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Feeling smothered
#1
All my adult life I have hoped to get married and have a family but it hasn't happened.  Then, this year, I suddenly started feeling that being without a partner has its good side.  I can go out of the house when I want, read and watch what I want on TV when I am at home, and if I don't keep on top of the housework, there is noone to complain about it. I do really miss not having any family though and would love so much to have siblings and children. ( have no siblings and am too old to have children.)  However, my desire for a partner has dwindled considerably. Anyway, ironically enough I have recently met someone via a friend and am feeling smothered and stressed out.  I told him that I felt overwhelmed and stressed out by the thought of a relationship and could we just be friends and he agreed. But he is wanting a relationship and is constantly pressing me to meet up.  I met him last Sunday evening for a walk and then he texted on Tuesday to ask me to go for another walk on that evening.  It's only been a couple of weeks and I feel burdened and guilty because I don't want to see him as often as he would like.  I feel suffocated by his wanting to meet so often and I feel like pulling out altogether.

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#2
^ I have similar feelings. However, I'm male and have an addictive personality. If I like or enjoy something then I want more of it. If I was in the situation with you it would be best to tell me straight up how you feel. It would hurt me a little bit and I may no longer want to see you at all. But, it would be better to handle it early on.
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#3
(05-01-2021, 11:00 PM)Tiina63 Wrote: All my adult life I have hoped to get married and have a family but it hasn't happened.  Then, this year, I suddenly started feeling that being without a partner has its good side.  I can go out of the house when I want, read and watch what I want on TV when I am at home, and if I don't keep on top of the housework, there is noone to complain about it. I do really miss not having any family though and would love so much to have siblings and children. ( have no siblings and am too old to have children.)  However, my desire for a partner has dwindled considerably. Anyway, ironically enough I have recently met someone via a friend and am feeling smothered and stressed out.  I told him that I felt overwhelmed and stressed out by the thought of a relationship and could we just be friends and he agreed. But he is wanting a relationship and is constantly pressing me to meet up.  I met him last Sunday evening for a walk and then he texted on Tuesday to ask me to go for another walk on that evening.  It's only been a couple of weeks and I feel burdened and guilty because I don't want to see him as often as he would like.  I feel suffocated by his wanting to meet so often and I feel like pulling out altogether.

Could it be that you are so used to your independent life and you've just started to be okay with being alone and now that a guy has come in you might be worried about losing all those good things you've found about being single?

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#4
(05-01-2021, 11:00 PM)Tiina63 Wrote: All my adult life I have hoped to get married and have a family but it hasn't happened.  Then, this year, I suddenly started feeling that being without a partner has its good side.  I can go out of the house when I want, read and watch what I want on TV when I am at home, and if I don't keep on top of the housework, there is noone to complain about it. I do really miss not having any family though and would love so much to have siblings and children. ( have no siblings and am too old to have children.)  However, my desire for a partner has dwindled considerably. Anyway, ironically enough I have recently met someone via a friend and am feeling smothered and stressed out.  I told him that I felt overwhelmed and stressed out by the thought of a relationship and could we just be friends and he agreed. But he is wanting a relationship and is constantly pressing me to meet up.  I met him last Sunday evening for a walk and then he texted on Tuesday to ask me to go for another walk on that evening.  It's only been a couple of weeks and I feel burdened and guilty because I don't want to see him as often as he would like.  I feel suffocated by his wanting to meet so often and I feel like pulling out altogether.

I think sometimes it's best to tell people exactly how we feel. If you feel suffocated by his presence you should let him know that somehow..

Romance is complicated I believe... Because it depends on so many things.. The first sign that you really like someone is when both of you feel like spending a LOT of time with each other. If the feeling isn't mutual, then there's a problem and it would be painful to continue seeing each other.
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#5
(05-02-2021, 12:21 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Could it be that you are so used to your independent life and you've just started to be okay with being alone and now that a guy has come in you might be worried about losing all those good things you've found about being single?

Good point. I would feel like that too except if a girl came along.
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#6
Perhaps you're just not feeling anything for this particular man.
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#7
I sure wish I had your problem. No disrespect to you, by the way.
Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you, my friend....any minor world that breaks apart, falls together again.
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