10 years. 

"I can't measure up with anybody.  Think about anything positive regarding an individual and chances are either I don't have it and/or I can't do it."

"It’s how I see things: I’ll accept my self-worth when anyone accepts me, it’ll be my motivation to keep improving and searching"

"I can't help, but compare myself to EVERYBODY, including family, I hate anyone that has something I should also have too."

"I know these competitive feelings will only end when I get romantically acquainted, because, like I said, it'll prove that I'm worth a damn."

1. You don't have to measure up to anyone else.
2. That's not how it actually works. People can accept you all they or you want, but your feelings about yourself are under YOUR control, not theirs. You have to realize for yourself what your good qualities are. Sure it feels nice to get compliments, but if you don't believe them they aren't worth a damn.
3. You are not entitled to anything. Being resentful towards other people who you think are happier or better off than you doesn't help you at all.
4. Again, that's not how it works. What could end up happening, is you'll destroy every relationship you ever get into because of your insecurities and jealousy. You have to deal with your feelings, no one else can do it for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you. I used to feel this exact same way. Always behind everyone else, jealous that they probably had a good childhood and normal life experiences. Angry that whatever I tried to do, I thought everyone else was better at it. But eventually I realized that I'm the only one holding me back. That doesn't fix everything in itself. But it does help with a lot of those negative feelings. I felt completely alone when I finally realized that I was worth knowing, just as worthwhile as anyone else. And in hindsight, I bet there were people to felt the same jealousy towards me about some things. I just couldn't see my positive points because I was focused on all of the ways I felt I didn't measure up.
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#13
(04-11-2021, 06:11 AM)kaetic Wrote: This would be my choice of what to work on. It's the exact mentality that makes you think you're behind everyone else by 10 years. 

"I can't measure up with anybody.  Think about anything positive regarding an individual and chances are either I don't have it and/or I can't do it."

"It’s how I see things: I’ll accept my self-worth when anyone accepts me, it’ll be my motivation to keep improving and searching"

"I can't help, but compare myself to EVERYBODY, including family, I hate anyone that has something I should also have too."

"I know these competitive feelings will only end when I get romantically acquainted, because, like I said, it'll prove that I'm worth a damn."

1. You don't have to measure up to anyone else.
2. That's not how it actually works. People can accept you all they or you want, but your feelings about yourself are under YOUR control, not theirs. You have to realize for yourself what your good qualities are. Sure it feels nice to get compliments, but if you don't believe them they aren't worth a damn.
3. You are not entitled to anything. Being resentful towards other people who you think are happier or better off than you doesn't help you at all.
4. Again, that's not how it works. What could end up happening, is you'll destroy every relationship you ever get into because of your insecurities and jealousy. You have to deal with your feelings, no one else can do it for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you. I used to feel this exact same way. Always behind everyone else, jealous that they probably had a good childhood and normal life experiences. Angry that whatever I tried to do, I thought everyone else was better at it. But eventually I realized that I'm the only one holding me back. That doesn't fix everything in itself. But it does help with a lot of those negative feelings. I felt completely alone when I finally realized that I was worth knowing, just as worthwhile as anyone else. And in hindsight, I bet there were people to felt the same jealousy towards me about some things. I just couldn't see my positive points because I was focused on all of the ways I felt I didn't measure up.

I think you didn’t understand what I said.  Plus, I may have made some mistakes, because I wrote both messages around 12am, so let me correct.
 
1.     Now that just cracks me up.  You want me to be like: “Alright, there’s dudes out there that can lift heavier things than me, but it’s OK, my strength is still as worthy as theirs!  =D”  Nah, that’s just silly, life’s a competition and I don’t plan to always finish in 8th place.  I’d be fine in 4th, or 5th, as being in 1st would be being famous, which I DON’T want to be.
2.     Well, I may not have good qualities now, but I am working to end up as an average joe, which will be enough to have me satisfied, otherwise I’d starve to death.  =/  It’s strange to explain, I think when I reach my goal, I’ll see myself as worthy as everyone else, except for those with girlfriends and if I ever get one, I won’t have an issue with them.  So, don’t believe I’m being completely self-negative, I’m hopeful for the future.
3.     Of course not!  What do you think I am, a snowflake?  I have more dignity than that, at least I’m aware that I am the source of all my issues.  What’s wrong with being resentful anyway?  I’m merely a stranger to all, so they don’t care about me either.  It’ll cost me friends, yes, but there’s always more people to meet.  In my opinion, my lack of humor and serious personality might be WAY more serious issues that hating people and I can’t change those!
4.     I don’t believe that, by the time I’m like anyone else, my insecurities will be probably gone.  I don’t get how jealousy could be an issue with me, I’m open to polyamory, remember?  Were you referring to envious feelings towards guys in relationships?  If so, then I’ll still have those, again, they’ll stop if I ever get a girlfriend or two.
 
I hope I managed to explain my feelings more clearly.  Nevertheless, I’m fearful for the future, because if I’m still rejected after all I’ve done, all my self-improvement will have been for nothing, proving true that age does not take kindly to men.  They’re expected to have a certain degree of success on specific ages and I re-stared things in my late 20s when they should have been achieved in my mid-20s; I’ll always stay behind. 
 
So, answer me this… if I’m still alone after doing everything I could, knowing that I can’t advance further from where I’ll end, will be my fault or the people’s?  I drive a smart car; do I shoo people away with it or do they stay away from me, because they want more?  I don’t want a job with a big salary, is that a red flag for people or are they turning off themselves?  I have no idea how expectations work, but I’m pretty sure there’s a standard and I want to be on that standard, to be likable, at the very least.  I don’t know if it’ll help in my chances of finding someone, but it’ll be better than in my current position.  I’ll be damned if I find someone, because right now, I really don’t believe it; the standards women have for men are too damn high.  Heck, I think I’d be fine with even being in a toxic relationship, that’ll be better than nothing.  Like I said, hope is the only thing that’s keeping me motivated, hope that I meet people that don’t mind where I am, despite not meeting natural expectations.
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#14
Anonymousme, Maybe you're right.
I think we both misunderstood each other a bit.
Also, my advice came from personal experience, which probably doesn't apply exactly to your situation. I didn't know you were autistic when I wrote that. I don't understand much about autism, but I do get where you're coming from now... with feeling behind everyone else. I don't know you, and I apologize if I upset you.

My main point that I think I didn't get across clearly, is that you don't have to be like everyone else in order to find value in who you are. You say you don't have any good qualities. I don't believe that, but I can relate... I try to list good qualities about myself sometimes when I'm feeling down about myself, and sometimes it's hard to come up with anything. It doesn't mean there isn't anything there, it's just harder to see our own strengths than it is to see it in other people.

The rest... like you said you wrote it when you were tired, and maybe I misread/misunderstood what you meant.
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#15
Hey kaetic, I put in bold something new for you to see.
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#16
(Yesterday, 08:39 AM)AnonymousMe Wrote:  
So, answer me this… if I’m still alone after doing everything I could, knowing that I can’t advance further from where I’ll end, will be my fault or the people’s?  I drive a smart car; do I shoo people away with it or do they stay away from me, because they want more?  I don’t want a job with a big salary, is that a red flag for people or are they turning off themselves?  I have no idea how expectations work, but I’m pretty sure there’s a standard and I want to be on that standard, to be likable, at the very least.  I don’t know if it’ll help in my chances of finding someone, but it’ll be better than in my current position.  I’ll be damned if I find someone, because right now, I really don’t believe it; the standards women have for men are too damn high.  Heck, I think I’d be fine with even being in a toxic relationship, that’ll be better than nothing.  Like I said, hope is the only thing that’s keeping me motivated, hope that I meet people that don’t mind where I am, despite not meeting natural expectations.

(Yesterday, 10:44 AM)AnonymousMe Wrote: Hey kaetic, I put in bold something new for you to see.


I can't answer if you'll find some one in the future, whether you're doing self improvement stuff or not. And I can't say whose fault it would be if you were to end up alone. You might as well ask a magic 8 ball. And btw there are plenty of possible reasons why it wouldn't be anyone's fault. I know it's probably aggravating, but a lot of this really does come down to luck and timing. Does that mean the self-improvement isn't worth it? If you feel it makes you a better person, keep at it. And stay hopeful. We aren't guaranteed anything, but that doesn't mean we can't get lucky sometimes.

I feel like I'm starting to misinterpret some of what you're saying again, so I won't comment on anything else.
Sorry for any misunderstandings.
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